Summer of Sorrow
by Rebel Way
Summary: Story about the summer that changed best friends James Potter and Sirius Black forever, and about what it means to walk away from all you've ever known.
1. The Runaway

Disclaimer: J.K. Rowling owns everything Harry Potter. I only wish I was as awesome at writing as her.

_Warning for child abuse. Rated T for a reason, people._

**Summer of Sorrow**

James Potter walked silently through the halls of Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizadry, his best friend Sirius Black by his side. It was the first day of school, and the beginning of their sixth year. The event of James Potter and Sirius Black walking silently through the halls was one which Hogwarts had never seen before. Had the classmates of James and Sirius known the reason for their silence, they probably would have preferred the James and Sirius of last year who would race each other through the halls, yelling, laughing and tossing dungbombs into every classroom. But they didn't know the reason, although they would probably find out tomorrow if they read the _Daily Prophet_. The newspapers seemed to exist solely to report casualties of the War (as everyone called it) nowadays. But until then, it remained their secret. The summer everything went wrong for the two boys who seemingly had everything: James Potter and Sirius Black.

_*Three Months Ago*_

Sirius Black fell to the floor when his father, Orion, backhanded him in the face with all of his might. Orion was wearing a large garnet ring with the Black family crest on it. Sirius knew this because he had felt it slash the skin of his left cheek open.

"You are a disgrace to this family," Orion hissed, "My own son, a blood traitor."

Sirius couldn't really think of anything to say to that. He supposed it was true. After all, the Blacks pride themselves on being upstanding pureblood. That status came with many rules. Most of which were stupid or cruel, in Sirius' opinion. Not that his opinion mattered. Not to his father, anyway.

"SAY SOMETHING!" Orion bellowed, "EXPLAIN YOURSELF!"

Sirius bit back a laugh; he couldn't even remember what he was in trouble for this time. He briefly wondered if his father just looked for things to pin on him. He looked up at his father, who's eyes were glaring at him with hatred. He decided on denial.

"What have I done wrong?" Sirius asked fairly, "If I've done anything to offend you, please tell me _Father_." Sirius spoke the last word, dripping with sarcasm. He knew he was asking for trouble, but didn't much care. Nothing could ward off his father's tempers when he got like this.

"_Everything _you do offends me, you despicable little brat. I can hardly stand to look at you, you pathetic layabout. You are supposed to be the face of this family, as my heir. But you look like some homeless mudblood, or a pathetic squib. If this party tonight wasn't absolutely essential, I'd beat you so hard you wouldn't walk for a week."

Sirius supposed Orion was referring to his hair, now nearing shoulder length. Or his clothes; he was wearing a sweatshirt and jeans, muggle clothing. Or his shoes; Sirius had purchased them from a muggle shop. There was really no reasoning with Orion. Sirius really couldn't believe he was in so much trouble for his clothes. This was silly, really.

"You're the pathetic one." Sirius said unexpectedly.

"Excuse me?" Orion asked in a deadly whisper.

Sirius hadn't meant to say it; it had just slipped out. But it was too late for going back now. "I said, you're the pathetic one. I never asked to be the face of this stupid, evil, crazy family."

Orion kicked Sirius in the ribs, and he heard a distinct crack. But he wasn't having any more of this. He was tired of being beaten senseless for no good reason. He was tired of pretending to be a perfect Black. He knew his true family, and it wasn't Orion. Sirius stood, and brushed off his robes.

"You can't hit me anymore. I'm sixteen years old, and I can hold my own against you. If you hit me again, I'll hit you back." Sirius could hardly believe his own stupidity in saying this. He knew he was signing his own death warrant, but he could hardly care anymore. "I'm leaving, and I'm never coming back. This is the last time you will ever see me. You can just tell everyone I died, since all you care about is your stupid reputation. And you should tell them that. Because you, and the rest of this family is dead to me. You-"

Sirius wasn't able to finish his thought. He felt strangely rigid. Orion had cast a body-binding spell on him. He then proceeded to give Sirius the worst beating he had received in his life. When he was good and through, he lifted the spell.

"You're not going anywhere. You will stay in your room, until I decide what is to be done with you." Orion whispered softy as he left the room.

Sirius didn't know what that meant, but he did know it would be miserable, and he was only 90% sure he would live through it. Sirius decided to take matters into his own hands. He limped up the stairs (Orion had kicked his kneecap in backward) and packed his trunk as quickly as he could. But he didn't have to strength to leave. He was is so much pain he could hardly move, and he felt as though he was going to pass out. He grabbed the mirror in his sweatshirt pocket and called, "Prongs!"

"I was beginning to think you'd forgotten about me," James answered with a grin that faded quickly, seeing his friend's battered face, "Holy shit! What happened to you?"

"Please help me," Sirius hated that he could hear himself whining, "Please, James. Please come get me."

"Sit tight, I'll be there in ten minutes."

Like clockwork, James arrived at Grimmauld Place exactly ten minutes later. He scaled the building to reach Sirius' window. It was very late, and James wouldn't have wanted to face Sirius' parents anyway. He knew Sirius' father beat him, and he wasn't going to mess with him. James knocked on Sirius' window, but there was no answer. James peered inside and saw his best friend lying on the floor, motionless. James used his sweatshirt-clad elbow to smash the window in, and, praying the Blacks were as heavy sleepers as Sirius, climbed in quietly. He ran over to Sirius, and lifted his best mate's head off the ground.

"Sirius!" James whispered urgently, "Sirius, say something!"

"What've I done wrong?" Sirius mumbled. James wondered if he was delirious from the pain.

"Padfoot, it's me! It's James!"

Sirius did not stir. James pulled Sirius on his shoulders with great difficulty. Sirius was taller and had more muscle than James, and weighed a little more as a result. James almost faltered under Sirius' weight, but straightened and proceeded toward the bedroom door. He couldn't fit Sirius out the window, he would have to leave through the front door.

After saying a million prayers of thanks, having reached outside Grimmauld Place without causing a stir, James Potter pulled his unconscious best friend on his broom and went home.


	2. The Healer

It was early the next morning when Sirius Black finally woke up. The first thing he saw was his best friend's ceiling. He was lying on James' bed and he felt movement next to him. With great effort, he managed to turn to his other side and his best mate came into view. James Potter greeted Sirius with a grin.

"How are you feeling?" James asked, concerned.

"Like shit." Sirius replied simply.

"Your injuries are bad. I was going to get my mother to heal you once we got back, but then I fell asleep. What was I thinking? I only meant to lay down for a minute." James scolded himself angrily.

"You saved my life." Sirius said.

James gave him an odd look. "Don't be ridiculous. They never would have-" James was silenced by the look on Sirius' face.

"They would. They were going to." Sirius felt near tears. He wasn't completely sure, but he suspected his father would have killed him, or hurt him bad enough that he couldn't function. They would have made it look like a tragic accident. Nobody was to get in the ways of the Blacks.

James looked over at Sirius. "You're well out of it. I'll never let them hurt you, I promise. We're gonna be best friends forever, remember?" James gave Sirius a lopsided grin and hugged him roughly.

"Ouch," Sirius choked out, "I think it's worse then I thought."

James straightened, "Right. I'll go fetch my mum, then." He got up to leave, "Be right back."

"Prongs?" Sirius called.

"Yeah?"

"Thanks…for everything."

"Don't mention it."

Sirius tried to sit up. This was a mistake. He felt as though every inch of his body was screaming in agony. He let out a little whimper as he made to lie flat again. James returned with his mother, who took one look at Sirius, and called St. Mungo's. James grabbed the phone out of her hands and hit "end."

"James Anthony, what in the world are you doing?" she snapped at him, trying to grab the phone back, "We've got to get Sirius to a hospital!"

"They can find him there!" James said, in a panic.

"Well then, I'll just call a healer to make a house visit. Would that satisfy you? These injuries are too severe for me to handle alone, you know."

James hesitated a moment before saying, "No. It's too risky. He has no magical injuries, right? Let's call a muggle healer to help him. What are they called, again?"

"Oh, I don't know. Nurses? But alright, we can do that instead." As his mother made the phone call, James went over to sit next to Sirius on the bed. "Where does it hurt?" he asked.

_Everywhere_, Sirius thought. "Erm…I think he broke some ribs, I'm having trouble breathing deeply."

James pulled up Sirius' bloody shirt, past his chest. Sirius fought the urge to slap James' hand away. He was too tired and it wasn't worth it when James would clearly win. Big purple bruises decorated Sirius' chest. James let out a little gasp.

"It's not as bad as it looks," Sirius snapped, annoyed with how James was looking at him. "I'll be fine in a couple days. Then I'll be out of your hair."

"Not as bad as it looks?" James said incredulously, "You're not going anywhere. You'll live with me now," he stated with a grin, "We'll have so much fun." James made to put Sirius in a headlock, but Sirius groaned in pain and pushed him off. James fell off the bed.

"Get away from me, you nutter." Sirius said with a weak grin, but then he started to laugh. James couldn't help laughing whenever Sirius laughed. Sirius' laugh was infectious. They both laughed so hard, James felt he couldn't breathe. But he stopped laughing as quickly as he began when he saw his friends' face. Sirius was trying to catch his breath, but couldn't. He passed out. James leapt up with a yelp and called for his parents. Sirius was lying motionless on the bed. James pressed his ear to Sirius' chest and heard his heart beating evenly. He let out a sigh. Sirius would be fine. James parents entered with a tall, blonde woman dressed in strange clothes.

"Come on, James," his father called, "let this young lady do her job."

James left the room reluctantly with his parents. Now all he had to do was wait.

Sirius awoke to see a beautiful blonde girl bending over him. "How are you feeling?" she asked.

"Did it hurt?" he asked weakly.

"Did what hurt?" she asked in confusion.

"When you fell from heaven, you angel?" Sirius finished with his trademark smile.

The girl blushed very slightly, but continued as though nothing had happened, "You suffered a concussion, five broken ribs, a broken leg, sprained wrist, broken tail bone, and three broken fingers. What happened to you anyway?"

Sirius took a good look at himself and realized most of his body was wrapped in bandages. "I…er…car crash." He said lamely.

The nurse looked at him in doubt, but seemed to accept his answer. "I'm prescribing you heavy pain medication. These pills are for severe pain and will cause you to be drowsy. You need rest more than anything, I should think. No strenuous activity for at least a month. That means, no sports, no running, you really should stay in the house. I would also recommend at least a week's worth of bed rest, although I can tell by looking at you that you probably won't listen to me."

"I'm good in bed." Sirius replied with a grin.

She rolled her eyes and continued, "Injuries like this will heal on their own, but you need to give your body time to recuperate. When the pain is less severe, you are to start taking _these _pills which are painkillers that _won't _make you drowsy. Are you following me, handsome?"

"Yes," Sirius replied dutifully, although his gray eyes were unfocused. "yes, I understand."

"Get some rest," she finished, "here's my card. If you have any problems, you're welcome to give me a call. But _only _if you have any problems, got it?" She turned to leave.

"Wait!" Sirius called

"What is it?"

"We were never properly introduced!" Sirius said drowsily, "My name is Sirius. Sirius Black."

"It's nice to meet you, Sirius Black." She smiled and walked out.


	3. The Aftermath

Sirius woke a few hours later to a pair of hazel eyes behind rectangular glasses staring at him.

"YAAAH!" Sirius jerked a foot and smashed heads with James Potter.

"Ouch!" James complained, rubbing his temple, "That hurt."

"Well, what the hell were you staring at me like that for?" grumbled Sirius unapologetically, "Merlin, you almost gave me a heart attack!"

"I was making sure you weren't dead or anything," James said irritably, "You've been lying there for hours. What was I supposed to think? When I got you from Grimmauld Place, you looked about an inch from death. Then the muggle leaves, claiming to have "fixed you up" but you just lie there like a lump for hours and hours on end, and-"

"What are you talking about?" Sirius interrupted, "How long was I out?"

James continued his rambling, as though he couldn't hear his friend, "So, naturally I was concerned you were hungry, but what if I couldn't wake you up—"

"OI! I'm talking to _you_, Four-Eyes!" Sirius snapped.

James looked at him as though he was seeing him for the first time. "Calm down, will you? You're supposed to be relaxing. It says here—"

"What the hell are you reading off of? And are you going to answer my question or what?" Sirius made a grab for the paper James was holding, but James held it up out of his reach.

"Drink lots of milk to help your bones heal. Eat protein to get your strength up. Take your pills…" James trailed off when he noticed Sirius was getting up on his knees to leap for the paper.

"Ow!" Sirius yelped like a hurt dog when he landed wrong on his knee.

James took Sirius by the shoulders and roughly pushed him back onto the bed. Sirius fought him and James decided enough was enough and slammed his friend against the headboard hard enough to make Sirius see stars.

"What the fuck is _wrong_ with you!" Sirius exclaimed, rubbing the back of his head.

"What the fuck is wrong with _you_! If you keep messing around, you're just going to hurt yourself more. Stay there, and stop acting like such a prat!"

Sirius opened his mouth to complain about this injustice but James held up a hand and said "_Stop_." Sirius lay back, defeated. He crossed his arms over his chest and glared at his best mate. Make that _ex_-best mate. He couldn't believe he'd traded in one prison for another. Looking closer, Sirius noticed that James' hair was even messier than usual (and _that_ was saying something) and that he had huge dark circles under his drooping eyes.

"You were out for a day, for the record." James clarified.

"A day?" Sirius said in barely a whisper.

"Relax, it's not a big deal. It's summer, the days are short!"

"Actually, Prongs, days are _long _in the summer. They're short in the _winter_ because—"

"Don't care!" James interrupted happily, "The point is, it's summer and we have plenty of days left."

"Not if you're going to confine me to this bed for the better part of three weeks!" Sirius complained.

" I didn't say you had to stay there for the whole time. Just until I'm confident you aren't going to up and die on me or anything."

"Right. I forgot you were a trained healer."

James ignored the sarcasm. "Then we'll go back to Hogwarts and it'll be the best year ever!"

Sirius rolled his eyes, "You say that every year, Prongs."

"Each year is better than the last." James finished with a flourish. "And now that I know you're alive, I can take a nap."

"What?"

"Now. That. I. Know. You're. Alive…"

"I heard what you said, idiot. Have you been awake this whole time?"

"Of course. "

"Why?"

"I _told_ you," James said, annoyed, "I had to make sure—"

"You stayed awake this whole time…for me?" Sirius realized with horror that his eyes were teary again. He couldn't believe someone cared enough for him to look after him hours on end. He swallowed hard and looked at James.

James shrugged and grinned, then leapt onto the bed next to Sirius and without even taking his glasses off, fell asleep.

When James woke up, Sirius had fallen asleep and was talking in his sleep. He seemed to be calling out for his father. James looked at him sadly for a minute, then got up and walked over to the bathroom.

James was worried about his friend. Sirius had never been hurt this badly before, and the muggle healer had seemed distressed after treating him.

"_What happened to him?" she had asked._

"_Erm…car crash." James had replied sheepishly._

"_Why wasn't he taken to hospital immediately?"_

"_Erm…"_

"_And what's his name, anyway?_

"_Sirius Orion Black"_

_She looked at James doubtfully, "Oh really? What kind of name is that?"_

"_It's_ his_ name, it's his real name, and I don't reckon he should have to explain his name to anybody. _Sirius _and _Orion _are stars or constellations or something." James snapped._

"_I _know _what _Sirius _and _Orion_ are," she said coldly, "It's just they aren't terribly common, in case you hadn't noticed."_

_James swallowed and hoped she wouldn't look into the name _Sirius Orion Black _too much. _

"_Make sure he takes his pain medications, okay?"_

James snapped out of his reverie and took a shower. He was yawning widely and walking into the kitchen when he heard his mother's voice.

"Good morning, Jamie."

"Are you ever going to stop calling me that?"

"Calm down James, your mother's just tired. We all are, after the late night yesterday." James' father clarified.

"Sorry," James mumbled, chastened.

"What do you want for breakfast? I'm making enough so we can bring a tray to dear Sirius." Mrs. Potter looked like she was going to cry at any minute.

"_Mum_, Sirius isn't an invalid. The muggle healer said he would be fine. He isn't on his deathbed."

"I know that, James Anthony, but that doesn't mean I'm accustomed to seeing children being…in the condition he was in."

"He's sixteen, like me. We aren't children anymore."

"You're not an adult, are you?"

"But…"

"Be _quiet_ James and just tell me what you want to eat."

James threw her a dirty look and said nothing.

Mrs. Potter didn't seem to mind, and she made a huge breakfast containing everything from eggs to three different kinds of toast. James reckoned it might be enough to feed a small army. She made a huge tray for Sirius that had eggs, bacon, toast, pancakes, orange juice, milk and an entire grapefruit. "Do you think it's enough?" she asked James anxiously.

James struggled not to roll his eyes and simply replied, "I think that's fine. I'll take it to him."

James entered his room and noticed that Sirius was feigning sleep, probably to avoid talking to anyone. He knew Sirius wasn't asleep because he'd stopped talking.

"Hey, you! Sleeping Beauty! Get up and eat all this." James said simply.

Sirius ignored him.

James clucked his tongue impatiently, "I know you're awake, Padfoot."

Sirius continued to ignore him.

"Get up now, or I'm cutting off all your hair and feeding it to you."

Sirius pretended to stir. He looked over at James, as if just realizing he was there. "Good morning, Prongs."

James grinned, "Good morning."


	4. The Fight

**I don't own any of JKR's characters.**

By the third day, Sirius was feeling rather restless. All he could do during the day was read, or watch tv, or play chess with James. Sirius was getting rather tired of beating James. James was getting more and more irritable every time he lost. During their last match, he jumped up, claiming to have forgotten something important, and knocked the pieces over. Sirius was about to have him in checkmate. And at night, all Sirius had to look forward to were dreams about his death, all at the hand of his father. Every time he had a dream, he'd wake up screaming seconds before he died. Sirius was worried he _would _die in the dream. Did that mean he'd die in real life? He didn't know. All he knew was that he had to get out of James' room. It was terribly boring. And he was tired of James shooting him sympathetic looks every time he thought Sirius wasn't looking. He reckoned if James looked at him like _that _again, his friend would only have to worry about himself.

The next time Sirius woke up he was alone. But only for a moment. James strode in and smiled at the sight of his friends silver eyes.

"What were you doing, lurking outside the door waiting for me to get up?" Sirius asked.

"Don't you wish?" James replied, "No, I was just going to go flying. My entire life doesn't revolve around you, you know?"

"No wonder it sucks."

James rolled his eyes, but came over to the bed and sat down next to Sirius. "You're hilarious. So how are you feeling?"

"Fine, only people keep asking me how I'm feeling. It gets rather old." Sirius replied testily.

"Well excuse me for caring! I would hit you right now if you weren't already so grievously injured." James retorted.

"I am, aren't I? Didn't your mother ever teach you to be nice to the sick and injured?"

"Didn't yours ever teach you to be more grateful to people?" James wished he could have taken back the words the minute they left his mouth. Even though they'd just been joking, he clearly saw a brief look of terrible sadness cross his friend's face, if but for only a second. He changed the subject quickly, "So, anything I can get for you, Your Majesty? You still have four days of bed rest left." James smirked at the very thought of Sirius staying in bed all week.

"Like hell I am. She must have been joking. What am I supposed to do just lying here?" Sirius made a valiant attempt to sit up but his chest ached terribly from the broken ribs and he was forced to lie back down. "Owww," he moaned dejectedly, "My father sure can throw a punch. And a kick. And a curse."

James face darkened noticeably, "How can you joke about that?"

"How else am I supposed to talk about it? You want me to cry or something?"

James said nothing but continued to stare at Sirius sadly as if waiting for him to break down any second. This annoyed Sirius immensely.

"Stop looking at me like that," Sirius commanded, "I know the concept must be foreign to you, but my parents don't care about me. My father would have seen me die before I could disgrace the family name anymore. No, don't interrupt me." For James had just opened his mouth as if he wanted to disagree. "I've gotten use to the concept a long time ago. They don't love me. They never loved me. I wasn't going to be their lapdog, like Regulus was. I wasn't going to perform blindly, like some stupid show dog. I'm proud of who I am, and I don't care if they hate me. I'd rather them hate me then have me hate myself."

James was silent until he said, in barely a whisper, "Do you really think they would have killed you?"

"They wouldn't have done it directly. They would have arranged for me to have some sort of 'accident' or they'd have hired someone to do the job. I'd have been more useful in death then I ever could have been in life. My funeral would have everyone mourning for the Blacks, who'd lost an heir." Sirius heard his voice crack at the end of his statement. He felt a lump in his throat. He wished James would stop staring at him and leave him alone. He knew he was about to cry and he didn't need James here watching.

"Listen," James began, "I understand how-"

Sirius cut him off, "You understand? _You _understand? Your parents worship the ground you walk on! How could _you _possibly understand? When I was little, my father burned my wrists with cigarettes when I misbehaved! When I was seven, he locked me in a closet for an entire day. When I was nine, he beat me so much he broke my tailbone. When I was eleven, I had to go to 's because he smashed my brains into a table and I got a concussion. I was _eleven_. Now, I'm sixteen. Look at me now! LOOK AT ME AND TELL ME YOU UNDERSTAND!"

James opened his mouth and closed it again, not being able to think of anything to say. He thought for a moment and said, "You shouldn't shout at me that way, at least not until next week. The nurse said you should engage in strenuous activity, and I should think getting angry is very strenuous indeed."

Sirius looked at James murderously, who simply looked back, unfazed by his best friend's expression. Sirius let out a snort of laughter. James joined in. Soon, they were both holding their sides in mirth. James couldn't help but think Sirius' laugh sounded a lot less joyful than usual. His suspicious were confirmed when tears started streaming from his friend's eyes. Sirius was still laughing, almost hysterically, when James stopped. Suddenly, Sirius' crazed laughs turned into giant, heaving sobs. Sirius put his face to his knees, his hands gripping his hair, and wept openly. James felt his heart ache as he looked to his best friend.

"Just…leave…me…alone." Sirius managed to choke out.

"I won't." James declared, moving closer, putting his arm around Sirius and forcing his friend to lean into him.

"If you don't, I'll jinx you," Sirius said, trying to sound dangerous beneath his sobs.

"I'd like to see you try!" James challenged.

Sirius looked up at him, with red-rimmed eyes and wet cheeks. "Please."

"No."

Sirius just looked at him before declaring him a lost cause and lying down to stare at the ceiling.

They were both silent for a while, until James spoke quietly, "Whatever you might think about your family, I don't think they would have killed you."

Sirius let out another hysterical chuckle.

"What do you know, James? What the bloody fuck do you know?"

James almost faltered, at the use of his given name. But he plowed forward, "I just don't think they would do that…"

"You don't know—"

"I know what he's done, Padfoot. I witnessed it myself a few days, remember? I just don't think he'd do that to you."

"You're so naïve," Sirius said maliciously, "There isn't a rule that says parents have to love their children, you know. Life isn't a fairy tale, James. We don't all come with a happy end. Just because you…" Sirius mumbled incoherently.

"Just because I what, Sirius?" Sirius looked at him. "I won't apologize for having parents who love me, alright? They love _you_ too. You're being over-dramatic. He wouldn't have killed you. You're his own flesh and blood. If he cares about family and his name as much as you claim, he wouldn't have killed you," James continued, his voice getting louder and louder, "Ok, let's say he would. Do you think the rest of your psychotic family would have stood for it? Blacks who kill other Blacks are probably NOT a valued commodity. Say what you will about your family, Sirius, I know they're crazy. But they are also loyal. Even you can't deny that."

"There's no arguing with you," Sirius said, "I give up."

"Only because you know I'm right."

"Whatever you say," Sirius said sardonically, wiping his eyes with his sleeve, "Help me up, will you? My legs are so stiff."

"I'm not helping you anywhere," James declared, "For the ten millionth time you're _supposed_ to be resting."

"For fuck's sake, Prongs, I'll rest, I just want to stretch my legs."

"Oh all _right_. Keep your voice down."

James took hold of one of Sirius' arms and pulled it over his shoulders. Sirius clung to his friend, afraid of falling on his face. James gently placed Sirius on the hardwood floor. Sirius bent his working knee and gingerly tried to move the leg covered in a think cast.

"What d'you reckon?" he asked James.

James shrugged, "She left these with me," he crossed to his closet and pulled out a pair of crutches, "They're supposed to help you walk. You have to…"

"I've seen them before," Sirius cut him off. He fit the crutches under his arms easily and attempted to walk. He made it two feet before he fell on his face.

James bit back a laugh as he went to help him up. Sirius moaned pitifully but got back up and made another attempt with the crutches.

*CRASH*

"Shhh!" James whispered desperately.

"I didn't do it on purpose!" Sirius said in a furious whisper. When he got to his feet this time, he managed to keep his balance.

"You'll get the hang of it," James said reassuringly, "You only need to use them for a few months."

"A few _months_?" Sirius gasped, "Can't you just magic it better?"

"No," said James, "My mum tried. She said it had been cursed to heal slowly and painfully."

Sirius thought of his father.

"Of course."


	5. The Portrait

Halfway through his week of bed rest, Sirius had had enough. He even managed to convince James' parents to take him and their son to Diagon Alley for some school supplies. For James. Sirius had to think of some way to make enough money to put himself through the rest of his schooling. Of course, concocting plans was Sirius' specialty (just ask James).

They arrived promptly, wanting to "beat the rush." The first place they were headed was Gringotts. Sirius supposed it was worth a try just getting _into_ his father's vault. After all, he was the heir. Perhaps the vault would accept him. Because keys were not enough to enter the vaults of the "noble Blacks." A full retina scan was more Orion's speed, and for once, Sirius was glad for it. As a goblin drove Sirius to the ridiculously guarded vault, his stomach felt queasy. Perhaps his father had forseen Sirius' plans (as he usually did) and beaten him to the punch. What if he was walking right into a trap? Sirius dismissed this theory, Orion was busy, and surely he wouldn't have time to concoct an elaborate scheme all for the want of a few galleons he wouldn't even notice? Well maybe more than a few. Actually, Sirius was planning on stealing a great deal of money, enough to carry him for a good few years. In his opinion, it was his inheritance, and the Blacks had enough money, anyway.

When he arrived at the vault, Sirius uneasily put his face near the scanner. The vault clicked open, and Sirius let out a breath he hadn't realized he'd been holding.

The Black vault was truly a sight to behold. Jewels and gold were strewn every which way, like they were junk. And they might as well have been, due to the amount the Blacks had. Sirius had never been inside the vault before and his jaw dropped a little. It looked to be larger than his house, and there was so much to see. His instinct told him to take some money and run, but he was pulled by the irresistible urge to see what riches his father was hiding from him. But first things first. Sirius took out a sack (magicked to be never ending, of course) and grabbed a few handfuls of galleons and diamonds. He hobbled (the crutches were _murder_) through a narrow hallway into a small room. The first thing that caught his attention was something that couldn't really be missed: a portrait of himself.

He couldn't remember ever posing for a portrait, but he knew it was him. The portrait was flawless and he looked very beautiful, even though his stormy gray eyes were glittering in anger. He black hair fell nearly to his shoulders and his pale skin had scarcely a mark on it. He was wearing robes of the finest silk, with a green and silver tie. Sirius stared at the mysterious painting until something clicked. He never wore green and silver ties. Those were _Slytherin _colors and he was a Gryffindor. His face heated up in anger. Had his father told the painted to paint him as a Slytherin? He could not believe it. His father could be so…so… _Well either way_, Sirius thought to himself, _I'm not a Slytherin and no stupid painting is going to change that_. He took the painting down to modify it with a change in wardrobe where he noticed on the back an inscription. Just two words. _Orion Black_.

Sirius' jaw really did drop this time. He studied the painting again. It was just like he was looking in the mirror. Sirius supposed he was being stupid; people always said he did look just like his father. Still, his heart sank a little. How could they be so similar, yet so different? When his father looked at him, he had to see himself. So why did he hate Sirius so much? He swallowed hard, feeling tears again. They didn't come. Sirius threw the portrait down and decided to take what he came for. He piled more and more gold into his bag. He picked up a garnet ring dangerously similar to his fathers and lightly touched the scar on his face where he'd been cut by it. He stopped himself from thinking about his father again and pocketed it. He emptied a small treasure chest. He took an expensive looking pocket knife. He dumped necklaces, rings and bracelets with precious stones in them into the bag. When he decided he'd taken enough to buy and sell Hogwarts, he took out a scrap of parchment and a quill and wrote:

_Not even close to what you owe me._

_I hate you._

Sirius didn't bother signing it. His father would know it was him. He stuck the note to the small treasure chest and was about to walk away when he caught another glance of the portrait. For some reason, it just infuriated him to see his father looking just as he does. He pulled out the knife and was about the cut Orion through the face when he heard a terribly familiar voice.

"There's no need for that, is there?"

Someone caught Sirius' wrist as it was about to fall, and he felt himself being spun around against his will. Looking at his own stormy eyes, Sirius' breath caught in his throat. It was Orion.


	6. The Hunter

A sinister grin was on Orion's face. It sent shivers down his son's spine. The knife fell out of Sirius' hand as Orion took his other wrist and tried to force his sons arms down to his sides.

"Let…go…of…me…" Sirius struggled against his father's iron grip, as his crutches clattered to the floor. Orion complied, only to slap Sirius so hard he fell to the cold marble floor. He struggled to stand up. Orion smirked and lifted Sirius easily by his arm, and placed him shakily on his feet. Sirius waited for the other shoe to fall, but Orion didn't throw another punch. Sirius took this opportunity to reposition his injured leg and to ask, in a shaky voice, "How did you find me?"

To Sirius' great surprise, his father let out a laugh. "Sirius, you really are such a wonderful fool. It is no small wonder why I've kept you around. Did you think you were so clever to run away? Let me think: where in the world would a disgraced child with no more family and so few friends _go_? Maybe to dear little _James' _house, eh? After all, he'd get the most letters when you were home, wouldn't he? Did you think I didn't know who you were writing to? Did you think you could do _anything_ without it escaping my notice? You always complained how I don't care. You have no concept of how much I _do _care what you're up to, my little star. Even at Hogwarts, I'd have people keeping an eye on you. I know more about you than anyone. I can see right into your soul. But I do not flatter myself; you are so predictable and so delightfully stupid that I'm sure most people can read you like a book with the ease I can."

Sirius could feel his face burning with the old rejection. For some reason, he argued about the most pointless part of his father's speech. "I'm not stupid," he whispered, "I have the best marks of anyone at Hogwarts."

"Something that will never cease to amaze me. You're classmates cause me sleepless nights, for I can hardly bear to think of what the future will hold if it is run by people stupider than you."

"I'm still the best. I'm better than all of them. And I'm better than you. Grandfather Cygnus told me you were never even in the top ten percent." Sirius said smugly.

Again, Orion let out a laugh, "Being king of the fools still makes you a fool, son."

Sirius was continuously surprised that they hadn't been reduced to blows yet. He opened his mouth to speak again, "Then I suppose that makes _you_ the king of—" but Orion waved his wand and suddenly, Sirius couldn't speak at all.

"I haven't come here to hear the rambling of my deluded sixteen year old child. If I did, I'd just listen in when he was asleep. I came to stop him from stealing from me." Orion waved his wand again and Sirius' bag flew out from under his robes, causing him to stumble and fall again. Orion laughed and yanked Sirius to his feet a second time. He also lifted the spell.

"I was taking what is rightfully mine." Sirius said with dignity.

"Is _that _what this silly little note was about? You are terribly dramatic, you know. What _do _you have to offer, Sirius? No money, no family, no brains. If it weren't for your pretty little face, there wouldn't really be any use for you at all would there? And you have me to thank for that face don't you…?" Orion moved to pinch Sirius' cheek, but Sirius slapped his hand away, which was a mistake. Orion reared back and punched Sirius square in the face. For the third time in less than ten minutes, Sirius hit the marble floor because of his father. "Now look what you made me do," Orion said maliciously, "get up…" He moved to pick up his eldest son and Sirius yelled, "_Don't touch me!_" He managed to make it to his feet and flew at his father screaming, "_I hate you! I hate you!_"

"SHUT UP!" Orion roared, grabbing Sirius by the next with both hands and shaking him, "Don't you say that! Don't you ever say that to me again! Who do you think you are? You are my son, goddamn it! You are mine—"

Sirius choked. He knew he had about ten seconds before he passed out…but he had to do something. "_STUPEFY!"_ Sirius yelled unexpectedly. It came out more of a cough, but Sirius reckoned he was better with nonverbal spells than he thought because Orion went rigid and fell to the floor. Sirius almost fainted from surprise; he had actually gotten one over his father. He grabbed his crutches, and turned to leave but stopped and grabbed his money bag back. This money was his. He tore the portrait of Orion for good measure. He picked up the piece of parchment he had scribbled a note on and added: _I'm not your son_. He was about to walk out but paused a second time. He limped over to his father, stared for a moment, and then kicked him in the face. He felt a rush of adrenaline and excitement followed by a rush of shame. He had struck his own father while he was unconscious. What kind of person was he? _He deserved it_, Sirius thought, _After all he did to me, he deserved it and more_. Finally, Sirius left.

James was waiting for him outside. "What on earth took you so long? _Bloody hell_ _what happened to your face_?"

"It's over," was all Sirius said, "It's finally over."


	7. The Mirror

**Hey everyone (aka everyone who's still with me). Thanks to everyone who sent me a review, it really meant a lot to me. Special shoutout to The Terrible Jester who reminded me of this story (which at the time I had completely forgot about/gave up on).**

**I'm sorry if it seems slightly inconsistent...I have some new ideas I want to try out. One character I really want to explore is Orion Black, Sirius' father. The reason I'm trying this is because whenever he appears, he is just sort of a soulless human being who either ignores Sirius or hates him. I want to make him a person with a real relationship to Sirius, strained as it may be. I'm even considering writing about how he came to be so abusive (as I portray him) in a story about his childhood/when Sirius was born. If you'd be interested in reading something like that, please let me know and I'll get started on it.**

**Once and for all (this goes for every chapter) no Harry Potter character or concept belongs to me. **

Sirius refused James' further questions about the shiny black eye he now sported. Mrs. Potter made a fuss, but Sirius refused to have it healed. For some reason, it stood out to him as a medal of honor for standing up to his father. His thoughts were interrupted by James' voice

"What's next on this list?"

"Dress robes," his mother said joyfully, "Oh, I'm so excited!"

"Why?" James rolled his eyes, "Why would we need those anyway?"

"Obviously there will be some sort of dance, James! And hopefully you can convince some nice young lady to go with you. I know Sirius here won't have any trouble with that, will you dear?"

Sirius smiled handsomely, but hear Orion's cutting voice in the back of his mind. _If it weren't for your pretty little face…_Sirius shook his head, mentally telling himself he was good for more than just his looks. He tried to pay attention to what James was saying.

"…and if she just gave me a chance…"

Sirius rolled his eyes. He was talking about _Lily_. Evans. A girl that frankly, Sirius couldn't stand. She was annoying, stuck up, and generally bothered him. She always seemed so quick to judge the Marauders when she didn't even know them. But never mind explaining all of this to James. He was blind to her every fault.

"Prongs, the best way to get Evans to like you is to _stay away from her_. Really, any interaction between you two makes your relationship worse." Sirius said evenly.

James glared at him, but remained silent. When they arrived at Madame Malkins, Mrs. Potter made a point to talk to Madame Malkin for a good half hour before deciding to get the boys dressed. James was practically bored to tears; he _hated _trying on clothes. Unless if Lily was with him. He was sure he'd try on any clothes for Lily. Lost in thought, he didn't even protest when his mother shoved him into a room with more damnable dress robes. He tried on the next pair, a funny brown and blue sort and stepped out of the room.

Sirius let out the same sort of whistle he would is he saw a pretty girl walking down the street. James glared at him and felt his face turning red. His mother cried, "Oh, _Jamie_, you look so handsome," and threw her arms around him. Sirius was barely holding in his snickers.

"_Mum_, get a grip," James struggled underneath his mother's iron grip, "They're only _clothes_."

"You look wonderful. Look how they match your eyes." She forcefully spun him toward a mirror and James couldn't help but agree. They did bring out his hazel eyes, with a little ring of blue around them. He supposed he did look pretty good and grinned at his reflection.

Suddenly, without warning, a familiar redhead entered the shop. It was Lily Evans. She spotted James almost immediately and looked him up and down. "Well. Don't you clean up nice, Potter?" she said with a brief smile before disappearing into the girls section. James thought he might die of happiness. Sirius thought he might die of trying to keep his laughs down to a unnoticeable coughing fit. James noticed and shot him a dirty look. Sirius squeezed his eyes shut and thought he make have re-cracked his ribs from trying not to laugh. He took a few deep breaths to steady himself and James took this opportunity to smack the back of his head and growl, "Shut _up_, Padfoot!"

"_Jamie_! Don't you dare hit him!" Mrs. Potter snapped unexpectedly.

"But—"

"Mind your mother, _Jamie_." Sirius smirked. James made to hit him again.

"Sirius, be quiet, it's your turn," she shoved him into James' dressing room. Sirius stumbled on his bad leg, but managed to retain his balance. He even caught a few articles of clothing Mrs. Potter flung at him. The first thing he tried on were black robes, clearly very expensive, with silver cufflinks. He stepped out of the room.

"Oh you look so very handsome, my dear," Madame Malkin clucked, "Let me get you a tie, I know just the one…" She waved a wand and Sirius felt something like a noose tied around his neck. He loosened the tie, turned toward the mirror and froze.

"So very handsome," Madame Malkin sighed, "Really, just like his father…"

And for the second time today, Sirius saw a tall, dark, young, handsome man with a green and silver tie staring back at him. The robes appeared to be identical to the ones Orion had worn in the portrait. Sirius gulped. He felt very uneasy looking at himself. It was as if the reflection _was _his father, and the man was staring into his soul. His heart stopped. _I can see right into your soul…_Suddenly Sirius' reflection didn't look much like him at all. His gray eyes were glaring hatefully. His face was too perfect, it looked like a portrait. He couldn't look into his father's eyes any longer. He yanked the tie from his throat and turned his back on his reflection. He briefly wondered if the reflection had turned as well, or if its eyes were still on him. He chanced a glance over his shoulder, and then let out a deep sigh. It was him alright. He could see it in his own frightened eyes.

He noticed everyone was staring at him and nobody more intently than James. "Erm…I don't think green is my color…do you have another tie that would go with this?"

Madame Malkin was visibly disappointed. "Of course dear, but you…I mean, that tie…well never mind, try this one." She handed him a black tie with stripes of dark gray and silver. Sirius grinned and spun around; he saw himself again. "Well, how do I look?" he asked with a roguish grin.

"Very dashing indeed," Mrs. Potter smiled. "And you've certainly attracted a lot of attention." Indeed, every girl in the shop (and even a few boys) and stopped and stared at Sirius when he had given a spin and asked about his appearance. Even Lily Evans' eyes were on him. Now that he had noticed them all, most of them tried to make like they hadn't been watching, their faces turning red. Sirius grinned at the effect he had on girls. Why should he be ashamed of his good looks? _Pretty little face…_echoed in his mind. He glanced again at the mirror. It was just Sirius Black, carelessly handsome with a small amount of fear behind his dark, stormy eyes. He turned to James, grinning.

"You look alright, I guess. Nothing on me, of course." James said with a flourish.

"Oh really? I saw you checking me out. Your girl too, Prongs. You know, normally I'm not in to anything kinky, but for you—"

"Oh shut up," James interrupted, throwing a shoe a Sirius, which Sirius caught with ease, "let's go already."

"Careful, those are expensive!" Madame Malkin shrieked as Sirius threw the shoe right back at his friends.

"Really, boys, that's enough," said Mrs. Potter with a small smile, "Sirius, change back into your normal clothes before you break any more hearts. James, get your things and bring them up to the register. We still have things to do, you know."

Sirius strolled casually to the register, robes in tow. He pulled out some galleons to pay for them, but before he could leave, Madame Malkin stopped him.

"Take the tie, dear. It would suit no one better than you," Madame Malkin smiled at him, but Sirius felt uneasy, "I'm sure you're sick and tired of hearing this…but you look _so _like your father."


	8. The Letter

He did, didn't he? He did look _so _like his father. They had stopped for lunch at a muggle restaurant and Sirius couldn't help but be distracted by what Madame Malkin had said. Sirius hated the way she had said it. _You look _so _like your father_. That didn't _make_ him his father. If people knew what his father did to him, what he was capable of, they wouldn't want to be compared to Orion either. But no one knew. Sirius knew very well the consequences of telling someone what happened at the noble and most ancient house of Black, and they weren't pretty. He remember when he was seven…Sirius felt a wave of nausea. He didn't want to think about that day right now. He was still mulling over what Malkin had said. Sirius had lived his entire life as Orion's pet. He wanted to be seen as _Sirius_, not as Orion. But what could he do? The only thing he and Orion had in common was their appearance...right? Sirius picked up a spoon and studied his upside down face in it. Perhaps he could dye his…

"Vanity is a sin, Sirius," James teased, and yanked the spoon from Sirius' reach, "And we all know the last thing you need is another sin under your belt."

"Yes, there are far better things under my belt, aren't there, my friend?" Sirius winked at him.

James rolled his eyes. "You're disgusting."

"And you want me."

"I've never been _that _desperate."

"Well, you have been single for a good five years, so…"

"Shut up," James couldn't think of anything to say, and he was tired of Sirius' teasing, "You try getting laid when there's a big stupid bloke in your room for weeks."

Sirius looked generally offended, and James felt a small triumph. But Sirius wasn't offended by what James thought he'd be. "I'm not stupid." Sirius said quietly to himself.

When they had had their fill of food and shopping, Mrs. Potter and the boys headed home. Once they arrived, James poked Sirius and asked, "Fancy a game of Quidditch?"

"Not really. I'm kind of tired." Sirius sped off to his room before James could stop him. James was annoyed, and went to go speak to his mother.

"What do you reckon is wrong with Sirius?" he asked her.

"Whatever do you mean?"

"He's acting weird lately."

"Well," Mrs. Potter said with a sigh, "He's probably upset. You should try to talk to him. After all, the poor child has been through a lot. Just this summer, he's been kicked out of his home, think of how that must feel."

"He wasn't kicked out, Mum. He ran away. There's a difference. He made a choice. Things like that don't really bother Sirius. He doesn't care about his family."

"Just because he tells _you _he doesn't care, doesn't necessarily mean it's true."

"What's that supposed to mean? He tells me everything. He'd never lie to me."

"It's more complicated than you think, Jamie. You can't just flip a switch and stop loving someone. No matter what goes on in Sirius' family, they still love each other. Families are like that."

"Not Sirius,'" James contradicted, "Remember when Aunt Stella came to visit? She's friends with Sirius' mother and she says Walburga never loved Sirius as she loved Regulus."

"I don't believe that for a second. All mothers love their children."

Suddenly, James was angry and he wasn't quite sure why. He felt Sirius' words spilling out of his mouth, "I know the concept must be foreign to you, but his parents don't care about him. They don't love him."

Mrs. Potter was raising her voice as well, "And I know this concept must be foreign to _you_, because you don't _have_ children. You couldn't possibly understand-"

"I understand that Sirius' father would have seen him dead rather than disobedient!"

"Sirius father loves him. And Sirius loves his father. Neither of you are old enough to understand, but one day you will. No matter what happens between them, they are still father and son. Sirius is Orion's _child_, James. That bond is something I hope you experience someday."

James snorted, be he wasn't going to argue; he knew he was right. And Sirius knew the same. James had never met Orion face to face, but he knew enough about the man to know he did not love Sirius. It actually seemed as though Orion _hated _Sirius. James couldn't really make sense of it, but the few times he had seen Sirius interact with his father, it usually consisted of Orion making some angry complaint about Sirius (his hair, his marks, anything…) and Sirius cowering in fear. James recalled one incident when Sirius was going home for Christmas, and they walked off the train onto the platform together. Sirius had walked speedily over to his family and James had waited out of sight, listening to their conversation.

_When Sirius approached his father, he sank into a low bow. This struck James as very odd. His father told him that some of the old pure blood families act very oddly formal, as though they still live in the medieval ages. His mother had shushed his father and said to James simply, "They're just old fashioned, they have a more traditional way of life."_

_James supposed this was an example of how older families act "traditionally" but James still found it disconcerting. He also noticed that Sirius' legs were shaking, as if he was afraid of what would happen next. _

"_Oh stand up," Orion had snapped. Sirius let out a sigh of relief, which was short lived because Orion took this opportunity to pull Sirius toward him by way of his red and gold tie. "I see you're still in useless Gryffindor, eh?"_

"_Well, yeah. I mean, yes, sir."_

"_I suppose it could be worse. I suppose you could have been in Hufflepuff. I don't know what I would have done with you if you were in Hufflepuff."_

_Sirius appeared to not know how to respond, but Orion kept waiting for him to speak. He settled with, "I've been in Gryffindor three years now, and…"_

"_Yes, I am reminded of this every time I see you wearing those stupid robes. Why couldn't you just go to Slytherin like the rest of us? Why do you have to be so difficult?"_

"_The Sorting Hat placed me—"_

"_What kind of idiot do you think I am?" Orion's voice was getting steadily louder, "I know the Sorting Hat only placed you in Gryffindor because you didn't _want _to be in Slytherin, Sirius. I want to know why. Tell me."_

_James wondered briefly why Orion was bringing this up three years after Sirius had been sorted. Sirius must have been thinking along the same lines because he said softly, "Why are you asking me now?"_

"_You're old enough to explain yourself to me, aren't you? You're all grown up now, aren't you?"_

"_Father," Regulus cut in._

"_Be quiet, Regulus!" Orion snapped, "I am speaking to your brother. Sirius?"_

_Sirius looked as though he was considering carefully what he should say next. "Well…I supposed I just didn't want to be the same as everyone in our family. Bellatrix used to curse me when I was too young to defend myself. Aunt Cassiopeia doesn't seem to like anyone, and Grandfather Cygnus—"_

"_DON'T YOU SAY A WORD AGAINST MY FATHER!" It was lucky the station was almost empty because Orion had bellowed loud enough for everyone to hear. _

_All the blood drained from Sirius' face, as he realized he'd once again said the wrong thing, and he stuttered, "I…I…Father, I…" _

"_Don't want to be like me, eh? You think you're so much better? I hate to break it to you, but the blood that runs through your veins is my blood, Black blood, and you'll have to square with that someday." Orion raged, "You will always be one of us. You…ungrateful little…I raised you! I fed you! I changed your diapers! I put clothes on your back! You had everything! You had the best of everything! And you think you can just turn your back on me, on your family? You—"_

"_I didn't mean that! I didn't say anything like that! I'm sorry, Father, I—"_

"_DON'T INTERRUPT ME!" Orion backhanded Sirius, and he fell to the floor, clutching at his face._

"_Orion!" Walburga whispered, "Not where people can see."_

"_No one's watching. No one would see." Orion replied, looking at Sirius with a horrible look on his face. Sirius scrambled backward and threw his arms up to protect his face._

"_Please…"_

"_Alright!" Orion snapped. He yanked Sirius onto his feet by his outstretched arms and spoke directly to him, "We're going home. I can teach you a lesson without upsetting your mother." He took Sirius' wrist and pulled him toward the exit._

"_Yes, sir." Sirius said, wincing at the pressure on his wrist. He chanced a glance over his shoulder and saw James staring at him. He put a finger to his lips and mouthed, "Shh!"_

_James ran to find his parents._

James went to discuss things with Sirius, but Sirius was nowhere to be found. Finally, James heard the shower running and deduced that Sirius was taking a hot shower. James decided to take a nap and talk to his friend when he woke up.

_I wonder why he hates me so much_, Sirius thought for the millionth time in his life, _I wonder why he prefers Regulus_. Regulus, as it was, looked much more like Walburga than Orion. Although he was in no way ugly, Regulus could never be reasonably compared to Sirius. Regulus' hair was a dull black, while Sirius' shone and seemed to be blacker than black. Regulus' eyes were a washed out hazel while Sirius' were constantly changing from the brightest silver to the darkest of grays. It was also a matter of how they carried themselves. Regulus hunched over, quietly trying to take up as little space as possible where Sirius danced around and laughed with everyone, his smile brought an entire room to life. But Sirius rarely smiled anymore, and even when he did, there was still sadness behind his eyes.

Sirius liked the feeling of the hot water scalding his skin. He took the hottest showers of anyone he knew because when the water burned him, it was like it was cleansing him of all the bad things that had happened that day. It was a technique he'd learned when he was younger, and it also used to help with the stings of the cuts and bruises on his body. Sirius closed his eyes and tried to wash away what had happened today. The portrait…his father's horrible remarks about him…how he had claimed he was always watching Sirius…the face in the mirror that had seemed horribly familiar…Madame Malkin's whisper of how he looked _so _like his father…it all seemed to melt away under the heat. Sirius resolved to stop thinking about his family, especially his father. Unfortunately, this resolution was short lived because once he went downstairs to find James, Mr. Potter had come home and he was holding out a letter to Sirius.

"Evening, kid. This letter just came for you, from that owl." He pointed to a jet black, evil looking owl. The letter was from his father, alright. What could he possibly have to say to Sirius after their argument this morning, which may have been the first time in years they'd actually held a conversation longer than two minutes and didn't end in Sirius being beaten with his father's cane? _Well, _Sirius supposed, _if I hadn't stunned him that's probably how it would have ended_. Sirius took the letter and hoped it wasn't cursed. It looked safe enough, and curses were not very subtle anyway. Sirius opened the letter; it was very short, only a few lines:

_Sirius,_

_It is urgent that I speak with you. If you're wondering whether or not it concern our little disagreement this morning, I can assure you it does not. There are legal matters I must discuss with you. I respectfully request that you meet me for dinner at the Silver Eagle tonight at 9:00. Come alone._

_ -Orion Black_

Sirius read it three times in quick succession, and his mouth went dry. This just didn't add up. Sirius and his father had spent most of their lives together ignoring each other, unless Sirius had done something to warrant a beating (which was quite often, as it was). In the span of a few days, Orion was curiously interested in his son. Was it a trap? Was Orion going to drag him back to Grimmauld Place by his hair? What could the _legal matters_ be? He realized it must pertain to his being disowned by the family. And what did _I respectfully request _mean, anyway? As if Sirius Black didn't know an order from his father when he saw one.

"You don't have to go, you know," Mr. Potter said with anxious eyes. Sirius supposed he had said the letter out loud once. Or twice. "He can't control you if you stay out of his reach."

"I'll go," Sirius was as surprised as everybody else to hear the words leave his mouth, "I'm not afraid of him. I'll go, finish the 'legal matters' and I'll be free of him forever."

Mr. Potter seriously doubted that, but James responded first, "Are you _serious_?"

"As my name."

"I hate it when you make that joke."

"I guess you should stop setting me up for it," Sirius shrugged than walked upstairs, "I should get ready, it's getting late."

Mr. and Mrs. Potter exchanged a look.

"What do you make of this?" Mrs. Potter asked.

"Haven't a clue," Mr. Potter responded, "Orion must have some sort of unfinished business with the kid, I don't know, maybe he means to drag him back home. Maybe he wants his heir back."

"I don't understand."

"Orion may not love Sirius, but Sirius is valuable to him."

"I told you, Mum," James interjected smugly, "I told you he didn't love—"

"Quiet, James," Mr. Potter cut him off, "If he isn't back in two hours, I'm heading for Grimmauld Place. There was a time when I may not have stood up to Orion Black because he was 'untouchable.' But I'll be damned if I don't stand up to him for Sirius."

"Be careful, Charles, you don't know what he's capable of…"

"He doesn't know what I'm capable of," Mr. Potter shot back, "Sirius is as much a part of this family as any of us, and I won't let him be bullied by that monster any longer."

"Wish me luck, everybody!" Sirius chose this moment to barrel down the stairs and run out the door.

"Be careful!" called Mrs. Potter.

"I will!" they heard in the distance.

Sirius was gone.

The Potters stared after him.


	9. The Speech

Blacks were always punctual and Sirius was no exception. He was walking up to the restaurant door when he felt a familiar ring-clad hand grab his arm forcefully. Of course his father had beaten him there.

"So glad you could come, Sirius."

"Not planning on killing me, are you?"

Orion laughed, which made Sirius nervous, "If I was going to kill you, I would have done it a long time ago, kid. Come on, then." Orion pushed Sirius unceremoniously through the door. The hostess got them a table immediately, recognizing members of the Black family. Sirius kept waiting for the other shoe to drop, but Orion spoke of nothing but stupid Black family matters and Sirius was getting tired of it.

"So," Orion began, eyeing his son in amusement, "why'd you ruin my portrait?"

Sirius said nothing.

"We both know why you did it. I just want to hear you say it."

"I was doing you a favor," Sirius said, "It wasn't very flattering."

"I saw you staring at it. Does it really upset you so much that you look like me?"

"I'm not you."

"I didn't say you were."

"Just because you look like me…"

At this Orion let out a loud laugh. "I think you forget who came first, Sirius. I named you, I bathed you, I taught you everything you know. It's my blood that runs through your veins and it's my genes that made you what you are. There's no denying that you look just like me and that you are just like me."

"I am _nothing _like you," Sirius snarled.

"Aren't you? You think I'm so terrible. What happened to that business with the werewolf prank where you nearly killed a Slytherin boy? What about that?"

Sirius went white. "I didn't mean to—"

"You meant to eliminate someone who was in your way," Orion said smugly. He was looking at Sirius in a proud way that made Sirius uncomfortable, "And you used the resources around you to deduce the most efficient and clean way to eliminate that person. Very clever. Deep down, you're just like me, Sirius, and you know it."

"I am not," Sirius said, his voice shaking, "I made a mistake and I learned from it."

"That hardly matters. You think you can just go back and pretend nothing happened? They'll always view you differently now. After five years of hard work denying who you were one little incident brings you back where you belong. You think you can just—"

"You can. You can say you're sorry."

Orion just laughed. "You're so young."

"Why do you hate me so much?" Sirius couldn't stop himself from asking the question that had plagued him for years.

Orion stared at him blankly. Sirius had never seen his father look so disarmed.

"How could you think that?"

Suddenly it was Sirius himself who was left with no clue of what to say. He stuttered, "Well…well…you've always preferred Regulus to me!" Sirius hated how childish he sounded—since when did he care what Orion thought? "You hit me all the time! More than you ever hit Regulus! You're always yelling at me about how I'm such a disappointment."

"Because you are."

"_I don't care_!" Sirius knew his voice sounded fragile, he felt close to tears and hated himself for it. He also knew he was starting to attract attention in the restaurant, but he wanted to be able to speak to his father without being hit in the face, "I don't care what you think, and I don't care if you hate me. Because I hate you too. I hate you just as much as you hate me. Maybe more. I don't care about you at all."

"You do care. Otherwise, you wouldn't be so upset about it, and you wouldn't even have asked me about it. If you truly didn't care what I think, you wouldn't be in tears over the prospect of me hating you." Orion pointed out calmly.

"I'm not crying." Sirius said icily.

"Yet."

"Answer the question, Father."

"Do you really think I hate you?" Orion asked incredulously.

"You do."

"Do I? Yes. Yes, I do. I do hate you. I hate looking at you. When I look at you, I remember every mistake I've ever made in my life, and I constantly see you repeating them. You're impulsive, foolish, stubborn, naïve, and completely oblivious to every stupid thing you do. You don't understand anything about the world, and you resent me for trying to teach you what you desperately need to learn. And I hate you for hating me, and what I represent, when all I've ever wanted was the best for you. And I hate you for hating yourself. Because I love you. I love you so much it's going to destroy everything I've worked for my entire life. You're going to kill me, or drive me to madness, and I hate you for it because I love you more than anything in this world."

Sirius didn't know what exactly he was expecting, but it was nothing even resembling that. He felt close to tears again, and didn't even know why. He tried to remember who he was dealing with. This was Orion Black. His father was manipulative, self-obsessed and untrustworthy. Sirius tried to remember every horrible thing Orion had ever done to it (there were many), but his heart was full of emotion. Sirius told himself he was feeling exactly what Orion wanted him to feel right now. Sirius opened his mouth and closed it again, still at a loss of what to say. He wondered if he has misjudged his father all along. He shook off that thought quickly and mentally screamed at himself. _Are you an idiot? You're playing right into his hands!_ Sirius closed his eyes and reminded himself why he hated his father. He saw himself, age six, crying because Orion had broken his arm by grabbing him too roughly, in order to spin him around and spank him. He saw himself, age ten, being dragged across the floor by his hair, and struggling against his father's grip. He saw himself, age thirteen, being locked in the cellar and screaming his head off for help, and no one coming. He saw himself, last week, being paralyzed while his father beat him within an inch of his life. The memories were jarring enough for Sirius to regard his father coldly once again.

"You've got no right to say that now."

"I'll always have a right to say it. I know you don't want to hear this, but you're still my son. And I'm still your father. No matter what happens between us, that will never change. I will always love you, though you infuriate me so, and I know you'll always love me."

"What's this all about, Father?" Sirius finally snapped, "I know you didn't invite me here because you enjoy my company."

"You have no subtlety, Sirius," Orion said with a smirk, and the strange moment between the two Blacks passed, everything was back to normal, "Of course I enjoy your company, but you're right; it isn't why I need to speak to you about something else. Come with me."

They left the restaurant. Orion took Sirius by the hand, as if he were a child, and led him down a dark alleyway. Sirius was getting more and more suspicious. He gripped his wand with his free hand.

"I'm not going to attack you, dolt," Orion said, "I just don't want us to be disturbed."

Had Orion read his mind? Sirius felt a thrill of terror and gripped his wand even more tightly. Finally, Orion halted, turned and put both his hands on his sons' shoulders.

"Your uncle Alphard is dead."

It wasn't what Sirius was expecting at all. Alphard was still a young man; only two years older than Orion. "What?" he whispered.

"You heard me. Alphard is dead and I came to request your attendance to the funeral and the will-reading. It's what Alphard would have wanted of you. I know you care about that much more than whatever I want of you." Orion finished bitterly.

"Uncle Alphard is dead." Sirius said in a whisper.

Suddenly, all Sirius could think of was uncle Alphard. Alphard has always cared for Sirius no matter what. Alphard let Sirius stay with him, hugged Sirius, intervened when he though Orion was beating Sirius too hard, read to Sirius, gave Sirius wonderful gifts. It was Alphard who had made Sirius who he was. Sirius recalled once when he was five and uncle Alphard had taken him out to lunch:

"_Who are those wizards who are dressed poorly, Uncle Alphard?"_

"_Sirius, they're Muggle born wizards. They don't have as much money as you and I."_

"_They are Mudbloods? I should have known. My father can always tell a Mudblood when he sees them."_

_Alphard stopped, "Mudblood, eh? What does that mean?"_

_Sirius was ashamed to admit he didn't know, "It's what my father calls them."_

"_Sirius, let me ask you something. If you got a papercut, you'd bleed, wouldn't you?"_

"_I suppose."_

"_What color is your blood?"_

"_It's red, of course!"_

_Alphard pointed to the muggle born wizards, "What would happen if they got papercuts? What color would their blood be?"_

_Sirius shrugged._

"_You know the answer."_

_Sirius sighed, "It'd be red, like mine."_

"_That's right. So there is no such thing as dirty blood, is there? What separates you from them if you both bleed the same way? Just because somebody doesn't have magic parents, that doesn't make you better than them. Just because somebody doesn't have as much money as you, that doesn't make you better than them either. We are all really the same inside. Our hearts beat the same. We bleed the same. We are one. Society keeps inventing ways for people to believe they are better than other people. But you're special, Sirius. And that muggle born boy is special, too."_

"_My father says we aren't the same."_

"_Does your father know everything? Is he always right?"_

"_Yes," Sirius said sadly, "he knows everything. He is so smart, and I am so stupid. I am a bad boy. I am a stupid boy. That's why he…" Sirius trails off, horrified at what he almost let slip._

"_I know what he does. And you aren't a bad boy, Sirius, and you certainly aren't stupid. You're the smartest boy I've ever met! That's why I'm disappointed you let your father trick you into believing you are better than people with no magic parents."_

_Sirius clung to his uncle. He didn't want the only member of his family who thought he was worth something to be disappointed in him. "I'm sorry!" Sirius cried, "Don't be disappointed in me! I don't think I'm better than anyone, I don't!"_

"_I know you don't," Alphard smiled, "But remember this Sirius, no matter what anyone says, you are the brightest boy I know and you can make your own decisions about things. Don't ever let anyone tell you different. You are so special, Sirius. I love you so much."_

Sirius realized with a horror that tears were running down his face. Orion pulled him forcefully into his arms. "There, there, Sirius," Orion said, not sounding upset at all, "I know you and Alphard had a special bond, what with being outcasts of the family and blood traitors and such…"

Something in Orion's voice made Sirius halt. His voice was cold, calculated, almost…amused. "You did this," Sirius accused, looking right into his father's soulless eyes, "didn't you?"

"Why would I have a hand in the death of my own brother?" Orion said, smiling at Sirius as if they were not discussing murder.

"The money."

"Do I need money, little idiot?" Orion snickered.

"You're sabotaging me."

Orion just looked at him. "Why would I do that?"

"I don't know. But I'm going to find out." Sirius turned away, ready to storm off until he realized he couldn't really storm off in crutches, and he didn't know when or where the funeral would be. He turned to see his father laughing openly at him.

"Why don't you come home for a little while, Sirius? Don't you think it's time you came home? After all, mourning is a time for family, and I miss having you around."

"Don't play your little mind games on me. I'm never going back…to Grimmauld Place," Sirius stopped himself just in time before he said the potent word—home. "I'm fine where I am, and after this year at Hogwarts, I have enough money to get my own flat. With James."

"Yes," said Orion evenly, "With James." He studied Sirius for a minute then said, "You mean with _my _money, of course."

Sirius shrugged, "You'll die eventually. What's the point of waiting for it, if I need the money now?"

He had finally gone too far. Orion grabbed Sirius by the elbow, twisted him around and slammed him against the wall of the alley. Sirius distinctly heard something crack and he couldn't help but let out a pitiful yelp. He struggled, but as usual his father had the upper hand. Orion said, in a deadly whisper, "That was an unkind thing to say. Mind your father, Sirius. As usual, you need a lesson in manners. Have you already forgotten yourself? You've only been gone for a week. The reason you have that money is because I am _allowing _you to have it. If I wanted it back, I'd strip you of every single penny you have. Understand? Perhaps you owe me a thank you for that. So thank me."

Sirius could barely make a sound with his face smashed against a wall, but managed a muffled, "Fuck you." Although Sirius was sure Orion didn't hear it, his father still pressed his wand into Sirius' back and tightened his grip on his son's elbow and said, "What was that?"

Sirius caved. "Thank you," he moaned brokenly.

"Good boy," Orion threw Sirius face first on the ground, "Now, let's go home. Get up."

"I'm not your dog." Sirius spat, "Don't command me like that."

"Well…actually Sirius is the dog star, you know. And you are _my_ son, aren't you? So, in a way…"

"I'm not going! I'm not ever going back there!" Sirius managed.

There was no light in the alleyway, but Sirius still saw his father's eyes flash with anger. Orion took a step toward his son, and Sirius tried to crawl away. Orion grabbed Sirius' injured leg and pulled his son back toward him. Sirius didn't even try to contain his scream of pain. Orion took his cane and started beating Sirius' backside and legs. Sirius yelled and yelled until Orion put a silencing charm on him. When he couldn't make a noise, Sirius just closed his eyes and let tears fall down him face silently. When he was bruised and bloody, Orion lifted the spell and yanked Sirius to his feet.

"We're going home," Orion said maliciously, "unless you don't want to."

Sirius let out a weak sob and said nothing. He was tired and hurt and could barely stand up. He couldn't believe he was so stupid for coming. Orion was supporting Sirius' weight entirely, and was not enjoying it. He faltered for a second but then lifted Sirius bridal style and Sirius moaned in pain. Orion ignored him. He shot up a few sparks with his wand and two men grabbed Sirius from Orion's arms and held him.

Orion addressed the two men. "Take him home. Lock him in his room and make sure he stays there. I don't want you letting anyone in there except me. Got it?"

"Yes, sir." They replied.

Sirius felt like he was going to be sick. He heard something clatter onto the ground he supposed had fallen out of his pocket. It was a mirror. The two way mirror he shared with—

"JAMES!" Sirius screamed unexpectedly. He knew James had the other mirror. It took all his energy, but Sirius continued to scream the name of the only person who ever helped him, "JAMES! JAMES! HELP ME, JAMES! Aargh…" He fell silent when Orion landed a blow on his jaw that was hard enough to knock out teeth. He was going back. Orion would never let him leave again. Orion turned on the spot and vanished.

*_CRACK*_

Mr. Potter appeared out of nowhere with James. Mr. Potter stunned the two men who were holding Sirius and James ran over and grabbed him before he crashed to the ground. Feeling no shame, Sirius threw his arms around his best friend. He doubted he had ever been so happy to see anyone in his life. James stood surprisingly steady for his friend's dead weight. Sirius tried to mumble a thank you, but collapsed again and knew no more.


	10. The Will

**This chapter is pretty short, and I'm not sure I really got it right...so sorry about that. Thanks for the reviews, they are much appreciated. Keep 'em coming, they encourage me to write faster ;)**

**Rebel**

For what felt like the thousandth time, Sirius was waking up in James bed, feeling as though he'd been hit by a truck. This was certainly getting old. He was tired of being a nuisance to everybody, and tired of feeling worthless. What would he have done if James' hadn't shown? Well he was done leaning on people. He was sixteen years old and a Black; he could take care of himself. He threw his things in the truck and grabbed his crutches. He levitated his trunk and made to leave when he walked right into James.

"Ouch!" James complained. He glanced at Sirius and his trunk, "Where do you think you're going?"

"I've done my time, I'm going to get my own place."

"But why?" James appeared genuinely hurt, "Why do you want to leave?"

Sirius paused. "It's not that I want to leave _you_. I can't put you and your family in any more danger. It wouldn't be right."

"Don't be such a prat, Padfoot, you're staying with us."

"I can't do this, Prongs. I can't live life looking over my shoulder for him. You could get hurt. Your parents could get hurt. I owe you too much to let that happen. I need to be on my own and fight my own battles."

James just looked at him. "You don't owe me anything. My dad said you're much a part of this family than any of us."

Hearing this made Sirius' heart ache with joy and a terrible sadness. "You've all been so good to me. Especially you, Prongs. I don't know what would have become of me if it hadn't been for you."

"You would have made it," James grinned, "I have no doubt."

"I'll see you at the beginning of term, Potter."

"Padfoot, wait. I'll go to the funeral with you."

Sirius froze. "What?"

"Come on, I'll go with you. I don't want you alone facing your horrible family."

Sirius smiled in a sad sort of way, "Thanks, Prongs."

"Anytime. Why don't you stay here until the funeral is done with?"

"Nah, I'll just meet you here. Nice try, though."

"I'll see you in a couple of days then. Be safe."

"I always am."

The house was unusually quiet and somber without Sirius and Mrs. Potter had actually cried when he left. The rest of the week passed without interest and before James knew it, Sirius was standing in front of his house again, wearing all black dress robes. He had smoothly covered the remains of his black eye and his eyes were bright silver. James walked over to him and asked, "Are you ready?"

"As I'll ever be."

When Sirius arrived with James, they both attracted a lot of stares. James for being a non-Black and Sirius for being…well…Sirius. It's hard not to be noticed when you're the only family outcast left. Sirius caught his father's eye and looked away. He felt his father's eyes stay on him, but didn't turn around. He sat with James toward the back and remained silent during the entire mass. When the whole miserable affair was over, James excused himself to go to the bathroom and Sirius walked up toward the casket that held his uncle Alphard. It was open. Sirius always hated those; they creeped him out. But he wanted to say goodbye to the best man he knew. He stared down at Alphard's still young face and felt tears leak out of his eyes. He whispered to the man, "You were the only one who understood me. You were the only one who cared about me. How could you leave me with them? How could you leave me with _him_?" It wasn't fair how to good people died and the evil lived forever. Sirius knelt next to his uncle and sobbed openly, "I don't blame you!" he wailed, "I would have left me too! But now I have no family left at all!"

Sirius heard someone kneel next to him and put their arms around him. It was James. Sirius sank into the hug, feeling weak and alone. James held him and stroked his hair gently.

"Poor Sirius," said James, in a voice that didn't sound much like him at all, "You're so alone in the world aren't you? Does it frighten you? To know how truly alone you are?"

Sirius eyes snapped open, and he realized it wasn't James who was holding on to him. He struggled to break free of his father's grasp, but Orion held him tight and crushed Sirius to him. "It doesn't have to be this way, Sirius. You don't have to be alone."

"Let go!" Sirius cried, "What do you want from me? How miserable do I have to be before you're happy? Why won't you leave me alone?"

"You're my son. You belong with me, with your family, at home."

"I'll never go with you! You're like the goddamn devil! I'd rather die before I go with you!"

Orion made a grab for his son which Sirius narrowly avoided. "Shut your mouth. Never say that again." Sirius looked as though he was poised to run. "Get back here!" Orion commanded in a voice that used to make Sirius snap to attention but today he just stood up and edged away carefully. "SIRIUS! I am _ordering _you to return home today. You've had some time alone; you will obey your father and return home."

"I'll never go back. I'm going someplace where my mistakes aren't punishable with broken bones."

Orion's eyes narrowed. "I'll break every bone in your body, if that's what it takes. I'll drag you back by your hair if I have to. You'll go where I tell you, and I'm telling you to come home."

"No."

The two Black men stood glaring at each other for a while until Sirius made to walk away. Before he could, Orion spoke softly, gently taking his son's arm. "I can assure you; your place is with your family. You don't belong with the Potters or any of the other trash you hang around with. Werewolves and mudbloods? What happened to you? Where's my son?"

"I _do _belong with the Potters. And the trash I hang around with are more my family than _you _and all the other Blacks have ever been. And I'm not your son. Not anymore."

Orion dropped Sirius' arm as though it had burned him. An unrecognizable look crossed Orion's face. Was it hurt? Regret? As long as Sirius had known his father, Orion had never showed signs of either emotion. All Sirius knew was that Orion had dropped his arm. Sirius took a few steps away to test the water.

"What's going on in here?" James had finally reappeared. He walked briskly over to Sirius and took his arm, "Come on, Sirius, let's go."

"What will you have when they're all gone, Sirius? You'll have nowhere to go; you'll come crawling back to me." Orion had snapped out of his reverie.

Sirius stopped and turned around. "What's that supposed to mean?"

"You know what it means." Orion eyes flickered to James and back to Sirius, "I can take everything from you. I can leave you with nothing. And I will. Unless you come home and behave yourself."

Sirius swallowed, processing the threat.

"He's not ever going back." James snapped unexpectedly.

Sirius motioned to James and walked out and didn't look back at his father, who was still standing there. Orion looked as though he wasn't quite sure what had hit him. Sirius went into a bathroom, threw some water on his face and walked into the small meeting room where Alphard's closest family was gathered for the will reading. Once again, Sirius avoided everyone's eyes, but he didn't have to. The entire group was watching a wizard at the head of the table who was holding a small but important piece of paper.

"Ahem," began the wizard, "Alphard would have me read something before the will, so bear with me, please."

The Blacks shifted uncomfortably.

"To my dearest family: I hope you all know that although I may be gone now, my love for you will last forever. Truly, I have never known anything as special as my family. Although we may have disagreed sometimes (perhaps most of the time), each and every one of you has a special place in my heart. But I know you're here for business so I'll keep it the will short and sweet.

"I, Alphard Cygnus Black, being of sound mind and body, do hereby bequeath my estate, my assets and all my possessions to my dearest nephew, Sirius Orion Black.

Silence. Then pandemonium.

"THAT'S IT?" screamed Narcissa.

"EVERYTHING GOES TO…TO…_SIRIUS_?" cried Bellatrix.

"How could he?" wailed Regulus.

"What about the rest of us?" yelled Rodolphus.

"I will not allow him to—" snarled Orion

"SILENCE!" shouted the wizard at the head of the table. "These are Alphard's wishes."

The Blacks all composed themselves, and the table was silent, save for someone chuckling in the corner. It was Sirius. His laughs were getting louder and sounding slightly hysterical.

"You should have…you should've…you should've _seen your faces_!" Sirius laughed maniacally, and James felt concerned (Sirius did sound rather hysterical) but couldn't help but join in. All of the Blacks looked gobsmacked and Sirius' laugh was so contagious, he just couldn't help it.

"Sirius…Orion…Black…that's…that's ME! STUPID, USELESS BLOOD TRAITOR ME! What a scandal," Sirius continued laughing hysterically, "And you all came here to pinch at a dead man's pockets…WAIT! Shhhhh!" Sirius scolded, as if he weren't the only person making any noise. He closed his eyes and said, "I want to remember this moment forever. I want to remember…" His eyes snapped open.

"That's right! And I am…I'm FREE!" Sirius danced around the table, wringing everyone's hands. He snatched the vault key that was in the bewildered will wizard's hand. He even grabbed James around the waist and lifted him into the air. "Oh, here's your money back, _Orion_." Sirius tossed the bag at his father, narrowly missing his head. "HASTA LA VISTA, MOTHERFUCKERS! Have a great life! Looks like Gryffindor's won the house cup again, eh?".

Sirius addressed his family one more time, "So, don't bother to keep in touch because I hate you all. I've waited so long to say that. It feels so good. I hate you. I _hate_ you. I hate you all so fucking much. Honestly, I've always hated you. The only thing you ever taught me was how to hate. And I do it so well, but then, you all make it so fucking easy for me. Oh, and don't bother to come to my funeral because none of you are going in _my_ fucking will."

Sirius blew a kiss to his still frozen family, and walked away for the last time, his middle fingers high in the air.


	11. The Memory

**Here I am! Thanks for the reviews and PMs. They make me so happy. Hope everyone is still enjoying the story and that I haven't messed it up yet!**

**R**

Orion stormed into the noble and most ancient house of Black and threw his coat at the nearest house elf. He walked swiftly up to his office without speaking to his wife or his youngest son and slammed the door. How could Alphard have do that to them? _What an embarrassment._ Orion thought, _and _he'll _be unbearable. How am I going to get him back now that he has enough money to buy and sell the town?_ Thinking of his son's smiling face when he walked out on Orion and the rest of the Blacks forever made something inside Orion stir. He knocked over his desk with one hand and yelled in frustration. Where had he gone wrong with that child? Orion sunk into his office chair, his head in his hands. Orion remembered when Sirius _was_ just a child; before he became difficult. He remembered his baby, his first born boy.

"_He's tiny." Was the first thing the new seventeen-year-old father said when he saw his son._

_Walburga smiled, "He looks just like you. He's going to be gorgeous when he gets older."_

"_He's perfect _now_," Orion disagreed. The baby grabbed his finger and Orion smiled, "I love him."_

"_I knew you would," Walburga replied._

"_Walburga what if…what if we do it wrong?"_

"_What do you mean?"_

"_What if we can't raise him right and something happens to him?"_

"_Don't worry about that. We have your parents and my parents and we have each other. Everything will work out fine. What shall we name him?"_

_Orion considered and the baby opened his eyes. Eyes that were the brightest silver Orion had ever seen, "His name is Sirius because it's the brightest star in the sky. And I can tell he'll be the brightest star in the world." Orion finished with a smile._

"_Sirius Orion Black. How does that sound?"_

"_It sounds perfect."_

But everything hadn't worked out fine. Sirius was born difficult and got worse. He never wanted to do as he was told. Orion supposed nowadays people would have explanations for his failure with Sirius; he had gotten married too young, he was not old enough to have a child…and of course there was the controversy on whether beating children is ethical or not. What these people failed to realize was that Orion's father had employed all of these factors and Orion had turned out fine. So what was wrong with Sirius? Orion knew beatings got results; when he was a child, a few smacks were enough to make him shape up. When Sirius was younger, usually the threat of Orion's belt would be enough to make him behave. Something had changed when Sirius went to Hogwarts; it was as though his ability to obey his father had flown out the window. He supposed this was James Potter's doing. And although Orion could usually reign Sirius back in during the summer, it became increasingly difficult and he had to use more and more force.

Orion didn't like hurting Sirius but honestly; it had to be done. The boy had an attitude problem and didn't know his place. He had such a way of infuriating Orion so that Orion always had a tendency to hit Sirius with more force than he had ever hit Regulus. Sirius would claim it's because Orion preferred Regulus, but both Orion and Regulus knew that to be false. Orion wished he could go back to when Sirius was a baby.

Orion closed his eyes and willed himself not to think of his defiant child anymore. But all he could see was Sirius' gray eyes, _his _eyes, and it angered him immensely. He looked at the framed pictures on his desk. One was of his and Walburga's wedding day. They had been so young then; they were smiling and waving at the camera. Another was the entire family: Orion, Walburga, Sirius and Regulus. They had the picture taken in front of Number Twelve, Grimmauld Place. Orion remembered instructing them not to smile; people always look infinitely more attractive and intimidating when they weren't smiling, after all. His idea had merit. Both Regulus and Sirius looked handsome and grave. Orion opened his desk drawer and took out a photograph he had removed from his desk the day Sirius had been sorted. It was the day when he knew he lost his son. Nevertheless, it was still his favorite picture. His favorite featured himself and little Sirius. Sirius was about two years old in the photograph. He was holding Sirius above his head and Sirius was laughing joyously at being so high in the air. Orion watched himself in the photo as he kissed Sirius and Sirius reached his little arms out for his father. Orion threw the picture at the wall with all his might. He heard the glass of the frame shatter. He couldn't erase what Sirius had said. _I'd rather die than go with you…More my family than _you…_I'm not your son. Not anymore._

The smiles and laughs had faded from Sirius Black's face as he thought of his uncle; dead at his brother's hands and using Sirius for his last defiant act. Sirius wondered if Orion was issuing a warning to him. Or to James. Sirius had a headache. He couldn't fathom what Orion was planning. Sirius could never understand Orion although it seemed as though Orion could always understand Sirius. They (Sirius and James) were back at the Potters' now; the afternoon had tired Sirius out and James had suggested he come over for dinner. Sirius had resisted only a little until he gave into James' nagging. He was glad he had done so; he didn't much feel like being alone with his thoughts right now. James must have been thinking along the same lines.

After Sirius and the Potters had eaten a nice big meal Sirius and James went upstairs. Sirius had decided to sleep over; Mrs. Potter had insisted it was too dark to walk back. Sirius had told her he took the Knight Bus. Mrs. Potter insisted the Knight Bus was unsafe. He told her he would Floo. She claimed they were out of Floo Powder. Finally he had given in, as he usually did when it came to the Potters. He went into the bathroom and checked his face in the mirror. The potion he had taken a few hours ago was one he had known how to use his whole life. It made bruises vanish temporarily. He saw it was beginning to wear off; he could see the outline of the ugly purple splotch on his jaw (from being punched in the face) and his left temple was smarting (from being slammed into a wall). He sighed and left the bathroom. He entered James' room and sat across from James on James' bed. James looked up at him as if he had been waiting for Sirius' arrival.

"You know what you should do?" James said without smiling, "You should tell. You should tell the world what they did to you. What _he _did to you."

"I could never tell," Sirius said nervously, "He'd kill me."

"He wouldn't."

"He _would_,Prongs. Didn't I ever tell you what he did when I accidentally told when I was seven?"

James shook his head slowly.

"It isn't a pretty story."

"Are any of your stories pretty?" James asked, only half joking.

"When I met you." Sirius made a kissy face at James. James retaliated by throwing a pillow at him.

"Must have been the greatest day in your miserable life, eh?" James said laughingly, but the smile had faded from Sirius' face. He appeared to be in deep thought for a minute, but resurfaced quickly.

"Do you want to hear the story or not?" Sirius demanded.

James nodded and stared intensely at his friend.

"Well…"

_Sirius was seven years old, and he had wandered off in Diagon Alley. He was a big boy, after all and he didn't need his parents breathing down his neck every minute of the day. He just wanted to find a pet shop where he could play with some puppies. Sirius loved dogs and he especially loved puppies. His father had even promised him a puppy after he had accidentally hurt Sirius the other day. Sirius knew his father never _meant _to hurt him; it just happened sometimes. His mother had told him that his father loved him very much, so much that he had to hurt Sirius when he was a bad boy. Sirius was often a bad boy, though he didn't mean to be. Yesterday for instance, Sirius had been bad. He had been playing in the living room with a Quaffle when he accidentally broke one of his Father's glass orbs. Sirius didn't know what the orb was for, but he knew his father would be angry with him for breaking it. He ran into his room and locked the door. He hid under the bed. Sure enough, his father was very angry with him that day, when he discovered what Sirius had done. His father had stormed upstairs and banged on Sirius' door, demanding that he open it. Sirius obeyed and tried to apologize when he opened the door. But his father was so angry he accidentally hit Sirius in the face twice, hard enough to split his lip and give him a shiny black eye. Sirius had screamed and cried and his father had said he was sorry. He said he never wanted to hurt Sirius. He said he would buy Sirius a puppy. Sirius calmed down soon after that proclamation was made. _

_ Knowing he would be getting a puppy, Sirius happily agreed to go to Diagon Alley with his parents the next day. His mother had given him a potion that made the bruises disappear, but it had to be taken every other hour. Sirius had been wandering around on his own for quite a while now and sure enough the effects of the potion wore off. He walked into the ice cream store and an elderly wizard saw a seven-year-old with a face that was black and blue. He gave Sirius some ice cream and asked him to sit down and tell him who had hit him._

_ "My father, but it was an accident." Sirius said, immediately trusting anyone who gave him ice cream, "You won't tell him I told you, will you? Only I'm not supposed to tell anyone when it happens."_

_ The elderly man looked very sad after that. "I'm not going to let anyone else hurt you, okay?"_

_ "Okay." Sirius had agreed easily._

_ Several things happened in quick succession after that. Sirius' father had appeared. He had taken one look at Sirius' face and the shopkeepers' and had carried Sirius out of the shop. Two mean looking men had walked into the shop and surrounded the elderly shop owner. Sirius had screamed at them to leave the man alone. He screamed for his father to do something. He screamed that he wanted his puppy. By now his father had carried him into an alleyway and placed him down on his feet. Sirius tried to run and help the shop owner but his father grabbed him by the scruff of his neck and threw him on the ground. Sirius screamed again. His father slapped a hand over his mouth and yelled, _

_ "SHUT UP! SHUT UP! If you don't stop screaming right now, I swear you won't have a mouth to scream with!"_

_ Sirius stopped trying to scream behind his father's hand, but couldn't stop the tears from rolling down his cheeks._

_ "Stop crying, damn it!" His father snapped at him, looking distressed._

_ Sirius tried to obey but couldn't. His father knelt down to his level and spoke in a deadly whisper, "I told you never to tell, Sirius. Why did you tell? What's wrong with you? If people know, they'll take you away. Do you want to go away forever?"_

_ "No!" Sirius wailed._

_ "Then why did you tell?"_

_ "I didn't mean to!" Sirius cried._

_ "You've been a very bad boy, Sirius. I am disappointed in you."_

_ "Don't send me away! Please, Father, I want to stay with you!"_

_ "I won't send you away this time, Sirius. But I'm going to give you a spanking when we get home."_

_ Sirius couldn't remember the spanking. But he did remember it was the first time he woke up in a hospital._

"I could never tell." Sirius finished his story.

James just stared at him.

"Stop looking at me like that," Sirius said, "It was a long time ago, okay? But I can never tell. And neither can you, James. Not ever."

"Padfoot, did you…? I mean, weren't you ever happy there?"

Sirius racked his brain, "I suppose so, when I was younger. He hit me when I was a little kid, but I reasoned that it was normal. He was always quick to tell me he loved me after he had finished, and it used to be enough for me. I used to think he hung the moon. But the older I got, the more strained our relationship became. He always seemed so perfect to me; he always looked perfect and everything he did was perfect, so I thought of him as a perfect person. Eventually, I started seeing the cracks in his façade; he worked really hard to appear perfect, but I could it on his face that he was unhappy. I think he's unhappy with his life. And himself. And me."

"What do you mean, you could see it on his face?"

"You could too, if you looked hard enough. You can see age on someone's face, can't you? It isn't the only thing that's there. You can also see cruelty. And sin. And deceit. And everything that makes someone a bad person. It can't be hidden. It's written all over their faces." Sirius paused a moment, as if in a daydream and then said, "My father is very vain. He hates seeing his good looks leave him. When you're cruel and handsome, everyone forgives you because you're handsome. But when you're cruel and old and you haven't got your looks anymore, all you're left with is ugly. Mean and ugly, and everyone can see it."

James wasn't sure he understood a word Sirius was saying, but Sirius spoke with an authority that wasn't to be disagreed with. An idea came to him suddenly, "So you think he hates you for being young and good looking?"

"I think he resents me for it. But I think he was mostly upset I wasn't turning out the way he wanted. I became harder for him to control, and he's obsessed with controlling me."

"He can't get to you anymore, Sirius."

"He can. He'll always be able to." Sirius said sadly.


	12. The Promise

__**A little short; for that, I apologize. Also a little morbid (I really need to stop). I love Sirius; why, oh why am I so mean to him?**

_Don't tell, James._

_You can never tell._

_Promise you won't tell._

_Promise, James!_

It was a familiar mantra; something James had heard many times, yet always from the same person. James considered telling. He knew people who'd listen. He wanted everyone to know what the great, powerful, untouchable Orion Black was capable of. But it was Sirius' secret to tell, and James couldn't betray him. Either way, sometimes he felt a lump of guilt in his stomach because he didn't know if he was doing the right thing or not. Often times James wondered just how many people had guessed and decided to turn a blind eye to it. He reckoned there were many. The Blacks were always hosting little dinner parties and there had to be at least a few occasions in which Orion had lost his temper at one of his kids. James also pondered whether Dumbledore or any of the professors knew. He supposed Dumbledore did; Dumbledore seemed to know everything. But the thought of the man knowing and not doing anything about it made James feel slightly sick. Dumbledore wouldn't do that, would he? James recalled several instances in which the headmaster had threatened the Marauders with suspension; the threat rattled Sirius the most of any of them, but he could usually effectively act as nonchalant as he always did.

Obviously Sirius' extended family knew; but they would never interfere. James recalled Sirius telling him his uncle Alphard had intervened for him once and stopped him from getting a beating. Sirius had said even his grandfather had stopped Orion from hitting Sirius after Sirius had accidentally knocked over an expensive glass vase filled with roses.

"_We were happy once." Sirius had said randomly with a distant look in his eyes, "I'm sure of it. When I was little, I couldn't wait for my family to come visit. They brought me gifts from far off places and I loved seeing my cousins. Narcissa and I were so close. We used to go off and play made up games by ourselves. The others never understood them so we never let them join in…not that any of that matters now."_

"_Why not?" James had asked._

_Sirius shrugged, "She chose her way; I chose mine. She stopped speaking to me when I got sorted into Gryffindor. Which is fine by me. But sometimes I just wish…" he trailed off._

"_What?" James urged._

_Distracted, Sirius said nothing for a moment. Then he just looked at his friend and said, "What does it matter? We're all just a few seconds away from being that, aren't we? That '_we were happy once' _where we'll look back on how we used to be and remember those times fondly, knowing they'll never be back."_

_James opened his mouth to disagree but Sirius, anticipating this, just laughed._

"_You think you're above it, do you? Well, it'll happen; it's inevitable. You and I will grow apart and we won't see each other for years. Then one day one of us will be dead, probably me, and you'll come to my funeral out of duty. But then when you see me lying there cold and empty you'll remember what good friends we were. Then you'll say, '_we were happy once, remember?'_ but I'm being lowered into the ground, so I won't be able to respond."_

_James had just stared at him, until he said, "I don't believe THAT for a minute, and what's more, I don't believe you do either. Don't say things like that, Padfoot. It kind of scares me that you think that way, anyway."_

_Sirius smiled, but his eyes held darkness._

Sirius had yet to return to his flat, and James was glad for it. He really wanted Sirius to just abandon the whole flat idea, and just live with him, James. His parents were working tirelessly to convince his friend to move in, but were having trouble convincing him as Sirius stubbornly insisted he didn't want to intrude. No matter how many times the Potters had insisted Sirius never intruded, Sirius refused to believe them.

Either way, James' parents had sort of won because Sirius had relented and decided to stay with them until school started. And even though the Potter mansion was huge, James had insisted Sirius share a room with him. No one had argued, and James was glad for it. He needed to be able to keep an eye on Sirius. He was concerned with Sirius' increasingly strange behavior. Sometimes he caught his friend staring at his face in the mirror fearfully, as though he expected something to happen, or someone else to look back at him. At first, James though Sirius was just being vain, but he soon knew something was different. Sirius didn't grin at his reflection anymore; rather, he seemed a little frightened by it. One incident stuck out in particular; the moment James realized Sirius' behavior was nothing resembling normalcy.

James had walked into his room to see Sirius without a shirt on, sitting with his back to a mirror. Sirius had looked upset enough to cause James to ask him what was wrong. Sirius stared at him strangely and asked:

"What does your back look like?"

"What?"

"Your back. Can I see it?

James felt slightly uncomfortable with the strangely sad tone Sirius had adopted, "Why?"

"I bet it's perfect, isn't it? Everything about you is perfect." Sirius had responded bitterly, "Look at my back!"

James had seen it before and winced as he glanced at the mirror. Sirius' back was riddled with scars; most of them oddly shaped. The newest scars were bright red, others had faded into pink marks. They went from his shoulders to the small of his back. James tried to think of what to say, but Sirius continued to speak in a brittle voice.

"It's hideous! What will become of me, with a back like this? No one will ever love me now! What am I going to do?"

"Padfoot, calm down. The scars will fade eventually."

"Yes," Sirius had agreed, "The scars will fade eventually. Or will they? I think these wounds were very deep. Some wounds run too deep to ever fully be healed, don't they…and I am never going to have a perfect back like you, am I?"

"I don't know." James admitted.

"What will become of me?" Sirius muttered madly, more to himself than to James, "Without my good looks, I'll be reduced to nothing."

"_WHAT_? Sirius, where the hell did you get an idea like that? You're the smartest student in our year! You're an amazing Quidditch player! You're pretty much brilliant at everything you do, and every girl in school would kill to be on your arm! Padfoot, you are so much more than your good looks!"

Sirius had looked at him blankly for only a moment until snapping into one of his signature crooked smiles, "I know all that, Prongs. You forgot to mention my sensitive nature and wonderful art skills as well."

James frowned. Sometimes he felt that Sirius switched moods too quickly. Sirius was a master at hiding his emotions, and even when he let some out, he always followed with a quick recovery. James opened his mouth to address this, but Sirius seemed to have anticipated his intent, and he quickly pulled on his shirt and left the room. James stood there, scratching his head. Should he tell his parents about this strange incident? James was beginning to worry that Sirius needed help James wasn't qualified to provide. His mother had mentioned in passing to Sirius that perhaps he should find a therapist to talk to and Sirius had laughed and said he had no money and nothing to talk about.

The fact remained that deceit came so easily to Sirius that sometimes James wondered whether Sirius was deceiving him as well. He asked Sirius this very question and Sirius responded by looking at him and asking him if he really thought deceit came easily to Sirius.

"It sounds just like _him_." Sirius had complained. James didn't need to ask who "he" was.

"I didn't mean it as an insult," James had responded quickly, "It's just that you lie so well. Whenever we need to get out of trouble, you're the fastest thinker. You always come up with something completely believable, and even when you say something ridiculous, you have a way of making it sound plausible."

Sirius smiled, "Well if it were up to you, we'd get caught every time. Whenever we're in trouble, your face gets all red."

"It does not!" James argued, his face reddening in spite of himself.

"Does too, just look at you," Sirius laughed, "But don't worry. Lying isn't exactly something people should want to be good at. When it's a necessity since childhood, it just comes naturally."

"Have you ever lied to me?" James asked, before he could stop himself.

"No." Sirius lied.


	13. The Reunion

**As promised!**

**R**

When James woke up the next morning, he was in considerably better spirits, and Sirius was as well. Today Remus and Peter were visiting James for the annual Marauders' summer night camp/cookout. At least that's what they called it. It wasn't really camping, just four boys in a tent in the Potters' backyard. Whatever it was, it was a Marauder tradition and had been since first year when they had all met. James and Sirius were playing Quidditch when Remus and Peter arrived and the four had quickly decided that the Potter mansion was too dull a place to reconnect and that they should all go out for lunch. When they had arrived at a small muggle restaurant close to James' house, James quickly told Remus and Peter why Sirius was at his house. Sirius shot daggers at his best friend, but James didn't seem to notice. Peter was the first to react.

"You ran away? Really ran away?"

"Yup." Sirius replied nonchalantly, smiling crookedly as he did.

"I can't believe it. I mean, you always talked about it, but I never thought you actually would run away!"

"Well, I did." Sirius said bluntly, "Can we talk about something else, please?"

"Are you upset?" Remus asked.

"I'm getting there." Sirius said tersely, maintaining his big fake smile.

"Why?"

"I don't know why we have to talk about it," Sirius said, his temper rising, "My family's horrible. I'm well shot of them." Sirius briefly wondered whether he was trying to convince them or himself.

"Only you sound upset," Peter butt in, "Do you think they'd take you back? What about all your money? What about the connections? You really had it made with them, Padfoot. Why leave now? You'll be of age soon enough anyway…"

"It couldn't wait." Sirius replied, his voice getting icier by the minute. James decided this would be a good time to cut in before Sirius lost his temper and started shouting.

"Can we talk about something else, please? I've heard nothing but Sirius, Sirius, Sirius ever since he came, anyway." James smiled at his friend to let him know he was joking but Sirius averted his eyes, his expression chillier by the minute. James bit his lip and ran a hand through his hair.

Peter frowned and opened his mouth to say something else, but Remus cut him off, "I'm sorry to hear about your uncle Alphard, Padfoot."

"How did you know about that?"

"It was in the _Prophet_. Did you see the article? They don't seem to know how he died yet."

Sirius remembered his father's smirk when he had been accused of killing Alphard and felt sick to his stomach. "Oh. Well, I didn't see that in the paper. I haven't been reading it, I suppose. I hate seeing my family in it anyway. Can we _please _talk about something other than me? Are you two having a good summer so far?"

Peter took this opportunity to start speaking again, and he prattled on about his own summer for a while. Sirius was thankful for the distraction and excused himself to the bathroom. The moment he left, the remaining three began speaking in hushed voices. He felt with a rush of anger that he knew exactly who they were talking about.

"Prongs, what the hell happened with Padfoots' parents?" Remus demanded.

"He called me on the mirror one night and begged me to come get him. I had to carry him out onto my broom he was in such bad shape."

"Poor Padfoot." Peter said sadly.

"Is he really not going back?" Remus asked.

"Not if I can help it," James replied grimly, "His father is a total nutter. You should hear the way he talks to Padfoot. He's evil, I swear."

"Did you ever…I mean…see it happen?" Remus asked awkwardly.

"What?" James asked.

"I mean I thought that…well, I assumed that-"Remus looked around and lowered his voice, "His father beats him, doesn't he?"

James bit his lip, and this time he tasted blood. He didn't want to tell Sirius' secret, but he couldn't handle keeping it inside anymore; he didn't know how to help Sirius! And Remus had guessed with ease. Surely telling the Marauders was better than telling James' parents or a professor or something? Right? Sirius wouldn't be too cross. It wasn't James' fault they'd guessed. And unfortunately, as always, his face gave away everything.

"I knew it," Remus breathed, "I knew it. I mean, it was obvious that one time Dumbledore called our parents in, and Sirius' father—"

"Shhh!" James whispered desperately, "We are not talking about this! You guys can never tell anyone Sirius' dad hits him! If he knew you knew…"

"Why should he care if we know?" Peter asked, "We're his friends! Why'd he tell you and not us?"

James felt affronted; he was Sirius' best friend, of course Sirius told him things he wouldn't tell anyone else. Unfortunately, that didn't exactly apply here. James had found out Sirius secret by accident, and witnessed the horror of it soon after. "He didn't tell me," James responded finally, "I saw it happen."

"You saw it? What happened?" Peter asked.

"You guys have to promise you'll never tell anyone what I'm about to tell you. _Especially _Sirius. He would be so upset if you knew."

"We promise." They said in unison.

James took a deep breath, he was sure he was going to regret this, "It was just after first year…"

_James was bored. Three weeks of summer had gone by and he felt as though he had done everything he wanted to do. He missed Hogwarts. He missed his mates. He missed Sirius. Sirius always had something fun to do. He had written Sirius constantly, and although Sirius didn't seem to be enjoying his summer at all, James decided to pay him a visit. He could cheer up Sirius and escape his own boredom. James knew Sirius' address from the letters, and decided to Floo over, without his parents' permission. He appeared in Sirius' bedroom to find a very distressed-looking, lightly bruised Sirius. He went white when he saw James._

_ "Sirius! I came to visit you! What happened to your face?"_

_ "I..uh…walked into a door." Sirius responded distractedly, touching the faded bruise on his cheek, "What are you doing here, James?"_

_ "I missed you! Didn't you miss me?"_

_ Sirius smiled, "Every day. But you really should have warned me. My parents aren't expecting guests."_

_ "I'll go introduce myself."_

_ "No! I mean, they're…busy. Stay in here with me. How's your summer?"_

_ They talked for a while, and Sirius grew increasingly tense. Finally, the sound of someone walking through the front door made all the color drain from his face._

_ "What's wrong, Sirius? Sirius?" James asked._

_ "SIRIUS ORION BLACK!" came an unfamiliar voice from downstairs, "GET YOUR MISERABLE ARSE DOWN HERE THIS INSTANT!"_

_ "What did you do?" whispered James._

_ "I don't know," Sirius whispered back frightfully. "Stay here."_

_ James pressed his ear to the ground, hoping to hear what had happened, but as it turns out, he didn't need to struggle to hear at all. The next words were shouted so loudly, James was sure his own parents would hear them, hundreds of miles away._

_ "WHAT THE HELL IS THIS?" Orion grabbed hold of Sirius once he was in arms reach and shoved a piece of paper in his face._

_ Sirius recognized the Hogwarts seal and immediately knew what the paper was, "Are they my marks, sir?" Sirius managed. Orion had a grip on his hair and was jerking his neck around painfully._

_ "They are," Orion said dangerously, "Read what it says at the bottom."_

_ Sirius squinted and read, "Sirius is the brightest student in his year, and does all his work exceptionally well. It is clear that he is an intelligent and engaging young man who has a bright and successful future ahead of him. However, his behavior keeps him from reaching his full potential. He has spent several evenings in detention due to immature pranks, and gets distracted easily in class. He also enjoys disrupting class, usually along with his classmate, James Potter. Sirius gulped._

_ "Detention? What do you have to say for yourself?" Orion asked through gritted teeth._

_ "I'm sorry, sir," Sirius struggled to keep the fear out of his voice. He knew what has coming, "I promise I'll do better."_

_ "It seems that the professors at Hogwarts are having difficulty with your behavior. Unsurprising, since I tend to have the same problem with you. Lucky that I, unlike them, know what it takes to keep you in line." Orion threw his son from him, and Sirius fell into the kitchen table. He scrambled away from his father, but Orion advanced on him menacingly. "If I EVER hear about you misbehaving in school again, I'll lock you in the cellar for a week!"_

_ "I won't misbehave again, Father, I promise!" Sirius responded with fear._

_ "Go get my belt and wait for me upstairs in your room, Sirius." His father said coldly._

_ "My room? Not…yours?" Sirius questioned._

"_Your mother is resting, little idiot." Orion snarled. "And if you don't move your arse, I'm going to drag you up there."_

_Sirius ran upstairs into his father's room and grabbed the first belt he saw in the closet. He ran into his own room to find James, who looked at him as though he wanted to say something. Sirius went over to the fire place, but he was out of Floo powder. "Damn!" he whispered. There was nothing for it. He could hear his father climbing the stairs. Sirius knew his secret was about to be revealed to James._

_ "What's the belt for?" James asked._

_ Sirius looked at him incredulously, but then considered; of course, James wouldn't know anything about being beaten. Sirius had met James' parents, and they were saints. They would never even consider doing what Sirius' father did to him almost every day._

_ "James, listen to me very closely. Get into my closet, and don't come out until I tell you to, okay? No matter what you see, you _must _stay in there until I come get you. Okay? Promise?"_

_ "Sirius, what's going on?"_

_ "Please, James, promise me you won't come out." Sirius begged._

_ "I promise."_

_ James was safely hidden in the closet, but he could peer through a crack between the door and see into Sirius room. What was Sirius doing? Sirius got down on his knees with his back to the door and pulled off his shirt. Sirius' father walked in. James recognized him as the voice from downstairs when he heard the man say:_

_ "You disappoint me, Sirius."_

_ "I'm sorry, sir." Sirius handed his father the belt._

_ *CRACK*_

_ James slapped a hand over his own mouth to keep from gasping out loud. Sirius' father was hitting him with a belt! He was about to jump out of the closet when he remembered his promise to Sirius to stay put._

_ *CRACK*_

_ *CRACK*_

_ *CRACK*_

_ James counted the blows, praying after each one that Sirius' father would stop. He could hear Sirius sobbing into his hands. Seven. Nineteen. Twenty-eight. Finally, at thirty-two, Sirius' father dropped the belt by his son's feet and walked out of the room, slamming the door behind him. Sirius lifted his face from his hands, and James saw that Sirius had been crying hard enough to make his eyes bloodshot. James put a hand to his face and realized that he had been crying as well. Sirius stumbled over to the door and locked it. Then he pulled the wardrobe open, and James stepped out._

_ "You should go." Sirius whispered._

_ "Sirius…Sirius, your dad—"_

_ "You can never tell anyone what you just saw, James. Promise?"_

_ "No! Sirius, let's tell my parents! They can help you!"_

_ "No one can help me," Sirius had responded bitterly, "believe me, they've tried. Once when I seven…but never mind! James, please, you have to swear this stays between us! I'll explain it to you later, but for now promise me you won't tell! I swear it isn't what it seems! He just loves me very much. Promise, James! Promise you won't tell!"_

_ James felt his eyes fill with tears again. "I promise." he said in barely a whisper._

Remus and Peter were silent when James finished his story. Peter was shaking.

"Poor Sirius," Peter repeated, "I always thought he had the perfect life and—"

"So did I!" Remus interjected, "Sometimes I even resented him for it. Merlin, I've been stupid."

"On paper he does have the perfect life," James said bitterly, "He's rich, handsome, brilliant, talented... He has a picture-perfect life, until you look closer at it. Then you see that everything is distorted. His family raised him to be perfect, and there were consequences for imperfection. He told me when he was taught to play piano if his mother charmed the keys to burn him if he hit the wrong one."

"I always just thought he was good at everything." Peter said quietly.

James gave a humorless laugh, "He is. If you got the shit beaten out of you every time you did something wrong, you'd be good at everything too."

Remus looked at James uncomfortably, "I can't believe you knew that long and didn't do anything. We have to do something."

"What, are you crazy?" James said, alarmed. "How can you say that? What was I supposed to do? Sirius would go nuts if he knew I told even you, his friends! We never speak about it…until recently that is. Lately, he's been more open to talking to me about it, which is good, I suppose. But before that I'd always try to get him to talk about it and he'd always brush me off, like it was no big deal."

"But still—"

"Shh!" James hissed.

Sirius chose this moment to rejoin the others. He flashed a smile toward their waitress, but the three other boys looked at him uncomfortably. They were all imagining growing up with what Sirius had lived with for sixteen years. They exchanged glances and looked at Sirius.

"Were you all just talking about me?" Sirius asked suspiciously.

"Yes," James answered, "I was declaring my undying love for you."

"Wouldn't that be more effective if you did it to my face?"

"I was practicing my speech."

"So, how's it coming?"

"Padfoot, how do I love thee? Let me count the ways. You talk in your sleep and wake me up all hours of the night. You set five alarms to get up, and ignore all of them. You take hours in the bathroom, and I have to wait until mid-afternoon to shower. You've definitely stolen several of my Gryffindor ties…"

"Well, I lost a bunch of mine, and I didn't think you'd notice."

"I knew it! Moony, I told you I wasn't imagining the disappearance of my ties! Give them back, Sirius!"

"Get your own."

"Those are my own!"

"Finders keepers, Prongs."

"Fine," said James with a smirk, "I'm going to go 'find' all your stuff in _my_ room." He got to leave. Sirius jumped up to chase after him.

"Don't you dare, Potter!"


	14. The Fall

**Sorry it's been so long...hope you're still with me! Got more time on my hands, so hopefully the updates will come more regularly :)**

The Marauders always had a great time together, but lately whenever James looked at Sirius he felt guilt churning in his stomach. He shouldn't have told the others Sirius' secret. What was he thinking? What had he done? He should have denied it when Remus guessed. Sirius will be furious when he finds out. _If_. _If_ he finds out. Why was he assuming Sirius would find out? Because Sirius always found everything out. James knew his face always gave away his emotions, but luckily the same couldn't be said for Remus and Peter. James just had to hope they could play it cool around Sirius. Unfortunately, Sirius was not only a good liar; he could also tell when people were lying to him. James experienced this for himself when he and Sirius were preparing for the Marauders' cookout. James had been in his room, looking for his hidden stash of firewhiskey when Sirius had walked in.

"Are Moony and Wormtail acting odd toward you lately?" Sirius had asked. James froze.

"Uhh…no…why?"

"Sometimes I enter a room they're in, and it's like they were just talking about me. Wormtail for one keeps looking at me oddly. When I was playing the piano in the lounge, he looked at me as though I'd really upset him. I don't know what's going on with them."

"Hm. That is odd. Very odd indeed. But I'm sure it's nothing. Have you seen my firewhiskey?"

"Yes," Sirius said, moving closer to James, "See, I'm _not _so sure it's nothing. You've been acting oddly around me too, Prongs. What's going on?"

"You're crazy," James said, inching away from Sirius, "I'm not acting differently at all."

"You're lying!" Sirius accused.

"Am not!"

"Your face is all red!"

"It's hot in here!" James snapped, "Maybe we're all acting normally and you're the odd one. Come on, let's go already." And he grabbed Sirius' arm and pulled him from the room.

Thankfully the Marauders were able to avoid any confrontations on the matter, as James declared that he wanted to play Quidditch, and the Marauders were usually ready and willing to do whatever James felt like doing. James and Sirius refused to be separated, and as a result, slaughtered Remus and Peter. The next game Peter insisted that the only fair way _was _to separate them, and Remus agreed heartily, so the boys reluctantly split. Peter and Sirius took on James and Remus. Since both Sirius and James were extremely competitive, the game heated up quickly. After a particularly spectacular point by James, James decided to do a victory lap around Peter. Peter, finding no amusement in this at all, shoved James. James slipped off his broom and went plummeting toward the ground. Sirius dove after him. Time seemed to slow down as Sirius chased after James. He hand was a few feet from James' robes. Then a few inches. Sirius grabbed a fistful of James' robes, but couldn't adequately recover from his dive, so as he yanked James upward the two crashed into the ground together hard enough to make Sirius see stars. He sat up quickly, and shook James off him. James got up easily with a small moan.

"What the fuck, Wormtail?" James yelled.

"I didn't mean for you to fall! You had it coming anyway, flying around me like that!"

"You pushed me off my goddamn broom!" James shouted.

"James, you're fine. Peter, you really ought to apologize. Sirius, are you alright?" Remus interrupted.

"I am not fine!" James complained indignantly.

"I'm fine, and you fell on top of me, so I reckon you're fine as well." Sirius made to get up and let out a yell of pain. He fell sideways and crashed into James, who promptly fell over. James struggled to get up and pull Sirius up with him.

"I think I should sit down a while," Sirius panted, "I think I may have hurt my leg again."

James glared at Peter but said nothing, something which Sirius was thankful for. He wasn't much in the mood for one of Peter's tantrums, or for James' shouting, or for Remus' failed attempts at compromise. He just wanted to rest.

When they got back inside, James called his mother to look at Sirius' leg. She confirmed that he had hurt himself, but that his leg was healing nicely anyway and he should be completely recovered in about a week. Sirius grinned triumphantly. He had been worried the attack from Orion had hindered his legs' healing, but apparently the charm was wearing off and he was going to be right as rain. As Sirius hobbled away, Mrs. Potter grabbed her sons hand and held him back.

"What?" James asked distractedly, his eyes on Sirius.

"Have you spoken to Sirius about what I suggested earlier?" she asked. James looked at her blankly. She sighed, "I think Sirius should see a therapist."

James laughed, "I'll never be able to convince him of that."

"Would you at least try?"

"Mum, he's _fine_."

Mrs. Potter threw her hands up in defeat. "Never mind, I'll just ask your father."

"No, don't…" James began, but she had already left. James ran his fingers through his hair. This situation was getting dangerously out of hand. Although he was concerned about Sirius' odd behavior, he didn't want his father talking to Sirius about therapy. Sirius would assume James' dad knew about the abuse, and then he would snap at James who would then be _forced _to admit he _had _told Remus and Peter! It was all getting quite out of control. Once or twice James considered just coming clean to Sirius, but he didn't want Sirius to run off on his own or worse, back to his family. James had decided that if he was going to turn himself in, he'd have to wait until they were safely back at Hogwarts.

Sirius was sitting alone in James' room. He had locked the door to ensure that James and the others couldn't walk in on him. He was feeling rather forlorn. Despite everything, Sirius missed having a family. He knew they were heartless and cruel. He knew he was well shot of them. He knew he was in a much better place with the Potters. He knew James was more of a brother to him than Regulus ever was. But when he thought of family at all, it felt like he had a lump in his throat. He would never have what James had, or Remus or Peter. He thought of his father, and all that had transpired between them. He thought of how he had idolized his father as a child, growing older and learning that the man was much less than perfect, but still loving him anyway, despite the beatings.

They had been at each other's throats since the day Sirius got sorted into Gryffindor. Orion had seemed to take this as a personal insult and when Sirius had come home for Christmas, he had wasted no time in berating his son. Sirius, who was rebellious far before he'd gotten into Gryffindor, had responded by wearing as much red and gold around the house as he could. When he had tried to wear his Hogwarts robes to the Black's family Christmas dinner, his father had dragged him upstairs and locked him in his room for the rest of the day. He then proceeded to throw away all of Sirius' Christmas gifts after the family had left. Sirius remembered that day vividly; he had spent the rest of the break crying. It seemed silly to him now; they were only worthless books and toys and maybe some clothes. Had Sirius' father used the same tactic more recently, he surely wouldn't have elicited the same response from his son. However, the eleven-year-old Sirius had been devastated. He remembered how he had promised to Orion the day he returned to Hogwarts that he would never do anything to disappoint him again. Orion had hugged him and sent him off, but Sirius had known, even at that age, that things had changed between them and would never be the same.

It wasn't as though Orion had only started beating him when he was sorted into Gryffindor. It had been a routine method of discipline as far back as Sirius could remember. Blacks were old fashioned like that; it was the way they trained their children to be perfect. Unfortunately for Sirius, the beatings did get worse once he was sorted into Gryffindor. Sirius knew why; Orion had to continually demonstrate his power over Sirius to keep him under control. It worked, to a point. When Sirius had had it particularly bad, he usually was quiet and docile for a while afterward; the memory of real pain so fresh in his mind. However, the longer he went without a beating, the more Sirius began acting like himself again. He'd make rude comments, or row with his father and then he's get smacked again and the cycle started over. It was the most gruesome when Sirius had been at school for a while where he's gotten used to doing and saying whatever he wished, almost always with little consequence. He'd come home and forget himself, and he'd get hurt for it.

In spite of himself he thought of Orion's words to him._ I love you more than anything in this world. _To his horror Sirius felt hot tears in his eyes. Orion still loved him? If that was true, all love left him with was bruises and scars that would never fully heal. If that was the love Orion offered, wasn't it better he have none? Or is any love better than no love? He felt so alone. His parents. His brother. His uncle Alphard. Nothing would ever be the same. He was sixteen and he was alone. Nobody loved him. How could that have happened? Was he really so horrible? Sirius heard James' voice at the door and ignored him. He didn't want to see James. He didn't want to see anybody. He had to face the prospect of being alone sooner or later. Sirius climbed into his bed without undressing and pulled the covers over his head, even though it was barely after four. Maybe when he woke up things would look better. Or better yet, maybe he'd never wake up at all.


	15. The Truth

James was banging. Sirius considered getting up and strangling his friend but decided to just feign sleep. He had woken up in the middle of the night expecting James to be in the room, but James hadn't been there. _He's probably with the others_ Sirius had thought bitterly. It was an odd feeling. Sirius had wanted to be alone, he had locked the door himself, but at the same time he wanted James around too. Whenever Sirius experienced this feeling, he felt like an idiot but couldn't will it away. He supposed he was just being selfish.

Sirius didn't know what time it was, but he reckoned it had to be pretty late for James to be banging. James was shouting now.

"PADFOOT. Get your lazy arse out here _now_. Can I _please_ get into my own room? I'm going to explode the door if you don't let me in! Stop pretending you're asleep; I know you can hear me! Get up and stop sulking, _honestly_!"

Sirius resented James for accusing him of sulking, even though he knew it was exactly what he was doing. It sometimes annoyed Sirius that James knew him so well. He decided to get up because he knew James would just keep yelling if he didn't. He got up, unlocked the door, then turned right around without looking at James and crawled back into his bed. James didn't give up that easily, however. He sat on Sirius' bed and started prodding his friend in the back. Sirius turned to look at him.

"Go away." Sirius said coldly.

"Get up," James commanded, unfazed by Sirius' tone, "Tell me what's wrong."

"Nothing is wrong, I just want to go back to sleep."

"Okay. It's almost noon. You locked me out to 'sleep' at four yesterday. I'd say you've gotten enough sleep."

Sirius said nothing. James sighed and got up. Sirius smiled to himself triumphantly, expecting his friend to leave. Instead, James yanked the blankets off Sirius' bed and let them fall to the floor. Sirius sat up and glared at him.

"What's going on, Padfoot? Why have you been sulking in here for so long?"

"Get stuffed, Potter."

James rolled his eyes. "Can't you just tell me what's bothering you already? Because Moony and Wormtail are going home tomorrow, and since we won't see them again until the start of term, it'd be nice if we could all hang out together."

Sirius felt his temper boiling close to the surface and tried to keep the venom out of his voice when he said, "Sorry I ruined your sleepover, James, but not all of us can dance when you say dance."

James recognized the use of his first name as a bad sign, but was fed up with Sirius' attitude. "I'm not asking you to _dance_, Sirius, I'm asking you to act your age and talk to me instead of locking yourself in my room for days on end."

"Maybe I don't want to talk to you!"

"Then talk to someone!" James retorted, throwing up his arms in exasperation, "Maybe my mother was right, maybe you do need therapy…"

Sirius exploded. He leapt to his feet and screamed, "I DO NOT NEED THERAPY! If anyone needs therapy, it's you! You could go and explain all of your problems…oh wait, that's right, YOU DON'T HAVE ANY! You're _perfect_ James Potter with your _perfect_ family and your _perfect _house and your _perfect _parents who worship the _perfect _ground you walk on. So I'm very sorry for you, James, I'm so sorry I'm only thing in your life that isn't bloody fucking _perfect_!"

Sirius made to storm out of the room but James jumped up and beat him to the door, slamming it so Sirius couldn't leave. Sirius let out an angry noise of frustration, almost like a dog growling, but James stood in front of the door with his arms crossed.

"What do you want from me, Sirius? Do you want me to apologize for having a good life? Is that what you want?"

"I want you to get out of my goddamn way, before I curse you."

"No."

They stood glaring at each other for a while, but Sirius had run out of steam. He went and sat down next to his bed, his back to James.

"Fuck you, James. Can't you just fuck off and leave me alone?"

"No, I can't just leave you alone. I'm worried about you."

"You sound like a girl."

"Come on, Sirius."

"No."

They sat in silence for a little while. Sirius could feel James' eyes on him. Finally, he gave in.

"You just don't know what I'm feeling right now. You just can't understand."

"What can't I understand?" James asked.

"You don't know what it's like!"

"What what's like?"

"You just…I can't…" Sirius' voice broke and he felt the tears come again when he finally said what was on his mind, "Nobody loves me!"

"_What_?" James walked over and knelt in front of Sirius, "How can you say that?"

"Because it's true! Look what it did for me! Beat me up…told me I wasn't good enough…I was _never _good enough…made me feel worthless!"

"That…that wasn't love, Sirius." James said. His felt his heart breaking just looking at Sirius like this. "And people do love you."

"Please…don't lie to me!" Sirius cried, "I hate this! I'm so alone, and I'm only sixteen! I don't have anybody!"

"Look at me," James commanded, "My parents love you. Your friends love you. I love you. Sirius, you're so important. You're my best mate. You're like the brother I never had. I can't even imagine my life without you. You aren't alone. You have me. I'll always be there for you." James was surprised how steady his voice was considering his heart was full of emotion. "You're so important."

Sirius said nothing, but cried harder. James just pulled his friend toward him and wrapped his arms around Sirius. Sirius just cried and held onto James, and for a while, they just sat there.


	16. The Deal

Sirius was broke. It felt odd, considering he had just inherited enough money to make him one of the richest wizards in London under seventeen, but he was broke. He had gone to Gringotts to try an access his late uncle Alphard's vault and was turned away. The goblin had told him in a condescending sort of way that the vault would be locked until he turned seventeen. Sirius had left dejectedly. He didn't want to ask James' parents for money; he owed them too much already. He knew who would give it to him if he asked. The Blacks were so obsessed with appearance that if the choice was between their least favorite son wearing second hand robes and their least favorite son still appearing to be perfect, he knew which one they'd pick. The very thought of asking the Blacks for anything made Sirius feel nauseous; he had, in fact, given them a less than kind farewell when he had left Alphard's funeral. Nevertheless, Orion had sounded relatively receptive when Sirius had sent him a letter asking if they could meet. Sirius was sure Orion had anticipated this problem, because there was practically no venom in the letter he had received from his father. Orion seemed to anticipate everything. He had commanded that Sirius meet him at a restaurant for lunch to talk.

Sirius walked into the restaurant to find Orion already sitting at a table with a drink in his hand. Sirius held back a smile. If Orion was drunk, it'd be much easier to squeeze a few galleons out of him. He beckoned Sirius over and Sirius sat across from his father. Orion smiled at him in that horrible way of his.

"Well that didn't take long, did it? Realized you need me, have you?"

"Just your money."

"Is that any way to _speak_ to someone you need something from?"

Sirius bit his lip and mumbled, "I'm sorry," under his breath, his face red, "it's been a long week."

Orion surveyed his son before speaking again, "I can only imagine. Running away from home, losing all your money, breaking into my vault, buying yourself a bunch of new things with my money, your uncle's funeral, becoming rich, meeting up with all your friends, becoming poor again and here you are."

"Are you _following_ me?" Sirius asked furiously. Trust Orion to do something like that. And all of those things had been much longer than just a week.

"Do I have time for that, little idiot?" Orion rolled his eyes. Sirius felt his temper rising. He hated being called that; it was like the opposite of a pet name. He hated being reminded that he was smaller than his father and he especially hated being called stupid. "It'd be boring anyway; you're terrible predictable. I just have people keeping an eye on you, like always."

"Like always?"

"Yes, fool, I already told you this. Don't you remember our little meeting in the vault? Where you pitched a fit and terrorized my portrait?"

Sirius chose _not_ to address the fact that he had not "pitched a fit" since he was five years old and said, "Let me ask _you_ something, Father. Do you have people following Regulus?"

Orion said nothing.

"I knew it," Sirius practically cried, "why do you hate me so much more than him?"

"This again?" Orion heaved a deep breath, "Come on, Sirius…"

"No, you come on! You always—"

"I don't know how many times I have to tell you I don't favor either of you over the other. If you used your brain for even a minute, you'd realize that Regulus lives in my house and therefore I can always see what he's up to."

"Not at school." Sirius cut in swiftly.

"You're untrustworthy, reckless and generally a pain in my backside. Is that what you're waiting to hear? There it is. Regulus has his own faults but at least I know he won't risk expulsion for something as idiotic as a prank."

Sirius had nothing to say to this, and just slouched down in his seat, grumbling until Orion spoke again.

"Sit up straight. Pretend for a moment you actually have some class."

Sirius opened his mouth to retort, but Orion raised a hand and he decided not to push his luck.

"There's no need to beat around the bush, is there? We both know you only want to see me because you realized Alphard's trust for you won't kick in for another good year. Funny how these things work out, isn't it?"

"Hilarious," Sirius snapped before realizing his mistake.

"If one more smart-ass comment comes out of your mouth…"

"I'm sorry!" Sirius said hurriedly.

"Don't interrupt me!" Orion snarled, "Good God, how long have you been gone now? I suppose you're totally incapable of behaving yourself without the threat of a good smacking looming over your head, eh? Say what you will about my methods, but at least they were effective. At least when you were at home you had the good sense to hold your tongue, lest you say something stupid as you often do. You're living proof that a good beating is really all it takes to keep children like you in line."

Sirius' face was getting redder and redder, but he knew he couldn't say anything against his father if he wanted the money. Orion seemed to know this, and just watched him, looking amused. They stared at each other a while before Sirius finally spoke.

"So are you going to lend me the money or not?" Sirius asked. He quickly amended, "Sir?"

"I don't know, you haven't really asked me for it."

"I'm not going to beg." Sirius snarled.

"I'm asking you to _beg_, for Merlin's sake, I'm tellingyou to ask."

Orion was clearly loving making his son squirm and as much as he didn't want to, Sirius gave in. "Will you _please _lend me some money for school, Father?"

Orion grinned at him, "Yes."

Sirius breathed a sigh of relief, "Thank you."

"You're my son. I'll take care of you, as I always have and always will. You _do _believe that I'll take care of you, don't you, Sirius?"

Sirius said nothing.

"That's my job, isn't it?"

Sirius eyed him warily, unsure of what he was implying.

"Assuming you'd like to reclaim your title as my son. Would you like to reclaim that title, Sirius?"

Sirius still wasn't following. Until he remembered the note he wrote. _I'm not your son. Not anymore. _"I…" he started, unsure of what to say.

"Two conditions." Orion interrupted; he hadn't really been waiting for an answer.

"I'd pay you back, with interest. Once I turn seventeen I can—"

"I don't want your money."

Sirius looked at him. Of course there were strings attached. He had a feeling something horrible was about to happen.

"Two conditions. One, the money doesn't go toward _anything_ except what you need for school. Don't you dare spend it on anything but books, nice robes…stuff like that."

"Okay." Sirius interrupted quickly.

"And at school, you'd better just behave yourself and do your work. I mean it, boy. No more messing about or picking fights. I don't want to have to come up there and kick your arse myself. If I have to come up there, you will be very sorry indeed."

Sirius just nodded. He had no intention of keeping that end of the bargain, but the Marauders were experts at avoiding detection when it came to pranks.

"And two, you have to come home for Christmas."

"What? No!" Sirius complained, "Why? I moved out for good. Aren't we all happier when I'm away, anyway?"

"No," Orion snapped, "You most certainly have not moved out for good. I have allowed you to stay with Potter because having you around the house was driving me mad. That doesn't mean you can just leave forever. You're sixteen and like it or not, I still own you. So, you're coming home for Christmas. And you won't whine or complain about it anymore. No arguments. Do we have a deal?"

Sirius said nothing. He stood slowly and turned to walk out.

"Turn around and sit back down, Sirius. You've got no one else to ask for money. We both know that if you did, you wouldn't be here."

Sirius sighed, defeated, and sat down, "Deal." He felt as though he had just made a deal with the devil, one he was sure he wouldn't be able to repay. Orion offered his hand and Sirius shook it, feeling dread wash over him as he thought of the consequences that were sure to follow if he broke his promise.

Orion looked at him and smirked, "Good to see you can walk again."

_No thanks to you, _Sirius wanted to say, but he just mirrored his father's sinister smile and said nothing other than, "Well, I don't need to crutches anymore. And this cast can come off in a few weeks. It would have healed faster, but I…erm…fell off my broom."

"Maybe you should be more careful."

"It wasn't really my fault. Pro—er—James got shoved off by Peter and I had to dive after him."

Orion raised one eyebrow, "Why didn't you just use magic?"

Sirius looked at him stupidly. Now that he thought about it that did seem like the obvious answer.

Orion laughed at his son's expression, "You never really think, do you? You've always been that way; Regulus got the brains and you got the looks."

Sirius said nothing, feeling more and more like an idiot in each passing moment.

"I got your marks. They were very good." Orion took a bite out of the sandwich a waitress had brought him, and again Sirius was surprised by how human his father could appear. Also, had his father actually complimented him? What was going on? There was something inherently wrong with Orion calling him brainless then complimenting him on how _non-_brainless he could be. Sirius wanted to make him eat his own words. He grinned in spite of himself and couldn't resist pushing a little further.

"I'm the top of my class. It hasn't been a Gryffindor in—"

"Fifty years, I know," Orion said, watching him with an almost proud expression, "Good boy."

"My marks are the best. I'm the best of everyone." Sirius continued, wondering when he was going to be shouted at.

"As you're expected to be."

"Better than all your precious Slytherins, too. Better than Malfoy and Lestrange and Bella and even better than Regulus."

"Not at behaving yourself," Orion said blandly, "That's something you haven't mastered."

"Just because I don't do it doesn't mean I haven't mastered it." Sirius countered.

"Either way, you'd better do it this year." Orion warned darkly. Sirius wanted to roll his eyes but didn't want to get walloped. They sat in silence for a minute.

"It'll be nice having you around again." Orion said, smiling crookedly. He moved to touch Sirius, but Sirius jerked out of his reach, more out of habit than anything.

"What do you really want from me?"

"Must I always have an ulterior motive? Is it so unbelievable that I might just want to have you around?" Orion looked more tired, and incidentally more human, than Sirius had ever seen him before.

"Yes. To both"

"You are my son, you know."

"As if that ever made a difference."

Orion snorted, "Believe what you want to believe, Sirius. You always have."

He stood, and Sirius did as well. Orion walked over to him and Sirius braced himself for whatever was coming. But Orion just cupped the back of Sirius' head with his hand, and before he could twist away, Orion had kissed his forehead. Sirius closed his eyes slightly, unaccustomed to this kind of touch, and unknowingly stepped a little closer. Orion enveloped him in a hug and rested his chin on Sirius' head. For a moment, Sirius didn't think about how out of character Orion's behavior was, or wonder if Orion was manipulating him; he just rested against his father's chest and soaked up the rare affection. Orion heaved a sigh and briefly ran his fingers through his son's hair before letting him go and turning to leave.

As the man walked out, he turned around for a moment and called, "Cut your hair before you come home. Your mother will have a fit if she sees you looking like some disheveled mudblood."

Sirius rolled his eyes and scowled. There was the Orion Black he knew.


	17. The Meeting

"You can't!" James cried. He was never one for beating around the bush. "You're doing exactly what he wants you to do!"

"I know."

"Then why are you doing this?"

"My hands are tied."

"But they _aren't_," James said, exasperated, "Money isn't _exactly_ in short supply around here."

"I'm going," Sirius interrupted, "I want them all to see that they never got the best of me. I won. I'm not scared and I'm not ashamed of who I am. And I want them all to see it. Especially my father."

"Come off it, Padfoot, that's just pride speaking. Is there something else going on here I don't know about?"

"No. Don't be ridiculous." Sirius lied smoothly.

"Then just let my parents give you the money. Or at least _lend_ it to you."

"I don't want them to feel responsible for me."

"_They _aren't; _I _am," James mumbled so that he thought Sirius couldn't hear, but Sirius frowned and replied testily.

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"Stop looking at me like it's a bad thing. Look, you walked out on your family right? You moved in with me. Now that you don't have a father or a mother or a brother—"

"Thanks for reminding me, I almost forgot." Sirius snarled.

"Okay, that came out wrong. What I'm trying to say is…you still need _someone _to look after you. Someone who'll have your back. Someone you can turn to no matter what happens in your life. Someone…someone like me!"

"I don't need anyone to do anything like that." Sirius said stubbornly.

"Everybody does, Sirius. Everybody needs somebody to care about them."

Sirius felt the corners of his mouth twitching, "You think you're qualified for that position?"

"Who could be better qualified than me? I _am _your best friend. I've got this covered. You can count on me."

"Are you propositioning to me or something? 'Cause you know I don't swing that way…"

"PADFOOT. Be serious for once!" James snapped, quickly realizing his mistake, "Don't say it—"

"I'm always Sirius," Sirius cut across him, grinning madly, "You should know that, Mr. Best Friend."

"Oh, never _mind_!" James said exasperatedly, throwing his arms in the air in defeat and turning to leave.

"Prongs," Sirius called him back quietly, "thank you. You have always been there for me."

James smiled and went in for the kill, "So about Christmas—"

"NO, Prongs, I've made my decision on this. So I'll have to endure my family over Christmas. I can handle it. It isn't going to change anything."

"But, Padfoot, the last time you were inside that house, you barely came out in one piece!"

"James," Sirius responded, causing James to pause, "I trust you above anyone."

James' stomach turned guiltily, but Sirius went on, "You have to trust me on this one. I can handle my father and the rest of the Blacks. Okay? It's just for a week. Then I'll walk out forever."

"You always come here for Christmas," James pouted as a last resort, "I think it's a bad idea."

"So do I. But…I don't know. It was weird, Prongs."

"How do you mean?"

"For moment, it felt as though…I don't know. Like we were really father and son. And he said he missed me and for a moment I think I missed him too."

James just looked at him and said, "Okay…I know you don't want to hear this Padfoot, but have you considered that maybe he anticipated that?"

"Yeah, I have. It's not like we didn't almost row, too. It was nothing, just a weird moment. But anyway, I can only use the money for school supplies and the like. And if we get caught at school pranking and they tell our parents like they did last year, he'll probably lock me in the cellar for the rest of my life."

"That's not funny, Padfoot"

"I'm not joking."

The summer was winding down uneventfully after Sirius' meeting with Orion until the Potters received so disturbing news. James only close relatives, his aunt, uncle and cousin has been murdered by Voldemort's supporters. Their house had also been burned to the ground. James and his parents were the only Potters left. Under the guise of wanting to leave the Potters alone to mourn, Sirius slipped out of the house in his darkest wizarding apparel. The attack reminded Sirius of his father's implied threat at the funeral. He was determined to figure out if his family was behind the deaths of the Potters. He snuck into Knockturn Alley, hoping to find Lucius or Rodolphus or someone else he could coerce until telling him what had happened. Even though both the boys were older and bigger than Sirius, Sirius guessed that if he got the jump on one of them, they might tell him.

Knockturn Alley frightened Sirius more than he ever let on. He was always worried about running into dangerous people, especially those in his own family. Suddenly, Narcissa and Bellatrix appeared exiting a shop that sold exclusively extremely powerful potions. When Bella was distracted, Sirius snuck up behind Narcissa and tapped her shoulder.

"Sirius! You scared the life out of me!"

"Shhh!" Sirius hissed urgently, glancing toward Bella, "I have to talk to you."

"Sirius, I don't want to cause any trouble…"

"Come on, Cissy, just for a minute."

"Oh…well…alright!" She grabbed his hand and led him into a dark alleyway, "What are you doing here? If your father knew you were…"

"My father doesn't need to know anything about me, Narcissa," Sirius said firmly, "Ever."

"What do you want, Sirius?" Narcissa asked coldly, "I know you don't just want to talk to me, after your little performance at uncle Alphard's funeral."

Sirius felt a little guilty. After all, there was nothing really wrong with Narcissa; they had been close once. But she had chosen her side and he had chosen his and there was no going back.

"That wasn't…er…_directed _toward you. You must know that. Did my father send someone to kill the Potters?"

"What? Don't be ridiculous!"

"I'm not. He threatened me with hurting them if I didn't come home."

"Your father threatens everyone. That's what Blacks do. You know that. He had nothing to do with it. But I won't say it wasn't someone in our family. There are many Blacks that hate the Potters…they're blood traitors after all."

"Yes, of course." Sirius said bitterly.

"Sirius, I…" Narcissa appeared to be struggling for words. "I want you to be alright…"

Sirius eyed her suspiciously, "What does that mean?"

She burst into tears and threw her arms around him. Sirius, completely unsure how to respond to this, just held her awkwardly.

"I'm worried about you! You have to go home! It's the only way you'll be safe!"

"I can't, Cissy. I just can't."

She squinted at him through tear-filled eyes, "Please, Sirius, please go home. I miss you. I want things to be the way they used to be between us."

"Just because I don't live there doesn't mean…"

"I can't be seen speaking to you! I have to go—they'll have noticed my absence by now. You should get out of here; you might be seen by the wrong people." She hurried off without another word of explanation.

Sirius was left staring after her, wondering what in the world she was talking about. He was just about to go back toward Diagon Alley when a pair of strong hands pushed him to the ground. He fell face first in the mud and heard several laughing voices behind him. Wiping the mud from his eyes, Lucius Malfoy and Roldolphus and Rabastan Lestrange came into view.

"Well, well, if it isn't the little wayward Black!" Lucius sang. The Lestranges laughed and Sirius rolled his eyes. That wasn't even clever.

"Good one, Malfoy," Sirius responded coolly, getting up and brushing himself off, "What's next, a _serious/Sirius _pun? I thought Slytherins were supposed to be clever?"

Sirius and Lucius had been at each other's throats since they'd met many years ago. Orion and Abraxas Malfoy were close friends and the Malfoys were always over at the Blacks' for dinner or vice versa. Lucius was several years older than Sirius and had always delighted in bossing him around. Sirius, who was rebellious by nature, had always fought back but usually to no avail because Lucius had always been bigger and stronger. To Sirius' dismay, the same still held true. Lucius was at least a head taller than Sirius and his backup gang put Sirius in a difficult position indeed.

"Coming from a Gryffindor?" Rodolphus said smugly.

"I've number one in my class…what are you again, Lestrange? Five hundred out of four hundred ninty-nine?"

Rabastan had repositioned himself behind Sirius and had now grabbed a fist full of the boy's hair and put a wand to his throat. "If you're so smart why are you mouthing off when you're badly outnumbered, Gryffindor? I think we should little Sirius here a lesson, don't you, Lucius?"

"Right you are, Lestrange," Lucius replied, an evil grin on his face, "Hold the blood traitor's arms, boys."

The Lestranges grabbed Sirius' arms, and though he struggled mightily, he could not get free. Malfoy walked up to his and backhanded him across the face.

"Bet Daddy will be pretty grateful if we manage to return his runaway son." Rodolphus whispered in his ear.

"Let me go!" Sirius growled, still struggling. "Let me go, or I'll—"

"What are you going to do, Black?" Rabastan sneered.

"Teach him some manners, Lucius!" Rodolphus jeered.

"Maybe I should hit him with my belt, like his daddy does." Malfoy began to undo his belt when it happened. An odd red wave seemed to radiate off Sirius and when it hit his enemies they all fell limp. He must have done some accidental magic. Sirius considered what he wanted to them now that they were incapacitated. He stared down at Malfoy, someone who had made Sirius' life hell for as long as he could remember. Lucius was several years older than Sirius, something he had taken full advantage of for Sirius' entire life. When Sirius was younger, he had tried his best to impress Lucius, wanting to please his own father.

_Sirius was six years old. Malfoy had just turned nine. Sirius and Narcissa were playing in the garden, when Lucius, Bellatrix and Rodolphus approached them._

"_Hey Sirius!" Lucius called, "Have you heard the legend of the Black treasure?"_

"_Treasure?" Sirius asked, his eyes wide with wonder, "We have a treasure?"_

"_Of course you do," Lucius smirked, ruffling the younger boy's hair, "No Black has ever been brave enough to get it."_

"_I'm brave enough! Where is it?" Sirius demanded._

"_At the bottom of the lake," Lucius replied, pointing to the small body of water behind him (not really a lake, but that's what Lucius called it)._

_Of course Sirius dove in. Unfortunately, he couldn't swim. When he didn't resurface after a minute, Narcissa ran to get Orion. Orion dove in after the boy, still wearing all of his finest robes, and rescued him. Lucius was beaten severly by his father for his actions, and Orion forbid Sirius from going near large bodies of water._

Sirius fled the scene, hoping the Slytherins and the memories wouldn't chase him.


	18. The Snake

Sirius had reported his findings (or lack thereof) to James who had seemed rather uninterested by the whole thing. Sirius didn't really blame him; James was probably just too upset about his family's deaths to be bothered to take revenge against anyone, even if it was the Blacks. Mr. Potter, on the other hand, was quite of the other mindset. He had been moody and despondent all evening, and when Mrs. Potter finally asked him what was wrong; it had been Orion who was the cause of his temper.

"You should have seen Black today," Mr. Potter had snarled, "Strutting around the Ministry like he owns the place."

_He practically does_, Sirius thought silently.

"Charles…" Mrs. Potter began, with a pointed look at Sirius.

"He's such a snake," Mr. Potter continued to rail, "The whole lot of them…"

"Charles!" Mrs. Potter snapped, and at the same times James said, "Dad!" loudly.

"It's _fine_." Sirius said with a deep breath, "I know they're all horrible, I'm not insulted or anything."

"Did he say anything to you, Dad?" James asked, "Did he say anything about Sirius?"

"I was standing in the elevator with him and he just looked at me and smiled in this horrible way and asked, 'how's the family?'" Mr. Potter said through gritted teeth, "Then he held up a copy of the _Prophet_…"

Mrs. Potter burst into tears and left the room.

"What..?" James looked confused.

"Today the _Prophet_ headline is about your family's murder," Sirius supplied quietly, "That's pretty twisted, even for him."

"I could have strangled him. Then he had the nerve to say, 'so sorry to hear about that.' I just glared at him, but something was odd in the way he was looking at me. He said, 'On the bright side, I heard you recently added a new member. How's _my _son?' I said, 'He seems better than I've ever seen him before.' That made him angry. He gave me a look like he wanted to say something back, but didn't."

"I hate not knowing what he's up to," Sirius grumbled, "At least when I was at home, I was close enough to know what he was doing."

"Either way, soon you'll be at school and you won't have to have anything to do with him them." Mr. Potter said tiredly before getting up and stretching, "And I thank Merlin for that."

"Mr. Potter?" Sirius began tentatively.

"Hm?"

"Did you know my father before you met me?"

"Yes, I did. We were in Hogwarts together, briefly. When I was Head Boy, he was…well, he was…" Mr. Potter looked as though he was struggling for the right word, "We…didn't get along, to say the least. Actually, his older brother Alphard was one of my closest friends."

Sirius' jaw dropped. This was news to him. Apparently, it was to James too, because he cut in, "What? You never told me that! Why didn't you go to his funeral?"

Mr. Potter let out a hollow laugh, "Well, Orion made it clear that I was not to make an appearance."

"Why?" Sirius frowned, "Why should he care? It's a funeral, for Merlin's sake."

"Well," Mr. Potter sighed, "even though Alphard and I were close…Orion rather…detested me."

"How could he hate you?" James asked incredulously. "I've never met _anyone _who hates you."

"Listen, I wasn't a perfect kid. Neither was he. While Orion was at Hogwarts, he was…a bit of a wild child. Not unlike you two. Alphard and I spent half our lives chasing him down, which he resented. And…I was…particularly harsh when I caught him breaking the rules."

"Why?" Sirius asked.

"Lots of reasons. We never got along. He acted like he was above the rules, and it got on my nerves. His brother enlisted in my help to control him. I didn't do a very good job. It's difficult to explain and it was a long time ago. I'm going up to bed now…see you boys in the morning."

_Charles Potter was completing his rounds as Head Boy and all was calm. He was tired and glad for the peace. These thoughts were short lived, and a sudden BANG broke the silence. Charles let out a sigh and rounded the corner to see a gang of Slytherin boys laughing to themselves. The ringleader was the young, devilishly handsome Orion Black. Orion's smirk slid off his face when Charles came into view. He stood up and brushed off his robes, as if readying for a fight._

_ "It's past hours, Black," Charles began, "You and your…friends should be in your common room."_

_ "Lighten up, Chuckie," Orion replied, "We weren't doing anything illegal."_

_ Charles frowned; of course Orion wouldn't make this easy. "Sure, you weren't. So, that _isn't _a pack of cigarettes and a flask behind your back, then?"_

_ Orion scowled, "Big deal. Smoke and drink never hurt anyone."_

_ "I think you of all people should know that they _have _hurt people."_

_ Orion's face got hard and he rubbed the back of his head, remembering how drunk his father was when he threw him into the kitchen counter._

_ "Don't." was all he said._

_ "Then get to bed," Charles waved them off, "Or I'll write your father and tell him what you've been doing."_

_ "Threatening to tell my parents? Really, Potter? Why don't _I _tell _your _parents what you've been up to. I'm sure your dear mother would not approve of the company you've been keeping lately…" Orion trailed off with a smirk._

"_I'm sure I don't know what you're talking about." Charles said, trying his best to keep him composure. What did Orion know?_

"_I saw you…with that muggle!" Orion practically sang. "Wait until I tell your mum you're fucking a muggle!"_

_Charles said nothing._

"_I won't tell yours if you won't tell mine." Orion smiled in a sinister way._

_Suddenly, Alphard strolled casually into the corridor. Charles grinned at the sight of his reinforcements._

"_Hey, Al. Your little brother is breaking about a million school rules right now. He's also threatening to start a scandal about me if I give him detention. He's telling his friends lies about me."_

"_Orion," Alphard turned to his little brother, "What's the matter with you? What if someone else caught you out here at night? You're lucky it was Charles…anyone else would have told Father!"_

"_But…but…" Orion stuttered._

"_All of you, go," Alphard told the other Slytherins authoritatively, "I'm taking my little brother back alone." He gave Orion a stern look, "Drinking and smoking, Ry? And threatening to spread lies about Charles, who's just trying to help you?"_

"_I wasn't going to lie! It's true! I saw him and the muggle girl together. He isn't trying to help me! He always tells on me and gets me in trouble with Father!"_

"_Honestly, I don't know what muggle he's talking about, Al."_

"_I know. He was lying because he was embarrassed."_

_Orion hated being talked about like he was a child, or as though he wasn't there. "I was not lying! You can't believe him over me! I'm your brother!"_

"_You're my lying, sneaky, manipulative, _baby _brother, actually. Charles is Head Boy. He wouldn't lie about this. Come on. I'm taking you back to the common room where you belong. And if I ever catch you smoking or drinking again, _I'll _tell Father. Damn it, Orion, you know better than this! You know what drink turns Father into! We both have the scars to prove it. I don't know who you've become; I'm very disappointed in you."_

"_But…Alfie…I'm not lying! I'm not any of those things…don't compare me to Father…Potter!" Orion shouted, "This is all your fault! I'll get you for this!"_

"_STOP." Alphard took Orion's arm and started pulling him toward the dungeons._

_Charles couldn't help but feel his stomach sink a little. Orion had looked really upset after Alphard's little speech. Maybe he should have come clean about seeing the muggle girl…but no. Orion needed someone to control him. It was for his own good. _

Charles Potter lay down in his bed and shut his eyes tight. It was no good thinking of the past now.

"Did you get the feeling…he wasn't telling us the whole story?" Sirius inquired.

"Um…yes?" James answered, rolling his eyes, "Thanks, Captain Obvious. I can't believe my dad used to be friends with your uncle. That's quite the coincidence, don't you think?

"I don't think it's a coincidence at all," Sirius responded, "Prongs…I think your dad's parents were friends with my dad's parents!"

"_What?_"

"Yes, it makes perfect sense! The Potters are an old, pureblood family. In fact, maybe they were even related! Listen, the Blacks have _always _made close connections with other purebloods. They probably forced their kids to spend a lot of time together…boy, do I know that feeling…and Alphard and Charles became good friends. My father was younger than them, so they probably excluded him…"

"You're kind of making some leaps here…" James interrupted.

"It was the same for me! My father and Abraxas Malfoy are best friends. But I'm much younger than Lucius and he always bossed me around, but the friends he respected were kids like Rodolphus Lestrange."

"Okay, this is all going over my head. Plus, if my grandparents were close friends with yours…then they must have been blood purists. They aren't like that."

"Prongs…they probably were. I'm not being unreasonable…during that time period most families were blood purists. And my grandparents weren't complete monsters _all _the time. Even my father wasn't always…like he is now. He used to really love me. I remember he took me stargazing once…"

_Sirius was seven years old and he was immensely grateful for their large backyard. Even though they lived in London, there was no shortage of grass for him to lay in. He flopped down on his back and his father sat next to him._

_ "You have to lie down to look at the stars!" Sirius ordered._

_ "Yes sir," Orion said with mock seriousness and lay down on the wet grass, taking his son's hand and kissing it lightly._

_ "Where are you?" Sirius demanded._

_ Orion laughed to himself. Sirius was never one for waiting around. It was one of the many things he loved about his little son. "Right there." Orion pointed straight up, "See those three stars? That's my belt."_

_ "I can't see; I have to get closer." Sirius leapt to his feet and started jumping, trying to touch the stars._

_ "Here, let me help." Orion chortled, and he lifted his son into the air and watched Sirius try to touch the stars. Orion faked dropping him and Sirius screeched._

_ "Make me fly!" Sirius yelled._

_ Orion smiled and threw Sirius up in the air, catching him deftly. After a few minutes Sirius ordered, "Down!"_

_ He flopped back down on the ground and said, "I see you now. That's you! Orion!"_

_ "Yep. Orion the hunter. Do you want to hear the story?"_

_ "Orion the hunter," Sirius repeated, "Tell."_

_ "Orion was the son of Neptune and the great huntress Euryale. He inherited her skills and soon he was the greatest hunter on the earth. Unfortunately, he also had a huge ego. I mean, he liked himself a lot. He thought himself quite invincible and incapable of ever making any mistakes. He bragged that he could slay any beast on Earth and the gods sent a little scorpion to kill him."_

_ "That's you?" Sirius asked, wide-eyed._

_ "I hope not," Orion laughed, "Orion's pride ended up being his downfall. He lost everything because he was foolish and selfish. I hope that's not me."_

_ "He lost everything because he was selfish." Sirius repeated._

_ "He didn't care about anyone except himself," Orion explained, "He thought himself so great, and forgot about everyone and everything else. But that won't happen to me because I've got you, haven't I?" He reached over and ticked Sirius._

_ "Where's Sirius?" Sirius asked._

_ "There." Orion pointed and watched Sirius' gaze follow his finger toward his namesake. "Sirius is the dog star. The story goes that Sirius was Orion's faithful hunting partner. But Sirius paid the ultimate price for Orion's arrogance and pride. When Orion was killed by the scorpion, Sirius wandered the Earth hysterically searching for him. Orion was the only family he had. So the goddess Artemis took pity on him and shot him up to the sky, to be with Orion forever."_

_ "Orion and Sirius will be together forever. We'll be together forever, too, right?"_

_ "Of course," Orion smiled. "I won't make the same mistake he did."_

Sirius smiled fondly at the memory, but then frowned rather suddenly, "I wonder when it all went wrong."

"It's not your fault." James replied haphazardly.

"Isn't it? I suppose there was more I could have done."

"Sirius, he's abusive."

"I know."

"Don't make excuses for him."

"I'm not."

"Yes, you are. Stop. Don't blame yourself for his actions. Why are you doing that?"

"I don't mean to, Prongs. I guess it's just…"

"You just have to let it be. You'll drive yourself mad if you do otherwise."

Sirius sighed, "You're probably right."

"What's this have to do with anything anyway?"

"It doesn't. I got off track. The point is I think there's more that happened between my father and your father. I think your dad is the reason the Blacks hate the Potters so much."


	19. The Splurge

**Sorry I took so long...I'd like to give a special shout out to the owner of the tumblr rachelstberry for promoting my story. When I saw that post (even though I'm pretty sure I saw it a long time after you actually posted it) I was so incredibly honored. If anyone else has promoted this story, please shoot me a message because I'd like to thank you personally. **

**Also, thank you to everyone who sent a review. Especially to people who send reviews chapter after chapter. When I started this story, I didn't expect anyone to like it and every time I read your kind words, it really makes my day and inspires me to write (and update faster, hint hint ;)). This story started as a one-shot, and thanks to you guys, it has become much more than that.**

**3**

**R**

The Potters were going to the Ministry of Magic. They each had a reason to go and Sirius decided to tag along for no particular reason. The Potters were going to settle the will of their family. Sirius liked traveling with the Potters. Mr. and Mrs. Potter always walked hand in hand and Sirius liked seeing them together, like they were really in love. His parents were more like a partnership of business, or evil or something. Speak of the devil. There he was. The Potters froze at the sight of him, just as most people did.

Orion Black had a powerful walk. He demanded attention and fear and always got it. Orion snapped at some poor boy who was taking notes behind him and the boy incidentally gulped and speedily walked away in the other direction. Sirius almost wanted to laugh; how often it had been himself or Regulus who'd have to run from the man. Orion was joined by Abraxas Malfoy and Lucius, who to Sirius' delight, was limping. Sirius returned his gaze to his father and really looked at him. Sometimes he forgot his father was a mere thirty-three years old. His career had made him infamous; he was one of the most successful people at the Ministry for his age. His face was still relatively perfect-looking, but he almost always wore the same angry expression, which in Sirius' opinion made him look harsh and unattractive. Not that he'd ever say that to the man's face, if he wanted to keep his own. As if sensing his presence, Orion turned and looked at Sirius, and then the Potters. He changed direction smoothly and walked toward them. All three Potters seemed to tense up and if expecting an attack. Sirius contemplated running; he wasn't afraid (well, he wasn't _that _afraid), he just didn't feel up to a fight at the moment. But Orion didn't need to know that. They key was never to show fear, and to act as though anything and everything that occurred happened exactly how Sirius had expected it. Sirius could hear Orion's voice in his head stating this, remembering this piece of advice among many. The rules of being Black. Sirius shook off a slight shiver, realizing briefly just how well Orion's conditioning worked on him. Sirius stood up straighter, adopted a cool, arrogant expression and tried to look more like the Black he was.

"Well, well, well, look what we have here. The extended Potter family, and not a moment too soon. We were just talking about you." Orion said silkily, bearing his signature evil grin.

_Don't bite_. Sirius willed the Potters not to respond to the last comment. _It's what he wants. Don't rise._

"Father," Sirius replied as casually as he could, "Mr. Malfoy. Malfoy junior."

Orion's mouth twitched briefly, but he said nothing, and just stared into Sirius' eyes. Sirius stared back fearlessly, choosing to avoid his father's eyes and settling on the space in between them.

"_If you can't look someone in the eyes without showing emotion, look at the space between their eyes. They won't be able to tell the difference." Orion instructed his eleven-year-old son, "Never show fear. If your enemy can see you're afraid or agitated at all, you've already lost. Got it?"_

"_Who's my enemy?" Sirius had responded._

"_You have to assume everyone is your enemy, at least until they prove themselves to be an ally."_

Sirius banished the memory, and tried to look neutral.

"Black. Malfoy." Mr. Potter grunted.

Mrs. Potter was much better at playing the game than her husband and beamed back at Orion, "Lovely to see you all. Orion, I must thank you for letting Sirius stay with us. He is such a wonderful boy."

Orion didn't falter for a second, "Not exactly the word I would have chosen for him."

"Well, it's like they say, like father, like son." Sirius fired back, forgetting his decision to remain apathetic and mimicking his father's grin successfully.

Orion smiled at him with an "I'm-going-to-kill-you" look in his eyes.

"What's wrong, cousin?" Sirius asked innocently, ignoring the threat, "It looks like you got hurt."

"I was attacked." Lucius mumbled, averting his eyes.

"Maybe you should be more careful who you make enemies with," Sirius said with mock concern, "It's dangerous out there, you know."

"It's going to get dangerous for you in here if you don't shut up." Orion growled, barely under his breath.

"What was that?" Sirius goaded.

"I was just saying how Lucius is up for nomination in a very prestigious award." Orion recovered, balling his hands into fists and sticking them in his pockets.

"We're very proud of him." Abraxas added.

"Wow, that's great. That's great." Sirius was on a roll now, "I hope you get _exactly _what you deserve, Lucius."

James barely suppressed a snort, and even Mr. Potter's lips were twitching.

"_And_ your family is proud of you! I wonder what that feels like…" Sirius trailed off in a dreamy voice. "We disappointments live a sad life, indeed."

Orion rolled his eyes. James took over taunting Malfoy and Mrs. Potter and Mr. Malfoy were striking up conversation. Orion took a step toward Sirius and Sirius took a step away from him.

"I'm warning you, little boy," Orion hissed, "one more word, and I'll—"

"And you'll what?" Sirius snapped back, his voice almost a whisper, "Going to hit me? We're surrounded by people."

"I'm sure I can think of something." Orion snarled.

"Go on and think of it then!" Sirius challenged.

"Sirius, might I have a word with you?" Orion asked loudly.

"I'm good here, thanks." Sirius replied brightly.

"Sorry, didn't realized I had given you an option," Orion miraculously retained his smile, "Come with me now."

Before anyone could react, he had grabbed Sirius by the back of the neck and started walking him away. He sunk his fingers into the soft flesh of his son's neck until Sirius cried out and said, "I'm going, I'm going!"

They turned round a corner and were outside of Orion's office. Sirius yelped in surprise to see his mother standing outside the door.

"Mother?" Sirius questioned, "What are you doing here?"

"Orion, what is Sirius doing here?" Walburga asked right after him.

"I have no idea," Orion responded, "but will you keep watch while I have words with our son?" She nodded importantly and shot Sirius a dirty look, which he wholeheartedly returned.

Once they were in Orion's office alone. Orion used one hand and pinned Sirius against the wall with excessive force. Sirius looked at him angrily and said, "A lot of people saw me come back here, so if you're going to kill me, they'll all know it was you."

"Don't think I haven't considered it. You'd better watch your mouth before I slap it off your face."

"Bruises magically appearing from nowhere?" Sirius countered, well aware he was digging his own grave, "I'm not sure even you can explain that."

*SMACK*

Sirius stumbled back into Orion's desk, his hand on his face. "You keep away from me!" Sirius warned more loudly than necessary.

Orion rolled his eyes at this pathetic attempt. He pointed his wand and the office was surrounded by a silencing charm.

"You can't stay in here torturing me for long. They'll come looking for me, you know!" Sirius said, sounding more nervous and high-pitched now that he realized he was cornered.

"Get over here." Orion replied.

Sirius made a break for the door which was of course locked. "Let me out!"

"Not yet." Orion moved toward Sirius.

"Stop! Leave me alon—argh!" Orion grabbed Sirius by the collar and Sirius felt his head jerk back as he fought to get away from his father. Orion caught Sirius in a headlock and was dragging him away from the door. Sirius struggled against his father's grip and Orion delivered a knee to Sirius' stomach, letting go of him completely afterward. Sirius doubled over, gasping for breath, and knelt on the floor.

"You want to vomit, I can tell," Orion said evilly, "It isn't going to help."

His father then sent a sharp kick into Sirius' ribs, making him moan in pain. Orion knelt next to Sirius, pushed his son's face into the wood floor and whispered in his ear, "Had enough?"

"Yes." Sirius gasped, knowing this was a fight he wasn't going to win. Orion let go of him and stood up, brushing off his robes.

"Are you going to behave yourself?" he asked, knowing the answer. Sirius always gave in after being struck.

"Yes." Sirius mumbled.

"Yes..?"

"Yes, sir." Sirius corrected. He was barely holding back tears and for a moment Orion almost felt ashamed of himself.

"Good boy. Let's go."

Sirius angrily wiped away the single tear that had fallen and held his head high, hating his father.

As they passed Walburga, Sirius looked at her and, before he could stop himself, said, "I hate you."

She gasped and slapped his face. Sirius yelped against the pain but noticed with surprise that she actually looked near tears. She turned and scurried away, her face in her hands. Sirius felt almost ashamed ;he put a hand up to his red cheek, wondering if he had deserved that one only to have his face yanked up toward Orion who said, "_Don't you ever say that to your mother again, you ungrateful little wretch! If you ever say that again I'll yank you out of Hogwarts and lock you in your room until you're my age! Understand? Do you understand me, little boy?_"

"Yes," Sirius cried quickly, fearful of his father's anger but slightly triumphant that he had finally hurt his mother the way she was always hurting him, "yes."

"Good," Orion said casually, as though he had just exploded at his son, "Let's go back."

It was almost time to return to Hogwarts and true to his word, Sirius had only purchased school supplies with his father's money so far. Although sometimes Sirius wondered to himself whether his father was testing him; after all, he had given Sirius a small fortune considering he had told him to only buy school supplies. It wasn't like Orion would _know _if he spent it on something else, would he? Who cared? Orion was always mad at him, anyway. What would the subject of his anger at Sirius matter? Orion owed him, anyway. Sirius had always wanted a…

Mrs. Potter and her son leapt wildly as a deafening _VROOM _burst through the silence. James ran outside and saw a dark boy on a humongous black and red motorcycle. He laughed loudly and ran over to his best friend.

"What do you think?" Sirius beamed

"Amazing!" James cried, "You've wanted one for ages!"

"Got my license too," Sirius brandished a small square with his still picture, grinning widely, and signature.

"Wow," James breathed, "Just wow. Is this what you've been up to all day?"

"You bet. I made a few _adjustments_ as well. Wanna hop on?" Sirius smiled wildly.

"Do I?" James jumped onto the seat behind Sirius.

"You'll need this." Sirius hands James his helmet.

"Don't you…"

"Take it, I'll be fine."

"Okay."

"Take my waist."

"What?"

"Hold on to me, Prongs."

James placed his hands tentatively on Sirius' waist. Sirius rolled his eyes and revved the engine.

"Be careful!" called Mrs. Potter who had been watching from the window.

Sirius grinned and shot off as fast as he could. James yelped and threw his arms around Sirius, pressing his chest against Sirius' back. Sirius zoomed in circles for a few minutes before shouting to his friend, "Watch this!" He hit a switch on one of the handlebars and the motorcycle started rising off the ground.

James squeezed even closer to Sirius as the motorcycle took flight. "WICKED!" he yelled in Sirius' ear. They flew around for a while until they got tired, and Sirius landed the bike most gracefully on the ground.

"Did you buy it?" James asked.

"Yeah. With my dad's money." Sirius let out a bark-like laugh, "I figure, he owes me."

James laughed too, merely out of relief that Sirius was laughing again. "And…"

"And what?"

"You charmed it?" James asked, circling the bike appreciatively.

"I sure did. It wasn't easy though. Took several tries before I got it right."

"You're brilliant, Sirius, I mean it, you really are. This is…_amazing_."

"I am, aren't I?" Sirius smiled arrogantly, but secretly he relished in the praise.

James beamed back. It looked as though he was finally getting his friend back after all.


	20. The Return

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Remus Lupin was concerned. He had circled the Hogwarts Express _twice_ in his prefect duties and there was no sign of James or Sirius. What had happened to them? Had they missed the train? He had even asked Professor McGonnagel _and _Professor Dumbledore (up in the teachers' car) and neither of them had seen his friends either. Remus and Peter Pettigrew had decided to just share a compartment with Lily Evans, his fellow prefect, and Snape. Rather, they had joined Remus and Peter. Remus was sure that if James and Sirius were here, this never would have occurred. However Remus didn't particularly mind Snape when he wasn't plotting against the Marauders. As if he had sensed Remus thinking about him, Severus Snape suddenly cut in.

"Where're your best friends, Potter and Black? Think they finally realized they were too stupid to attend Hogwarts?"

Then again, maybe Snape was a humongous git. It was still beyond Remus' comprehension how Lily could have ever forgiven Snape for calling her a mudblood. Then again, Lily seemed to have an infinite capacity to forgive everyone. Everyone except James, of course.

"You shut up about James and Sirius!" cried Peter, ever loyal. How remarkable it was that even when James and Sirius were gone, they were still the topic of conversation. Not to mention the only thing all four of the students had in common. James-and-Sirius was a force to be reckoned with, that much was for sure.

"Where _are_ they?" Lily cut in.

"I'm not sure," replied Remus, distressed, thinking of Sirius' parents, "They would have owled, at least…"

"I heard Black got kicked out of his family, once and for all." Snape smiled unpleasantly.

This annoyed Remus enough to provoke him to respond more snappishly than usual, "_Sirius _did not get kicked out. He ran away. Not that it's any of your business anyway, Severus. Sirius is much better off without his family." Wait. Should he have said that?

"Why?" asked Lily Evans suspiciously.

"Because," Peter squeaked, "Sirius' parents were—"

He cut off after a sharp kick from Remus. "Oops." Peter said out loud. Lily and Severus exchanged a look and Remus felt a chill. That was dangerously close; he found himself wishing James had never told them Sirius' secret.

"Sirius' parents what?" Snape asked eagerly, "What were you going to say, Pettigrew?"

"Stop it, Severus," Lily cut in, "It's none of our business."

"That's right." Remus felt relieved but only for a minute because he could already see the wheels working in Snape's head. What had they done? "Just leave Sirius alone, will you?" Remus asked, though not totally sure who the question was directed at. "He's been through a lot."

"I think Sirius is quite all right," Lily smiled, trying to help her prefect friend, "At least compared to Potter." She couldn't stop herself from saying it.

"Potter," Snape practically spat, "I don't know how you lot can stand him."

"James is fine, once you get to know him," Remus said loyally, "he's a very good friend. They both are."

"To each other. And I don't want to get to know him," Snape scoffed, "Interesting how you both defend them, but where are they to defend you?"

Remus was starting to feel his blood boil, "You know what, Snape—"

An oddly loud buzzing noise was coming from out the window, distracting Remus from finishing his sentence. Peter, who was closest, glanced out and cried, "LOOK!"

The four all crammed to get a view out the window. Two boys were riding a motorcycle alongside the train. They both had black hair and dark sunglasses on. The driver was wearing a black leather jacket and smirking. The other boy was using one arm to grip the driver's waist and the other to wave wildly at them. It didn't take a genius to figure out…

"PADFOOT! PRONGS!" Peter cheered joyfully.

Then the motorcycle began to fly off the ground. Lily gasped and even Snape looked impressed. Sirius and James somehow managed to stand and leaned into the window.

"How's it going, mates?" Sirius asked casually, as if he wasn't balancing on a flying motorcycle traveling well over a hundred miles an hour.

"Look at what Padfoot did!" was all James to get out, laughing madly, "All right, Evans?"

"James!" Lily cried, forgetting she only referred to him as 'Potter,' "What…how…JAMES!" she stuttered, unable to fully process a floating James Potter outside her window.

"SIRIUS! JAMES! STOP THAT RIGHT NOW! YOU'RE GOING TO KILL YOURSELVES!" Remus couldn't keep himself from yelling.

They were attracting attention now. Sirius and James, both still miraculously standing just laughed as more sixth years crammed into the compartment to see them.

"Relax, Moony! I'm keeping the motorbike driving with magic!" called Sirius.

"THAT'S ILLEGAL! AND HOW ARE YOU STAYING BALANCED?" Remus cried.

They shouldn't have been surprised when the teachers appeared.

"BLACK! POTTER! WHAT IN HEAVEN'S NAME ARE YOU DOING?" Professor McGonnagel shrieked.

"EXTRA CREDIT!" James roared back and Sirius laughed with him. Sirius fell into a seated position, taking James with him. James grabbed hold of his friend and they took off into the sky and out of sight. The train burst into applause watching them go.

Of course they had gotten in trouble. Even though it was just detention, Sirius could still hear his father's threat ringing in his ears. _I don't want to have to come up there are kick your arse myself_. Professor McGonnagel had gone pretty easy on them; Sirius wondered if it was because they had both lost family recently. She was like that and it was one of the many reasons he liked her, despite the fact she was always busting his arse. When James and Sirius had entered the Gryffindor common room they were greeted by cheers and whoops and "I-can't-believe-you-did-that"s and all sorts of comments reflecting their infamy.

James seemed to enjoy every second of it, but Sirius just plastered the fake smile on his face and went upstairs. He felt a little sick with fear of what his father would do to him if he figured out that Sirius had broken their deal before the term had even started. _Relax, it was only detention, he won't find out_. Sirius just kept telling himself that. After their last encounter Orion had certainly demonstrated that he was willing to risk even a couple of witnesses to hit Sirius; something he had never done before. Sirius started to wonder what this could mean for him but it made his head pound and he stopped.

"Padfoot, mate, get out of your head!" James practically yelled in his ear, "It's quite nice out here, you know."

Sirius grinned and pushed James away from him, "Right you are, Prongs. All right, Moony? Wormtail?"

"Did you get in trouble?" Peter asked excitedly. Remus shook his head with disapproval, but smiled anyway. He was glad that Sirius was coping well enough to buy and enchant a motorbike. That had to be a good sign.

"Only detention," James said nonchalantly and he sank onto the sofa, pulling Sirius down with him, "It was worth it."

"That it was. To top that entrance, we'll need a flying car, eh, Prongs?"

James laughed but was suddenly distracted by the presence of Lily Evans who appeared in front of the boys smiling.

"Evans!" James cried joyfully.

Lily shot him a withering look before turning toward Remus. "Remus, we have a prefect meeting tomorrow at eight o'clock, in case you forgot."

"Thanks, Lily." Remus smiled at her. She turned to walk away, but stopped. She looked at Sirius and smiled at him too. Sirius grinned easily back, making a few girls behind him swoon.

"Did you have a good summer, Sirius?" Remus froze, wondering if he had oversold the "Sirius-has-been-through-a-lot." Why else would Lily be nice to Sirius?

First Narcissa, now Lily? Sometimes _Orion_? What was going on?

"Well, let's just say it ended better than it started." Sirius replied, swinging an arm around James who happily accepted it. "How was yours, Eva…er…Lily?"

"It was quite fun, actually, I went to France."

"Oh, I love France!" Sirius replied enthusiastically, forgetting to remain nonchalant and unaware of a steadily growing red-faced best friend he had his arm around, "That was the one place my parents took me that I really loved. _Parlez-vous francais?_" Sirius smiled at her, Remus sensed danger after catching the look on James' face. Flirting came as naturally as breathing to Sirius and Remus thought perhaps he should step in before…

"Hey, Sirius, what's French for shut up?" James asked innocently enough, but Remus knew what was coming and wished he could stop it.

"_Taisez-vous _, unless you're—"

"Yeah, well, do that then, why don't you? Your voice is getting on my nerves; it's all I've heard for weeks now." The minute the words left his mouth, James wished he could take them back. He realized it had come out a million times harsher than he had thought it sounded in his head. All it took was for him to see the hurt cross Sirius' face to make James wish he had cut out his tongue before saying something so hurtful to his best friend. Sirius got up and walked away dejectedly, hiking up the steps to the dormitory.

"Padfoot, wait!" James called after him "Oh, _fuck_ me."

"How could you say that to your best friend, Potter?" Lily asked angrily.

"That was really mean, Prongs." Remus admonished.

"I think you hurt his feelings." Peter added quietly.

"I didn't mean for it to come out like that," James snapped back, annoyed they were all ganging up on him, "He's _my _best friend; I'll go talk to him."

"Some best friend you are!" Lily yelled at him.

James looked back at her and opened his mouth to retort. He wanted to tell her that she had no idea what being Sirius Black's best friend meant. He wanted to tell her how he had rescued Sirius from Grimmauld Place, held him while he sobbed, clasped his hand at his favorite uncle's funeral, lifted him out of the dark recesses of his own thoughts, and that even though he'd always do anything for Sirius, it did get exhausting after a while, holding Sirius' head up every night, trying to keep him from falling through the cracks inside his mind. James looked back at her, the girl he still loved even now, and closed his mouth.

Remus at least seemed to understand, "Don't worry; he knows you didn't mean it."

"Don't excuse him, Remus!" Lily snapped.

"She's right, Moony," James sighed, "That _was_ a horrible thing to say. I have to go apologize." How was it that Lily always brought out the worst in him?

But before he could do so, Sirius reappeared, seemingly out of nowhere.

"Padfoot!" James called him and Sirius shuffled over obediently, looking remarkably like a dog with its tail between its legs.

"Listen, mate, about what I said—" James began but Sirius interrupted, waving off his apology.

"Don't worry about it. It's fine." Sirius smiled his Sirius smile and James tried to return it, knowing that what he said _wasn't _fine and perhaps there was a problem with Sirius thinking it was. James was reminded of the few horrible times Sirius had claimed that he had "deserved" a beating from his father, apparently not knowing that no matter what he did it was never okay for his dad to hit him with a cane, or with anything else for that matter. James brushed off this thought for the moment and grinned at his friend, knowing he was forgiven.

It was the first day of term and James and Sirius were sitting at breakfast, unhappy about their detention. The mysterious deaths of the Potters were splattered all over the front page of the _Prophet _and it had put James in a dark mood. Sirius decided to fly under the radar for a bit, not wanting to give Orion an excuse to make the trip up to his school. They walked silently through the halls and smiled weakly at everyone who clapped them on the back or asked how their summer had been. It was a perfectly uneventful day, the first day of classes, until someone grabbed Sirius' collar and dragged him behind the Charms classroom.

"Hey, let me go!" Sirius shouted before he saw it was only Narcissa.

"Are you mad?" she shrieked, "A motorcycle? What would your mother saw if she saw you—"

"She would say this," Sirius put on a high pitched voice, "Oh, Sirius, you're such a horrible disappointment! Why can't you be more like Regulus? Why can't you be more like Lucius? Why can't you be more like your father? Mudblood lover! Blood traitor! Abomination!"

Narcissa giggled, quite out of character for her and added, "Shame of my flesh!"

"I always hated that one. It's not like I was carved out of her arse or something."

"Never mind," Narcissa said, still giggling, "How's your first day back?"

Sirius shrugged, "Not bad." He was still confused about the odd receptiveness of his cousin, but he decided to let it be. Maybe now that she was free from Bellatrix, Narcissa felt she could finally warm up to Sirius again. "How's yours?"

"Sirius," Narcissa breathed, "Lucius Malfoy asked me out! I can't believe it! Do you think he likes me?"

Sirius' stomach churned but he couldn't bring himself to shit all over Narcissa's happiness, especially since she had wanted to share it with him, "How could he not?" Sirius smiled as best as he could.

Narcissa just beamed at him and she threw her arms around her favorite cousin. Sirius hugged her back, still bewildered; had Narcissa been abducted by aliens when she was twelve and had only now been returned to her body?

"Well, I have to go before anyone sees…bye, Sirius!"

"Bye, cousin."

Sirius ran to catch up with James and they headed for Transfiguration, which they took with the Slytherins. Sirius entered the room and beamed at Professor McGonnagel, who, at the sight of the two boys, looked to the ceiling as if praying for strength. They took seats next to each other and Remus and Peter grabbed the table next to them. The Gryffindors crowded to one side, and the Slytherins to the other, the sole exception being Lily Evans and Severus Snape who sat together. At the sight of this, James ran a hand through his hand distractedly and threw the back of Snape's head a dirty look. Sirius, wanting to cheer his friend up, scribbled a hideous picture of Snape on a spare piece of parchment and passed it to James.

"Welcome to sixth year Transfiguration." Professor McGonnagel said, "As future NEWT students, I expect only the best from you all. There will be no fooling around in this class. Is that understood, Black and Potter?" She turned to the boys, who were both choking back laughs.

Suddenly, Sirius felt a little indignant; they hadn't even done anything yet. Except…fly to the school on a motorcycle. But before he could argue, James butted in.

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"Yeah," Sirius agreed quickly, "We haven't done anything yet—"

"No, I mean she said Black and Potter. Why'd you say his name before mine? We're _Potter _and Black."

"I'm pretty sure she got it right the first time, _Potter_." Sirius said with a grin.

"Enough!" McGonnagel, "This is foolishness."

"Let's compromise," Sirius said, turning to look at James, "We'll be known as 'James-and-Sirius _or _Black-and-Potter."

"Deal." And they shook hands.

McGonnagel heaved a sigh; at least they were finished. "We're doing color changing charms today…_without _speaking the incantation."

_Easy,_ thought Sirius with a sigh. He recalled the number of times he changed the color of a bruise on his face to look the same color as the rest of his skin. He waved his wand wordlessly and the desk turned purple.

"Show off." James grumbled and he pointed his own wand at the desk and about half of it turned blue. Grumbling, James waved his wand again and the rest of the desk turned blue.

"Good work, boys." Professor McGonnagel said approvingly, "Twenty points to Gryffindor."

Several Slytherins made faces at James and Sirius, which they ignored. Sirius sighed, bored already, and pointed his wand at James robes and smiled when they turned neon orange.

"Hey!" James said, "These are an eyesore. And two can play that game." He waved his own wand at Sirius' long black locks and snorted when they turned blue.

Sirius turned James' glasses pink.

James turned Sirius' tie green.

Sirius threw the spell at Remus, who's robes turned banana yellow. Remus scowled at them, but they just snickered at him and James lobbed the next spell at Snape, who's greasy black hair turned a lovely shade of magenta. Unable to hold in his laughter anymore, Sirius let out a laugh that was somewhere between a bark and a shout. Professor McGonnagel turned around to see half the classroom resembling a kaleidoscope and shouted:

"Potter! Black! Stop fooling around!"

"It's Black! Potter!" James corrected, imitating her shrill voice without meaning to and then quickly turning red.

"Actually, Potter, it's detention. For both of you."

Sirius sighed. It was going to be a long year.


	21. The Potion

James Potter was made captain of the Gryffindor Quidditch team, and he couldn't have been happier. He practically walked on air the rest of the day after McGonnagel had pulled him aside after Transfiguration and told him. Sirius had waited loyally by the door and when James told him he smiled and told James he quit. James shoved him a little and said:

"We're going to win the Cup."

"Maybe so." Sirius said nonchalantly.

"It wasn't a question. I will make sure we win."

"Whatever you say, Captain." Sirius replied, wondering if McGonnagel knew she had created a monster before the season had even started.

"I'll have tryouts immediately. We must start training right away," James continued madly, "We have to win! Every match!"

"Easy, Prongs, save your energy for the pitch."

"I have more than the pitch needs." James retorted.

Just as they sat down for lunch in the Great Hall, James leapt to his feet unexpectedly. He pressed the tip of his wand to his throat and said, "_Sonorus_."

"ATTENTION ALL GRYFFINDORS! IF YOU WANT TO TRY OUT FOR THE QUIDDITCH TEAM MEET ME ON THE PITCH AT 4:00 TODAY. AS FOR THE REST OF THE SCHOOL, PREPARE TO TASTE DEFEAT. AGAIN AND AGAIN AND AGAIN. THAT IS ALL."

"Subtle." Remus commented and Sirius and Peter laughed.

"Well, they know, don't they?" James replied haughtily and dug into his food. He looked up at Sirius, who didn't seem to be eating anything. "Eat up, Padfoot, you'll need your strength to get onto _my _team."

"I thought I already told you, I quit." Sirius smirked and James rolled his eyes.

"Please."

"Maybe I'll try out," Peter interrupted, "what's open?"

James thought for a minute, "We need two beaters and a chaser."

"Cool," Peter said excitedly, "which should I do?"

James paused, not knowing how to handle the situation. As far as he had seen, Peter wasn't particularly good at Quidditch. And he had seen enough.

"Er…"

"Look, pudding!" Remus interrupted helpfully and Peter was momentarily distracted.

"We have to go to Potions soon, you know." Sirius said, checking his expensive watch for the time.

"Erm…right." James agreed, running a hand through his hair.

The boys trekked down to the dungeons and were greeted by the Slytherins again.

"Why is it _always _them?" James hissed into Sirius' ear furiously.

"Hey, Black!" called one of them. Sirius recognized him as Richard Avery.

"What?" James called back aggressively before Sirius could respond.

"Nobody's talking to you, Potter." Snape joined in.

"And you, either, Sniv."

"What's up, Dick?" Sirius replied to Avery nonchalantly.

"Black, I heard your mum talking about how upsetting it was that you didn't go to your cousin's wedding."

Bella has married Rodolphus Lestrange. He had completely forgotten. Not that he would have gone anyway.

"Piss off," Sirius said dangerously, "and don't talk to me about my mother."

"Or you'll what?" Avery challenged.

Sirius adopted a downright sinister expression, "Didn't _your_ mother ever teach you not to cross a Black?"

"Ha! You're no more a Black than I am." Avery said, and his friends mumbled their assent, "You're a disgrace."

*BANG*

Sirius had whipped out his wand and thrown a knockback jinx at Avery in one fluid motion.

"SIRIUS BLACK!" roared Slughorn, who had inconveniently chosen that moment to appear, "Fighting on the first day back? What's gotten into you, boy? What would your father say?"

Sirius had a pretty good idea of what his father would say and subsequently do to him if he knew that Sirius had been fighting a pureblood on the first day of school. However, he wasn't afraid; he knew Slughorn wouldn't tell anyone if he looked contrite enough. Sirius adopted a dejected expression and, as per usual, Slughorn fell for the act within moments. Sirius briefly considered whether or not he should actually attend one of Slughorn's parties this year. It wouldn't hurt to have the man like him, even though it was only for his name and connections to the Noble and Most Psychotic House of Black.

"Inside, all of you."

"I'm still a Black." Sirius mumbled under his breath as he stepped over Avery to get inside the classroom. James nodded half-heartedly, but was secretly worried. He had been working under the impression that Sirius had made a clean break from the Blacks. Now he was defending it as his name and going home for Christmas. What had gotten into him?

Sirius and James sat beside each other, Sirius looking a little upset. James gave him an encouraging smile, and Sirius smiled back uneasily.

"Who can tell me what this potion is?" Slughorn asked, motioning to the steaming cauldron in front of him. Sirius, hoping to redeem himself further, raised his hand and said, "Amortentia" without hesitation when Slughorn called on him. Slughorn beamed at him.

"Could you smell it from all the way over there?"

"Ye-," Sirius began, but James delivered a painful kick to his shins. Sirius stopped himself and thought quickly. Ever since he had become an Animagus, Sirius' sense of smell and hearing had improved greatly, and he didn't want to give himself away, "I mean, a little, but I also recognized the steam rising in a circular manner."

"Good work, boy. Ten points to Gryffindor." Slughorn tossed Sirius a small flask of it and Sirius opened it and inhaled deeply, letting out a little sigh.

"I can smell it. It smells like…the sky after it snows. Warmth, inside a house I know. And…something else. Something very familiar …but I can't identify it, exactly…" Sirius suddenly clamped his mouth shut, identifying the extremely proximate source of the smell. He passed the flask to James, who inhaled deeply and grinned.

"It smells like rain. My broom. My house. Something…like leather, maybe? Something cinnamony…mixed with smoke. Some kind of cologne, it smells great. Something flowery, too…"

"Why does it smell different to each of them?" Slughorn asked the class.

"It smells like things that attract us." Snape answered, desperate to outshine Sirius.

"It's more than that," Slughorn replied and James smirked at Snape being wrong at Potions for once, "Amortentia is designed to imitate love. What you smell isn't just what attracts you. It's what you identify with love. When you think of love, what comes to your mind? Black? Potter, what comes to mind?"

Sirius said nothing, but James answered without hesitation.

"My parents. My friends. I don't know. Hogwarts. Quidditch. Is that enough?"

"And could you smell those things?"

"Yeah, I guess so."

"You'll all be brewing it today. Get to work."

What came to mind when Sirius thought of love? He snorted aloud at the thought of it. Love. As if any of that had ever existed in his life. He sat at the desk, deep in thought and barely noticed when James traipsed back to him with all the ingredients. James dropped them in front of Sirius then said, simply, "Done."

Sirius laughed, "We haven't even started yet, Prongs."

"I thought you could take it from here. I'll just mess it all up."

"What am I, your slave?"

"Yes."

Sirius rolled his eyes and punched James lightly. He began tossing ingredients into the cauldron, knowing he had to get every detail precisely correct in order to brew a good potion. He directed James to stir, but stopped him after a few seconds, as James was distracted by the back of Lily Evans' head, as he often was. Sirius sighed and took the spoon out of James' hands, stirring his Amortentia gently. He inhaled deeply again and sighed, this time sensing something else; it was rich and spicy, but he could not identify this scent.

"Wow, it sure smells great," James grinned easily, "The smart thing to do would be to identify all of the smells and surround yourself with those people and things, don't you think?"

"I'm not so sure about that!" Slughorn boomed, apparently listening in on them, "Be careful, Mr. Potter. Sometimes the things you love can end up hurting you."

Sirius felt a little jolt in his stomach at Slughorn's words, "Yeah, and sometimes the people who love you will just end up destroying you."

James gave him an odd look, but Slughorn nodded jovially, clearly not paying attention to Sirius' words.

"Love is dangerous thing, boys. It can be terribly wonderful and painful at the same time."

"Yeah," Sirius agreed, and suddenly he had a sneaking suspicion of the source of that rich and spicy scent, "painful."

The return to Hogwarts was a celebration for the Marauders; they were back in their element, at a school they practically owned. All four of them were in good spirits, and the friendship seemed stronger than ever, all of their past quarrels long forgotten. Despite how smoothly things were sailing, James couldn't help but get the feeling that they were currently living in the calm before the storm. He had a pretty good idea what the storm would be too: Hurricane Sirius.

Sirius was as energetic and enthusiastic and Sirius-like as ever, but James was beginning to wonder if his loud, carefree act was just a front for what was going on in his mind. Even though Sirius rarely let it show around anyone, James could sometimes catch a glimpse of it; worry, rage, exhaustion, frustration, fear. It would be on his face for a fleeting moment; when he was deep in thought or even when he was casually getting ready for bed. Sirius' grin would slide away and be replaced with an expression of terrible sadness. James fancied he might be imagining it until one night it became so painfully obvious that he had to ask after it.

The Marauders were hanging out in the common room. Remus and Sirius were doing homework. James was sitting next to Sirius, absent-mindedly tossing a Quaffle back and forth with Peter. Peter kept dropping the Quaffle, but James was determinedly patient with him; he just hoped Peter didn't _actually _try out for the team. There was no way James could let him on. Sirius suddenly got to his feet and James looked up at him.

"What's up, Padfoot?"

"I forgot my Arithmancy book upstairs; I'll be right back."

Sirius climbed the stairs to the boys' dormitory. After a quarter of an hour, James decided that he, too, should try tackling some of his homework. He walked upstairs to get his books and saw Sirius. Sirius was sitting on his bed, engrossed in a photograph. James snuck up behind him and caught a glimpse of the picture. It was of his family. The picture looked to have been taken right before Sirius had gone to Hogwarts. Sirius and Regulus were laughing and hugging. Behind them stood Orion and Walburga. Walburga was leaning back in Orion's arms and had a hand on Regulus' shoulder and Sirius' head. Orion was holding his wife and seemed to be genuinely smiling, a rare occasion. Had he been staring at the photograph all this time?

"Pictures can be very misleading," Sirius said. James couldn't tell if Sirius was talking to himself or to James, "This makes it look like we're normally a happy family. Or that we're even _occasionally _a happy family. I remember like twenty minutes after this was taken, Regulus was crying because I was leaving for school and my father yelled at him for making a fuss. Then he told me that I'd better just behave myself and get sorted into Slytherin, because the Blacks had been Slytherins for centuries and I'd better not mess that up."

He looked sadder than James had ever seen him. He wasn't crying or yelling or even on the brink of tears. His face just held an expression that made James' heart ache with pain. James opened his mouth to speak but before he could Sirius continued.

"Remember when I got into Gryffindor and the next day my mother sent me a letter saying that she was ashamed that I was her son? That nearly killed me. Isn't it funny? Even at that age, when I had grown up with her always telling me she loved me one day and hated me the next, I was so hurt by that letter. Not because she was ashamed of me though. I think putting it in writing made it clear; it was solid proof of how little my family cared about me, and how easy it was for them to hate me."

Sirius went silent, just staring at the picture. His lower lip trembled for only a moment before he said in a brisk voice, "Oh well. No use looking back. They just don't love me. They never did. It's not something I can control. And it's not something that's about to change." A forlorn expression crossed his face and his swiped his wand at the picture and muttered, "_Diffindo_."

Sirius had cut himself out of the picture. "Come on, let's go back downstairs Prongs."

"Padfoot—" James began, without having any idea of what to say.

"You don't have to say anything, Prongs. Let's go get Moony and Wormtail and head to the kitchens."

James closed his mouth, nodded and walked toward the door, stopping when he saw Sirius turn around again. Sirius picked up the half of the photo with his mother, father and brother. His face got hard and he took out his wand and slashed at it viciously several times, releasing an anguished sound from his throat. His shoulders slumped for a minute and James walked back over to him. He was about to put a hand on Sirius' shoulder when his friend turned around and looked at him. His eyes were clear and bright; he grinned at James and walked past him casually. James felt his stomach turn uneasily. Clearly things were bothering Sirius much more than James had anticipated, and he had no idea what to do about it.


	22. The Captain

"It's time for Quidditch tryouts," James practically sang, "Come on, Padfoot, hurry up!"

"I'm coming, I'm coming," Sirius said irritably, trying to pull on his other boot, "keep your shirt on, will you?"

As soon as Sirius had managed to pull his robes over his head, James grabbed his forearm and pulled him roughly to the door. Sirius smiled a little; James' excitement was infectious. They walked onto the pitch to see the potential new players. James had decided to keep everyone who was already on the team. He had seen them play and was sure they were the best. Sirius waved at Benjy Fenwick, one of the chasers. Benjy smiled good-naturedly back. James shot all of his old players a wide grin before turning to the recruits.

"All right, you lot. We are going to win the Quidditch Cup this year. I have decided this. If you aren't capable of _winning_, you may as well clear off now."

Nobody moved.

"Okay then," James said, "Beaters to one side, chasers to the other."

The group split and there were six potential chasers and ten beaters. James began barking orders and Sirius quickly retreated to his goal posts. The chasers lined up to challenge Sirius. Sirius moved forward so that he was a couple of feet in front of the goal posts. James barked commands at everyone and after an hour straight he had chosen the new team. Sirius felt pretty good about the new additions; it would be nice if Gryffindor won the Quidditch Cup for a change.

"How were tryouts?" Remus asked as James and Sirius plopped down next to himself and Peter, respectively.

"We're going to win." James said triumphantly before digging into his food.

"Well, confidence is key." Remus said with a small smile.

"If there's one thing our Prongs has no shortage, its confidence." Sirius smirked.

"You can say that again." Peter agreed.

James said nothing, unsure of whether he was being made fun of or not. With this lot, it was usually safe to assume he was.

"Let's do a prank. We haven't really done a prank yet." James interrupted their snickering.

Sirius smiled easily but felt his stomach turn. He had already gotten two detentions and they had been back for less than a week! He wasn't sure he wanted to press his luck. "Can we do it tomorrow? I'm beat."

"Okay." James conceded grumpily. "So what's with you and Narcissa?" He asked suddenly as she walked by their table, smiling at Sirius.

"How d'you mean?" asked Sirius disinterestedly.

"Well, she spoke to you. I thought you guys didn't get along."

"We did, then we didn't, I guess now we do. I don't know." Sirius responded. "The full moon is in a couple of days. What's our plan?"

James frowned at the obvious brush off, but decided not to press the matter. He was sure if he did, Sirius would just snap at him to mind his own damn business.

"We could go to the Forbidden Forest." Peter suggested nervously.

"That's a good idea, Wormtail," James said and Peter smiled proudly, "I love the Forest."

"So do I," Sirius agreed, "There's something comforting about the place."

Remus rolled his eyes, "You two have spent way too much time in there. It's forbidden for a reason, you know."

"What reason is that?" Sirius asked, knowing Remus wouldn't have an answer.

"Monsters!" Peter answered fearfully.

James chortled at this, "There are no monsters in the Forest, Peter."

"Yes, there are," Remus interrupted, "What do you think werewolves, vampires, hags and chimearas are?"

"Those aren't monsters," James replied, rolling his eyes, "you know better than anyone that werewolves are just…misunderstood. Vampires, I don't know much about. Hags aren't exactly terrifying, and chimearas…well _I've _never seen one in the Forest."

"Werewolves are monsters that one night each month," Remus argued, "And vampires are the undead that live off of the blood of humans."

"I always hated that term," James argued, "_Undead. _You can be dead or you can be _un_dead? It sounds stupid."

"Please," Sirius jumped in unexpectedly, "you lot know nothing about real monsters. Real monsters live among us. They look like regular people. Like my family."

The boys laughed and Sirius grinned triumphantly.

"I wouldn't be quite as cheerful if I were in your situation, Black." A familiar sneering voice penetrated the group. Lily Evans and Severus Snape were standing behind Sirius and Peter, though Sirius didn't know how long they had been there or how much they had heard. Sirius sighed and shot his middle finger over his shoulder, deciding it wasn't even worth it to yell at Snape to mind his own damn business. James, on the other hand, took the offensive and casually flicked his wand at Snape, making the boy's hair turn the same shade of pink it had been in Transfiguration.

"Potter!" Snape snarled at his, but James acted as though he could not hear.

"What were we saying?" James continued his conversation with the others as though nothing had happened, and Snape and Lily weren't still standing there, "Monsters, right? Well, I agree with Padfoot. There're a lot scarier things than a couple of werewolves or chimaeras. Once I heard this story about a greasy sixteen year old boy. He was very nosy and annoying and most everyone hated him. He tried to provoke one of his handsome classmates, not knowing that the boy was actually extremely mentally disturbed. One day, he interrupted the handsome boy's conversations and the handsome boy waited until dark and chopped up his greasy classmate into a thousand tiny pieces, scattering them around the castle in various locations. I guess the moral of the story is that one should be careful who one decides to provoke all hours of the day. Because someday, that person might…just…snap…"

With this, James leapt to his feet and lunged madly at Snape, who actually jumped back in alarm, causing the Marauders to laugh. Sirius smiled and shook his head. James did have a way with words. Snape, sensing defeat, trudged away. Lily Evans just shot the boys and indecipherable look and followed him.

The boys left the Great Hall only to be intercepted by Professor Slughorn, who was brandishing invitations for his Slug Club party at James and Sirius.

"I know you boys are busy, but I hope you can make a little time for me!" Slughorn said cheerily. Sirius tried to summon a fake smile for the man, but he was exhausted from the day and barely managed a grunt.

Luckily, James stepped in and proclaimed they would be there no matter what. Sirius had no idea why he would do that. Slughorn's parties were just like the ones his parents always dragged him to. It was a bunch of people pretending they were more important than they actually were. Sirius had no patience for it. Once Slughorn turned to corner Lily Evans Sirius turned to James.

"Why'd you do that? You know I hate those things."

"You can't hate them," James argued, "We've never been."

"I've got a pretty good idea of what they're like. I'm not going, Prongs."

"Come on, please?"

"Why do you even want to go?" Sirius asked, annoyed

"I just do, alright?" James answered, his face turning red.

"Oh, I get it. You want to make time with Evans, don't you?" Sirius sighed, "Give it up, why don't you?"

"Yeah, it might be time to let that one go." Peter agreed.

"Maybe just wait a little while?" Remus added evenly.

"I don't give up," James replied, "So will you go with me?"

"No."

"Padfoot."

"Nope."

"Sirius." James was practically begging. Sirius sighed, knowing James was going to play the best friend card next. Followed by the guilt card. James was pretty predictable to Sirius. Then again, most people were. Sirius was good at reading people.

"I'm counting on you. You're my best friend. My partner in crime. My brother. Pleeeeeeeeaaaaaasssssseeeeee e."

Sirius rolled his eyes at James' predictable routine.

"You wouldn't _really _leave me to the mercy of a bunch of Slytherins, would you?"

"Oh, all _right_." Sirius said finally, defeated. "Merlin, you're annoying."

James grinned, ignoring the jibe, knowing he had won.

They began walking up to Gryffindor tower. Sirius passed Regulus on the staircase, but averted eye contact since it looked as though Regulus wished to speak with him. His brother huffed in frustration and made to pursue the older boy.

"Sirius!" Regulus called.

Sirius halted on the stairs and turned to his brother, "Is someone dead?"

"What? No!"

Sirius turned and kept walking.

"Sirius, wait!" Regulus tried to follow him but was pushed back by a group of students walking down the steps.

"He looked like he wanted to talk to you." Remus said quietly.

"Do I look like I want to listen?" Sirius snapped back, "He's got nothing to say to me; nothing I haven't already heard."

"Maybe you should—"

"Drop it, Moony." James interrupted.

Sirius was grateful. He couldn't stand the thought of talking to anyone in his family right now. Except maybe Narcissa. Like clockwork, she appeared on the staircase two flights ahead of him, rushing her way down. When she saw him, she froze. She looked upset about something. Sirius gave her a reassuring smile, but she just looked at him, as though she was trying to decide whether to acknowledge him in public or not. She looked from left to right and, heaving a sigh, smiled at her cousin.

"All right, cousin?"

"I'm sorry, are you talking to me?" Sirius glanced left and right, "It's just that you don't normally like people to see that you like me."

Narcissa smirked, "I never said I liked you. But we are family."

Sirius snorted, "As if that makes a difference."

Narcissa rolled her eyes and pushed past him. She stopped long enough to say quietly, "For the record, I do like you."


	23. The Other Black

**That last chapter was too short, even by my standards. I hope this one makes up for it. It's dedicated to IWLTxo, because she always reviews and I want her to know how much I appreciate it.**

**3 **

**R**

Remus had to speak to James, but couldn't find him. His status as a prefect allowed him to wander the castle at night, but oddly, he still felt guilty doing it. He turned a corner sharply and ran into Lily Evans.

"Oh!" Lily gasped, "I'm sorry I wasn't really paying attention to where I was going."

"Me either." Remus replied with a smile.

"Hey, you aren't on rounds tonight, are you? What are you doing out so late?"

"I'm looking for James. You haven't seen him around have you?"

"No, I haven't. Is anything wrong?"

"Not with James, no." Remus answered distractedly.

"Then with whom?"

"What?"

"Well, you said 'not with James' when I asked if anything was wrong. So who's got something wrong with them?"

"Erm…nobody," Remus said weakly. Why did Lily have to be so perceptive, "I misspoke."

"Is it Sirius?" she continued, ignoring him, "I thought something seemed off with him today. He got distracted in Potions—"

"Not with Sirius. Why would you think that?" Remus replied a little too quickly.

Lily narrowed her eyes, "I just told you. What's going on?"

"Sirius…well…he…er…"

"Moony?" James appeared with perfect timing, "Hey, Evans!"

Lily rolled her eyes and began walking away. She turned back and said, "We'll talk about it later, Remus."

"Talk about what later, Moony?" James demanded, glancing at Lily's retreating form with worry, "Why in Merlin's name were you talking about Sirius?"

"It wasn't like that Prongs, don't look at me like that. I was looking for you, actually, for this precise reason. I don't know how long I can keep this secret! I'm a terrible liar! Lily already thinks something's up…"

"Damn it! Why did I tell either of you? Listen, you cannot, under any circumstances, discuss the…situation with Sirius. If you feel tempted to just think about what his face would look like if he found out. That should keep your mouth shut."

"James…it isn't that easy," Remus said in a pained voice, "I still think we need to do something about his parents—"

"Shh!" James hissed, clapping a hand over Remus' mouth, "We can't talk here!"

Remus pried James' hand off of his mouth, "What, do you think Snape is listening in the walls?"

"I don't know. Maybe."

"All I was saying is we should try to prevent…you know who from going home for Christmas."

"You don't think I know that? He's stubborn. Luckily we have plenty of time to convince him otherwise before December."

"James…I'm worried about him."

"So am I. But there's really nothing we can do but listen if he wants to talk about it. _None _of us are equipped to deal with this situation."

"We weren't exactly equipped to deal with _my _situation either," Remus said with a wry smile, "but we managed to figure it out."

James grinned back, "Obviously it's because there's nothing the Marauders can't handle."

Early the next morning, the Gryffindors had Care of Magical Creatures with the Slytherins. Professor Kettleburn announced that they were about to embark on a month long project; raising a kneazle. He then added insult to injury by declaring that he was going to be pairing them up. This remark was nearly met with a revolt as the students whined about not being able to work with their friends.

"Potter and Pettigrew. Lupin and Snape."

James and Sirius tried not to snicker at Remus' misfortunte, but couldn't help themselves.

"Evans and Black."

At this Remus laughed out loud; James' face had turned bright red in jealousy.

Lily chose this moment to walk over to the group and collect her partner, "Let's go! I want to get started right away!" She grabbed Sirius' wrist and began to pull him over to the professor to collect their baby kneazle. She picked up a small gray one and cuddled it close to her. Sirius and Lily rejoined the Marauders, now joined by Snape who was looking extremely unhappy. Sirius plopped down on the ground next to James, and Lily sat between Sirius and Snape. They had formed an odd little circle on the ground.

"This is the worst day of my life," James mumbled, playing absent-mindedly with his own black kneazle, "I'm going to name this thing Sirius, because it is sure to be a giant annoyance."

Sirius chuckled, "Cheer up, Prongs. And name it something different. I don't want to share my name."

"Come here, little Sirius!" James called to the kneazle. Sirius rolled his eyes.

"What shall we call ours, Sirius? She's so pretty!" Lily gushed.

"That's a he, actually," Sirius corrected her, "And I think you should name him, milady."

Lily beamed at him; James glared at him. "That's so nice of you."

"Nice is a good word to describe Sirius with." James said sarcastically. Lily shot him a dirty look.

"Shove off, Potter." Sirius replied with a smile.

"Oh, I wasn't talking to you. I was talking to the other Sirius," James fired back, brandishing his kneazle at the real Sirius, "I like him much better than you already."

"I've decided," Lily announced, to no one in particular, "His name is Claws Evans-Black."

"Evans-Black!" James spluttered. Sirius disguised his snort as a cough.

"Of course." Lily responded, enjoying James' tantrum as much as Sirius was, "It's like we're married and this is our baby."

James looked as though his head would explode at any minute, "You are never marrying Sirius. And I am _not _married to Peter."

"For Merlin's sake I was only joking." Lily said, rolling her eyes, "It's just a kneazle, Potter, no need to get so upset."

"I'm not upset." James replied through gritted teeth.

"I think his last name should be Blevans. Or Evack." Sirius chimed in unexpectedly.

"No, I like Evans-Black best." Lily said.

Sirius shrugged his shoulders, "Your call, Mrs. Evans-Black."

"Oh, you're such a dear, husband." Lily simpered, clinging to Sirius' arm.

This proved too much for James to handle. He passed his kneazle to Peter and tackled Sirius. Sirius laughed and pushed James away from him.

"Sirius, attack!" James demanded of the kneazle. It looked back at him, uncomprehendingly.

"Quiet, James, you're disturbing Claws." Lily scolded him, hugging her kneazle.

"He disturbs everyone." Sirius said with a self-satisfied smirk on his face.

The class ended and the Marauders began to walk back toward the castle.

"I cannot _believe _you get to work with Lily! It's so unfair!" James cried as they walked up to the castle for lunch.

"At least you aren't stuck with Snape," Sirius responded, "sorry about that, Moony."

Remus looked upset but didn't say anything.

Peter snickered a little, "Imagine in Prongs was with Snivellus!"

"That would have made my day," Sirius laughed, "I guess no one can have it all."

"Haha," James said sarcastically, "that would have been a nightmare for everyone involved."

As they walked toward the Great Hall, Sirius saw someone who was sure to ruin his good mood. Lucius Malfoy was speaking to Slughorn casually next to the hourglasses that measured the House points.

"What in the name of Merlin is _he _doing here?" Sirius demanded, "He graduated!"

"I don't know," Remus replied, "Maybe he's going to work at the school?"

"I hope not." James said, throwing Malfoy a suspicious look.

They passed him silently, but Malfoy saw them anyway and threw Sirius a malevolent look. Sirius turned away from him, feeling a small trickle of fear. If Malfoy was going to be hanging around, Sirius couldn't relax at all. He'd love to catch Sirius out and tell on him to his father, who would promptly tell Orion. Or he might just decide to blackmail Sirius for his silence. Sirius couldn't decide which outcome would be worse.

"Sirius!" Sirius was pulled out of his own thoughts by a loud familiar voice and a childish tugging on his arm. It was Regulus. "Stop avoiding me! I just want to talk to you!"

Sirius shook off his brother and replied, "Is someone dead?"

"Stop saying that!"

"Regulus, let me make this perfectly clear. Unless someone dies, there is no reason for us to speak. Ever."

"Please. I know you're coming home for Christmas. Father told me. You can't ignore me then."

"Fair point. I'll talk to you at Christmas. Bye, now."

"Sirius!" Regulus whined, sounding a lot more like past ten-year old Regulus, rather than the current fifteen-year old Regulus.

"Oh for Merlin's sake, fine!" Sirius snapped, "What do you want?"

Regulus said nothing, looking around at the Marauders, "Can't I talk to you alone?"

"Sirius will just tell us everything that you say anyway." James said triumphantly.

"I'm not addressing you, blood-traitor." Regulus responded coldly, "You've caused my family enough trouble."

"_I've _caused your fami—" James began, outraged, but Remus interrupted him, "Just let it go, Prongs."

"No. I want to know what my terrible family has done to the poor, unfortunate Blacks."

"Don't insult my family, if you know what's good for you." Regulus snarled, sounding remarkably like his father.

"I'll say whatever I want about a bunch of silver-spooned, corrupt, inbred, cruel, unbalanced pure-bloodist _lunatics_!" James snapped back with fury.

Remus opened his mouth to point out to James that this comment was just as insulting to Sirius as it was to Regulus, but before he got the chance Regulus tackled James to the ground. They rolled around on the ground throwing punches at each other, until Sirius grabbed Regulus from behind and tried to lift him off the ground. Regulus struggled mightily and Sirius tried to drag him away from James, but James was having none of it. He punched Regulus in the jaw, and Regulus broke away from Sirius and leapt on James, grasping his throat. As James began gasping for breath, Sirius decided enough was enough. He pulled out his wand and yelled, "_IMPENDIMENTA!_"

Both James and Regulus were blasted off the ground away from each other. Sirius jumped in between them, and as he did so the teachers finally arrived. McGonnagel and Slughorn were the first on the scene, Lucius Malfoy following close behind.

"What in the world is going on here?" Slughorn demanded.

"Potter insulted my family!" Regulus cried, and he looked at Sirius, "You should be on my side. They're your family too!"

"They aren't his family!" James yelled back at Regulus, "He doesn't need any of you. He deserves better than the likes of you."

"Sirius!" They both yelled at him, expecting him to back them up. Sirius opened his mouth to respond, unsure of what he was going to say.

"ENOUGH!" McGonnagel interrupted. "Thirty points from Gryffindor, Potter. Slytherin, too, Black. I don't know what this is about, and I don't care either. Work it out amongst yourselves, _not _by brawling in the corridors."

The spell wore off and both boys got to their feet. James walked over to Sirius and said, "Come on, Padfoot, let's go."

"Sirius!" Regulus called, looking at his brother with pleading eyes.

Sirius sighed and wished he could disappear on the spot. "Just a minute, Prongs, okay?" James huffed and stormed off, the other Marauders in tow. Sirius felt his stomach clench nervously, but he knew James would forgive him, and he had already agreed to talk to Regulus. His brother smiled so wide, Sirius couldn't help but give a little half smile back. He hadn't seen Regulus smile like that in a while.

"I knew you'd choose me," Regulus breathed, "I knew you were still the Sirius I knew. My big brother."

Sirius sighed again. He didn't know what Sirius he was. He wasn't sure if he _was _Regulus' Sirius. Or Orion's. Or Walburga's. Or James' or Remus' or anyone else's. He had been so many different Sirius' in his life that he no longer had any idea which Sirius was the real one.

"I wanted to talk to you about coming home for Christmas. Does this mean you're moving back in? Things are going to be back to normal now, right?"

Sirius looked into his brother's hopeful eyes and felt a pain in his chest. What was normal? Sirius knew. He would work tirelessly to jump through his family's hoops and get beaten every time he wasn't good enough. Which was always. He would never be good enough for his family.

"Regulus…things will never be back to normal. I'm grateful for that. I'm tired of pretending to be perfect and getting beaten when I'm not. I'm tired of waking up with bruises and broken bones and concussions. I'm tired of not being good enough. I need to okay with myself, and I can't do that with Mother and Father always telling me what a failure I am."

"They don't mean it." Regulus said dismissively, "You know that. Father brags to everyone about you. He tells everyone how brilliant you are."

"Everyone except me. The one person who needs to hear it."

"He's just trying to keep you in line! You always defy them and break the rules, just to prove you can. And then you get mad when they yell at you."

"Yelling I could handle."

"Come on, Sirius, you know that you…well…sometimes you ask for the other things. You know what Father will do to you if you misbehave, but you do it anyway!"

"Don't defend what he's done to me. What he's done to _you, _for crying out loud!"

"I'm not defending him. I'm just saying that maybe if you stayed…down…you wouldn't have as many beatings. Stop disagreeing with everything they say! I mean, you can have your own opinion, but you don't have to tell them when you know just what they'll do!"

Sirius felt his temper rising. Stay down. Sit. Be a good boy and you won't get beaten. "Right. Stay down. I'm tired of being treated like a dog by them and by you. I won't be silent against something I _know _is wrong because I'm afraid Daddy is going to cane me. I'm not a coward."

"Like me?"

Sirius just shrugged his shoulders, "You've chosen your way, I've chosen mine."

"What you do isn't brave, it's stupid. You know that as well as I do. What happened to you? Just stop acting the way you're acting and they'll stop resenting you! We could be a real family."

"What would be real about it? We'd all be faking."

Regulus looked at his brother sadly, "I just wish there was a way I could keep you from hating them."

"So you'd prefer that I hated myself?"

Regulus gave him a hard look, "There must be a way that—"

"No, Reg, there isn't. It has to be this way. I know you don't want to hear this, but things are never going to be normal in our family."

"We'll see how you feel after Christmas. Father isn't just going to let you walk out, you know." Regulus said triumphantly.

"Once I turn seventeen, he won't have a choice." Sirius replied evenly.

"Please. You think that magically, once you turn seventeen, you can just turn your back on your family and live alone?"

"That's exactly what I think."

"You're really naïve if you actually think that, Sirius. You know you can't just walk away from the Blacks."

"Don't threaten me, who do you think you're talking to?" Sirius snapped, losing patience, "you really are a mummy's boy, aren't you? For Merlin's sake, you sound just like them."

"I am _not _a mummy's boy!" Regulus said, his face turning crimson, "I'm trying to help you."

"Well, I don't need help. From you, or anybody else. I can handle things on my own. Just like I always have." Sirius decided this was a good ending line and walked away from his brother, who was still standing there, shaking his head.


	24. The Ring

__**Hello friends. To all my new readers, welcome! This chapter is for Droupy. Your reviews never fail to make me smile. Starting another story on...guess who? You know ;)**

**R**

_Someone was crying. Orion could hear it very distinctively. Walburga mumbled something indistinct, and Orion felt her push him in the shoulder. Yawning, he got up and followed the source of the crying. He didn't have to go very far to find it. Sirius was sitting up in his crib, wailing. Orion picked up the baby and held him close. Sirius clung to Orion's neck but his cries did not cease. _

_ "Shhhh…" Orion said softly, glancing at the clock. It was four in the morning, and, he realized with a jolt, his eighteenth birthday. How could he possibly feel so old when he was still a teenager?_

_ Sirius sobbed loudly, breaking Orion out of his reverie. He heaved a deep sigh and sat down on the armchair in Sirius' room._

_ "What's wrong, baby?" He asked in a whisper, and waited, as though expecting a response._

_ Sirius settled on Orion's lap and stared in his eyes. Orion was struck by how big and gray his son's eyes were. "Don't be sad, okay?"_

_ Sirius started crying again. "No no no…shh…shhh…why are you crying?" Orion let out a frustrated cry, "I wish I knew what you were thinking!"_

_ Sirius wailed louder._

_ "No…please…don't cry. I don't know what to do!" Orion tried to think about what his father would have done in this situation, but caught himself and let out a hollow laugh. He doubted his father ever held him. It was probably the nanny's job to comfort the children._

_ "I'm awful at this," Orion told Sirius, "I wish I could help you, but I can't." He felt overwhelmed. Working every day hours on end so people wouldn't think he was riding off his father's coattails for money. Getting up in the middle of the night because Sirius had nightmares that kept him up for hours. He had never known what it felt like to be exhausted before having a child. He closed his eyes to Sirius' cries, a few tears leaking out of them. Alphard had been right. He hadn't been ready for this. It had been nearly a year and Orion felt no more prepared to take care of Sirius than he had the day his son was born. _

_He wiped the tears off his cheeks, not noticing that Sirius had gone quiet until looking at him. Sirius gazed into his father's eyes and Orion swore he could understand what was happening. Had Sirius stopped crying when he had started? He was a perceptive child, alright. Sometimes Orion would glance at him and see a sparkle of intelligence in the boy's eyes, as if he already understood everything that was happening in the world around him. Sirius stuck a thumb in his mouth, used the other hand to grip the front of Orion's shirt and curled into a little ball on his father's lap. Orion blinked a couple of times, still not quite understanding what had happened. Within mere moments, Sirius was fast asleep, but Orion sat there for hours, lost in thought. It wasn't until early in the morning when Walburga shook his shoulder gently that he realized he had slept there._

Orion shook his head, as though trying to shake the memory away. He had been thinking about those days a lot lately and he didn't know why. They felt close to him, but he was nearing his mid-thirties and knew that soon, he would be getting old. He got up from the chair he had been sitting in in his office and walked over to a mirror on the wall. He was aging well; there was no doubt about that. He could probably still pass for being in his mid to late twenties and allowed himself a small smile. That was at least something to be grateful for. He ran his fingers through his black hair and glanced at the top of his desk. His eyes fell to the family photo on his desk and was chilled a little by how much Sirius resembled a younger version of himself. How could they be so similar, yet so different. _Although_, Orion thought fairly, _we weren't so different when I was his age. _He tried not to think of their last encounter, at the Ministry, but couldn't stop himself. Sirius had adopted such a hurt expression that made Orion feel like he had attacked something that had no way of defending itself. Not that Sirius was really anything like that. All he ever did was get into trouble and then act all indignant about being caught and punished. It was rather tiring, keeping up with him all the time. How he managed to stay at the top of his class, Orion had no idea.

When Orion was in school, his father would scream at him all the time for being a worthless idiot. The insult had a grain of truth; Orion often had a short attention span, was uninterested in classes, and in general, wasn't very bright. It took him much longer to understand things his classmates grasped early on. His father had hardly been able to stand it. Even Alphard had teased him about it, always stopping short of something hurtful, but still knocking on his head every once in a while and asking if anyone was home. He was rather lucky to have such good looks, as he was constantly reminded about from everybody. People tend to forgive stupidity if you were handsome enough. Orion may not have been smart, but he was the best looking in his family. Even his brothers could hold a candle to him. He had the palest porcelain skin, thick, smooth coal colored hair, bright silver eyes and a dazzling smile. Alphard had called him a "pretty boy" all the time, and it didn't bother him at all. His good looks had been one of the only things he could be justified for being proud of.

"_Hey, Orion, what're five fives?" Alphard had asked jokingly._

"_Ten." Orion replied without thinking._

_Alphard and Charles Potter roared with laughter for a full minute before Orion realized he was the butt of the joke._

"_Twenty-five!" He jumped up, yelling, "I meant twenty-five!"_

_Alphard was holding his stomach and Orion felt his face turning red, "For Merlin's sake little brother, if I shouted in one of your ears, I bet I could hear my voice echoing out the other."_

"_Man, there is _nothing _going on up there, is there?" Charles had choked out._

"_Shut up!" Orion snapped, his face burning, "I'm not stupid, I just made a mistake!"_

"_If you spent half as much time _thinking _as you did looking in a mirror, you'd be smarter than the both of us combined." Alphard said, still snickering._

_Charles laughed even harder at this, but Alphard's smile fell at the look on Orion's face. His little brother looked like he was holding back tears. Alphard's stomach sunk guiltily, looking at the fourteen year old. The joke had sounded much meaner out loud than it had in his head. In fact, it sounded like something their father would have said. He opened his mouth to apologize, but Orion turned and stormed away before he could get a word out. Alphard called out to him, but it was too late. The damage had been done._

Alphard hadn't mentioned the incident again, knowing it had hurt his brother's feelings, but Charles had never let it go. No matter what they were talking about, if Orion and Charles got into an argument, sometimes Charles would smirk and say, "five fives" knowing it would cause Orion to explode with anger. In fact, to this day Orion felt Charles poking fun at his intelligence. They had corresponded several times during work and Orion could see the sneaky look cross the man's face and knew he was trying not to say "five fives." It was an old wound, and Orion knew he shouldn't be bothered by it anymore, but sometimes it just dug at him. He hated being called stupid.

"Can you believe Padfoot chose Regulus over _me_?" James demanded of his Marauders as he stormed into the Great Hall.

"Just let it go, Prongs," Peter replied, "You can't come first all the time." He added in a barely audible mutter.

James heard him well enough to snarl, "What was that, Worm?"

"Nothing." Peter said, reddening.

"James, would you relax?" Remus snapped at him, "If you understood anything at all, you'd know that Sirius choosing to talk to Regulus over stomping off with you is a good thing. You don't always side with your family because you know that if you make a mistake, they'll forgive you no matter what. Sirius chose Regulus because he knows you'll forgive him, but he doesn't know if Regulus would forgive him for siding with you. That says it all. Clearly, he sees you as family more than he does Regulus."

James looked at him blankly for a minute before smiling smugly, "I knew he'd choose me."

Remus rolled his eyes and decided to do the mature thing and not respond. Sirius walked in a few minutes after the Marauders started eating. James opened his mouth to snap at his friend but Remus cut him off, wanting to avoid an argument between them

"What did Regulus want?"

"Nothing, really. He was just trying to convince me to stay at home after I turn seventeen. Like that'll ever happen."

"I think he misses you." Remus suggested gently.

"Yeah, sure he does. That's why he always stands by silently whenever I'm at home and they're torturing me."

No one had to ask who "they" were.

Remus considered his next statement carefully, "Even though you're angry with them…you should consider that Regulus is young and is just trying to please your parents. You shouldn't be so hard on him. I think you…" He trailed off on the murderous look that now decorated Sirius' face.

"Oh, please, continue," Sirius practically snarled, "Since you know about it so much more than I do."

"Padfoot, I didn't mean to…"

Sirius got up and stormed out of the room dramatically, something he was making quite a habit of. James leapt up to follow him, but Sirius brushed him off. James sat back down dejectedly.

"I didn't mean to…" Remus said again and James waved him off.

"He knows you didn't," James said, "he's just…well…I don't know…we'll just have to be patient with him."

It was a very mature thing to say and Remus looked at James, impressed. Perhaps the Marauders were growing up, after all. He rejected this thought a minute later when James got distracted by Lily Evans for the millionth time.

"Do you think he'll stay mad?" Peter piped up, "Only the full moon is tomorrow."

"Padfoot wouldn't miss that," James said declaratorily, "he never stays angry. He'll be fine in a couple of hours."

The Marauders headed towards Potions with the Slytherins. It was terrible luck, James thought to himself angrily, to have Potions with the Slytherins two days in a row. At least he had Sirius to help him…or did he? James hoped Sirius would be in a better mood, because he knew he'd never be able to make a successful potion alone.

He was in luck. Sirius was standing casually outside the dungeons among the other students. He smiled at the Marauders, the dispute at lunch apparently forgotten.

"We're making Veritaserum today!" Sirius said with much more excitement than James thought was ever necessary for schoolwork.

"Yay!" James mimicked him, throwing his arms up in mock celebration. They walked into the dark classroom, and James plopped down in the seat next to Sirius. He elbowed his friend, trying to bring his attention to the presence of Lily Evans, but Sirius ignored him, listening to Slughorn's instructions as if he were in a trance.

"I really really want to get this right." Sirius told James, mixing ingredients together meticulously.

"You really really want to get everything right." James said jokingly.

Sirius smiled, but continued to concentrate on his potion. He muttered to himself as he stirred, and shot James a dirty look when he offered to help, as if it was James' fault he was pants at Potions. Within a half hour, he had created a clear liquid that James was sure was Veritaserum. Slughorn boomed about how gifted Sirius was, but as soon as he turned his back Sirius pulled out a small flask and decanted some of his potion into it. James stared at him.

"What?" Sirius asked, "It might come in handy."

James grinned and nodded in agreement. Sirius pocketed the flask, feeling his fingers touch something cool and unfamiliar. He pulled it out. It was a beautiful platinum ring engraved with the Black crest and topped with a gorgeous red stone Sirius couldn't remember the name of. His mind briefly flashed back to that day in the Gringotts vault. He had piled treasures into a bag, but pocketed a ring. These robes must have been the ones he was wearing on that day. He held the ring in his hand, watching in flash in the light. He discreetly pulled a silver chain up from under his shirt and put the ring on it, among the other tokens around his neck. It didn't mean anything, he just liked the ring. At least that was what he told himself as he felt the cool metal brush his skin.


	25. The Mistake

James and Remus often complained that Divination was a useless class, but Sirius generally enjoyed it. He liked the idea of knowing the future and he was well-practiced in reading the stars. If there was one thing every Black was an expert on, it was the stars. Sirius could look up in the sky and name almost every constellation he saw. Sixth year Divination began late at night for the students to study the stars and make predictions. James grumbled something about not being in the mood to make things up but Sirius ignored him, taking in a deep breath of fresh night air. Their new professor was an oddly dressed young woman with a light, breathy voice and very large eyeglasses.

"Welcome, my dears." Professor Trewlany began, "Please…raise your eyes to the heavens"

Sirius readily obeyed, picking out a couple of constellations at first glance. His eyes immediately jumped to his own namesake, twinkling in the night sky, shining brighter than all the other stars around it. His gaze wandered to a familiar towering constellation. His fingers traced the pattern of three stars of the seemingly ever-present constellation as he thought of the man named after it. _Orion the hunter_.

"Who can tell me what the presence of Rigel and Canis Major signifies?"

"Conflict." Sirius answered without raising his hand. He smiled a little to himself at the irony of this declaration; the presence of his and his father's namesakes in the sky represented conflict. What a surprise. Rigel hovered around the bottom of Orion's constellation and Sirius shone brighter than all its surrounding stars in Canis Major.

"Correct." She smiled mysteriously at him and began monologuing about the different stars in the sky and what they meant. Sirius tuned out her voice; he didn't need any sort of help with this. He let his eyes drift across the sky, tracing the lines in the constellations and thinking about the people in his family who shared their names. Carina, born a squib and cast out of the house by her parents at age eleven. Proof that there _was _something worse than being a Gryffindor. Archturus, who married his first cousin. Typical Black behavior. Delphinus, infamous for using an Unforgivable curse on a muggle and getting let off. Not that it was such a surprise. It was the Black Golden Rule, as Sirius liked to call it. If you've got the gold, you make the rules. A few short years ago, Sirius had brought up this over dinner.

_"How come Uncle Delphinus got off for hurting that muggle?"_

_ Breaking the silence during a family meal was never a good idea, but Sirius usually did it anyway. He felt strange sitting there in silence and sometimes he liked to pretend that they were the kind of family that could have a simple discussion over their lineage. Orion looked over at him wearily, but answered anyway._

_ "The court found that he was not guilty." Orion responded evasively._

_ "But he did it."_

_ "Well, they didn't see it that way. He had a good defense…so he got off."_

_ "What defense? Money? Merlin, that makes me sick."_

_ "What?" Orion snapped._

_ "Why should someone be above the law just because they're rich? That isn't right. What about justice? What about that woman's family? She may never be the same."_

_ Orion rolled his eyes and chose not to respond, but Sirius decided he didn't want to let the matter drop. He decided to attack in another way._

_"Why STARS?"_

_ "What do you mean?"_

_ "Why are we all named after stars?"_

_ "It's tradition." Walburga said proudly._

_ "Nobody is called Sirius."_

_ "You are," Orion replied simply, "Wouldn't you rather have a name only you have than one a hundred other people have?"_

_ This was a fair point Sirius had to concede and he nodded slowly. "I think it makes us look…strange."_

_ "We aren't strange," snapped Walburga, "we're better."_

_ "Do you really believe that?" Sirius asked, his tone dripping with sarcasm._

_ "Watch it." Orion warned and Sirius tried to rearrange his face so that he looked less doubtful of Walburga's claim._

_ "Of course I believe that, and you should as well," Walburga replied smugly, "we're one of the oldest, most pureblooded families in the wizarding world. We are the greatest family in Britain. There is more magic in our family than there is in any other. You should be proud."_

_ "I'm trying," Sirius said, getting annoyed, "only it can be difficult when half of these purebloods are crazy people."_

_ Walburga gasped out loud, but Orion just took a swig of his drink and looked at Sirius as though he was trying to decide what to do with him_

_ "I mean, what do you call someone who tortures a defenseless muggle? What about parents who disown their child for being a Squib? People who decapitate house elves and mount their heads on the wall? Does this sound normal to you?"_

_ Walburga's face was turning red, a tell tale sign that she was about to start screaming at him, but Sirius was sick of their hypocrisy. It was so twisted to him. How could they even begin to judge other people?_

_ "Blood traitor!" she shrieked, a predictable beginning. They were both on their feet now, though Sirius couldn't remember ever standing up, "You dare accuse our family when you sit there, bathed in luxury your entire life. You are fifteen, you are a child…"_

_ "I'm a child? Really? I'm ready for marriage soon if I go by yours and Father's example." Sirius yelled back._

_ "Shut your mouth!"_

_ "Here's a math problem for you, _Mother. _If two seventeen year olds get married, but have a kid less than two months later, what does that add up to?"_

_ Orion finally got up, and in one fluid motion grabbed Sirius by his collar and slammed him up against the wall, "You will not speak to your mother like that again, you little bastard."_

_ Sirius smiled triumphantly, "Yeah. That's what I thought it added up to as well."_

_ Orion put one hand on Sirius' shoulder, gently holding him in place, and used the other to deliver a vicious backhand. Sirius felt his face snap to the side and Orion used his free hand to hold it there, squeezing Sirius' cheeks and whispering in his ear. "You're right. And you want to know something else? You're the biggest mistake I ever made. In my entire fucking life." His words were slurred and Sirius could smell the whiskey on his breath, "I could have had it all. You. Ruined. Everything."_

_ Orion shoved Sirius away from him and grumbled at him to go to his room. Walburga walked over to her husband and put her arms around his waist. Sirius walked out the door and turned back once more._

_ "Greatest family in Britain? How do you even look in the mirror?"_

He was the biggest mistake Orion had ever made? It was those kinds of comments that sounded like they would tear Sirius up inside, but Sirius hardly cared at all. It wasn't his fault for being born, and he sure as hell wasn't going to apologize for it. He remembered asking his uncle about why Orion said such terrible things, and his uncle had responded with a surprising answer.

_"You must remember he doesn't mean that, Sirius."_

_ "I'm pretty sure he meant it," Sirius had replied nonchalantly, "not that I care. He's the worst thing to ever happen to me as well."_

_ "You've got an uphill battle, kid." Alphard said sadly._

_ "How d'you mean?"_

_ "When we were younger my father told Orion that someday he would be a father and that when that day came, his only wish was for Orion to have a kid exactly like himself, only ten times worse."_

_ Sirius wrinkled his nose, "What's that supposed to mean?"_

_ "I know you don't want to hear this, but you two are actually frighteningly alike. When he was at Hogwarts, he couldn't be bothered to follow all the rules, either. But he was different than you; sometimes he purposefully got caught."_

_ "Why would he do that?"_

_ "Well, it was quite fun for him. He was extremely charming and could get himself out of punishment effortlessly. Eventually, the staff caught on and stopped believing him, but sometimes he was still inexplicably able to wriggle his way out."_

_ "Hmpf," Sirius grunted, "I can't believe he busts my arse all the time for breaking the rules when he did the exact same thing."_

_ "He used to do it to get our father's attention. It's difficult, being the third son. Your parents already have an heir, and a backup heir, so you have the tendency to fade into the background."_

_ "Did it work?"_

_ Alphard shrugged, "It did and it didn't. I usually tried to prevent it from working. The kind of attention Orion was getting was certainly not the kind he was looking for. My father is a very cruel man. He could be merciless."_

_ "I think I know what that's like." Sirius mumbled._

_ Alphard smiled in a grim sort of way, "You were good for him, you know. At least in the beginning. It's difficult to raise a child, especially when you're as young as he was, but he really grew into it. But it all went south, not that I have to tell you that."_

_ "But why? What went wrong?"_

_ "A lot of things, in quick succession. There was—"_

_ "What the hell are you two doing in here?" Orion exploded into the room, as was his habit._

_ "We were just talking. Relax, Orion." Alphard said calmly._

_ "Yeah, relax, Orion." Sirius mumbled without thinking._

_ Orion turned his murderous stare to Sirius, who dropped his eyes to the ground and tried to look as though he regretted it, which was difficult since Alphard was chuckling at him._

_ "I'll deal with you later." Orion said through clenched teeth._

_ "Oh, would you leave him alone?" Alphard butted in._

_ "And I'll thank _you_ to stay out of it." Orion snapped._

_ Alphard sighed and shook his head, walking over to his nephew, "You're a good kid. Don't let anyone change that. Especially not that one." He jerked his head toward Orion, who was looking murderous again. Alphard gave Sirius a hug and strolled casually toward the door._

_ "I won't. Good always wins in the end." Sirius said, and Alphard grinned, "That's right. Come see me anytime, alright?"_

_ Sirius wanted to go with him right now, but refrained from saying so and just nodded._

_ "Walk me out, little brother." Alphard commanded and Orion followed him out the door. Sirius used this precious distraction to run up to his room and lock the door, hoping his father wouldn't come upstairs to yell at him._

"PADFOOT!"

The sound of a familiar voice broke Sirius out of his daydream. He sat up and looked around. Everyone else had gone. Only the Marauders remained, one man down.

"Divination is over," James explained, sticking out a hand, "can you please get up so we can go now?"

Sirius took James' had and allowed himself to be yanked onto his feet.

"Where's Remus?"

"Bloody hell," James replied, "what is with you today? It's the full moon, see? We have to get down to the Shack!"

"Calm down, Bambi, and let's go." Sirius turned toward the direction of the Whomping Willow and James and Peter followed him as the distinct sound of a wolf howling surrounded them.


	26. The Murder

**Don't hate me.**

**I know it's been forever, I am sorry. I'm at school and things have really been piling up. I know this chapter isn't as long as you my dear reviewers deserve, but I promise to try and do better next time. Thanks for the magnificent reviews. **

**3**

**R**

**P.S. Stay with me. Things are about to heat up :)**

It was always difficult at first. The wolf could be difficult to calm down when it first emerged. This was clearly going to be one of those nights. The wolf started off toward Prongs, but Padfoot intercepted him, head butting him gently. The wolf didn't respond favorably, swiping Padfoot across his stomach. Padfoot whined and backed away in time for Prongs to intervene, pushing against the wolf with his small antlers. After a few more minutes of rough housing, the wolf seemed to calm down a little and the four animals made their way to the Forbidden Forest slowly.

The Forest wasn't nearly as bad as everyone seemed to think. Sirius remembered countless times that his family members had warned him about the dangerous of going in the Forbidden Forest, but Sirius had been inside the Forest countless times. Lucius, especially, had enjoyed frightening young Sirius with stories about the goings-on inside the mysterious place.

_"Ever heard of the Forbidden Forest, Sirius?" Twelve-year-old Lucius had asked him smugly._

_ "Forbidden Forest?"_

_ "That's where they send bad little boys like you to get eaten."_

_ Sirius eyes' widened with fear, "I'm not bad!"_

_ "I heard your mum talking about sending you there. The last little boy that got sent to the Forest never came out! They say he was eaten by a werewolf!"_

_ "I don't believe you," Sirius argued stubbornly, "Parents don't do things like that."_

_ "Do too."_

_ "Do not."_

_ "Do too."_

_ "Do NOT!"_

_ "I bet your parents would do it to you. You'll see. One day when you're bad, you won't get spanked. They'll just take you to the forest and leave you there!"_

_ "FATHER!"_

Not that any old memories mattered to Padfoot. He was too preoccupied with other things, besides he found the forest to be rather peaceful, and the werewolf had calmed down now that he wasn't under direct moonlight. Padfoot felt safe here. The animals ran deep into the forest, passing many different creatures along the way. Other than an uncomfortable encounter with the centaurs, Moony was dealing with his transformation extremely well. The four were chasing each other around playfully. Suddenly, Padfoot's dog-senses warned him that someone was approaching. He nudged Prongs who trotted past him to go investigate. He returned shortly, not having found anyone. Still, Padfoot was nervous. He was sure he had heard something. He was sure someone had been watching them.

Padfoot took a leap and landed as Sirius. They had left Remus in the Shrieking Shack because dawn was about to break and it was vital that they return to the castle before the sun came up. James and Peter struggled to keep up with Sirius brisk pace.

"Someone was there." Sirius said bluntly.

"What? No they weren't. I went and checked, remember?" James panted.

"I'm sure someone was there. I felt it."

"Well," James conceded, "even if there was someone there, they'd have no way of knowing that those animals were us, or that the werewolf was Remus. Don't worry about it."

Sirius nodded, but felt his stomach turn.

The three made it to the castle without a problem and headed into the Great Hall. Sirius poured himself an enormous cup of coffee and didn't even try to stifle his yawn. The days following these late nights with Moony were always exhausting. Sirius didn't know how he was going to stay awake in his classes, let alone that evening to do his homework. He just wanted to relax, but as usual, that wasn't an option.

"Padfoot, have you seen this?" Peter exclaimed suddenly, shoving the _Daily Prophet _in Sirius' face. Sirius was about to tell him off when he caught sight of the headline and almost spat out his coffee.

_"ELLADORA AND POLLUX BLACK FOUND DEAD; HOUSE BURNED TO THE GROUND"_

"Those are my grandparents on my mother's side," Sirius said in disbelief, "They're dead."

"Their house was _burned to the ground_?" James said, "Why?"

"More than that!" Peter squeaked, "It says here that they were _found in pieces_."

"_What_?"

Peter grabbed the paper and read, "_The two were found outside the house and had no burns to speak of. Pollux Black was hung from a cherry-blossom tree, cut open with innards spilling out. Elladora, however, had been chopped into little pieces, and…"_

"Wormtail, STOP," James interrupted, catching a glimpse of Sirius' face, "are you alright?"

"What does this mean?" Sirius asked fearfully, swallowing hard, "Who did this to them?"

James didn't know how to answer.

"I suppose I shouldn't be surprised," Sirius said casually, regaining his composure, "Did you know my great aunt Elladora was the first Black to behead a house elf and mount it on the wall? Merlin, she was terrifying. I remember, when I was younger, I would hide in my room whenever they came to visit."

"Did they have…enemies?" James asked cautiously.

Sirius laughed at this, "If you're a Black you always have enemies. I suppose that means being gruesomely murdered is an occupational hazard. What's interesting is that they weren't killed by magic. I wonder if they were killed by a mad muggle or something."

James and Peter didn't know how to respond, so Sirius went on.

"I guess it might have been another Black. That seems like it would be another family tradition. Well, I hope I don't have to miss school for their funeral. There is no way I would go. They were horrible the very few times I met them."

James and Peter still said nothing.

"Stop looking at me like you're waiting for me to cry or something. It's not going to happen. Come on, let's go to Transfiguration already."

The boys left the Hall and headed for McGonnagel's class when they were joined by Remus.

"Hey, Moony, how're you doing?" James asked.

"Okay…how are all of you?"

Sirius put a hand to his stomach where several vicious claw marks resided, "Fine."

They entered the classroom and Sirius sighed with relief that for once they weren't paired with the Slytherins. The Marauders sat down just ask McGonnagel entered. She greeted the class briskly and went got right down to business.

"Before we begin class, I have a brief announcement. Apparation classes for sixth-years will begin next week."

"Apparation? Wicked!" James whispered furiously to Sirius. "I've always wanted to learn how to apparate!"

Sirius nodded and James prodded him further, "Aren't you excited to learn how to apparate?"

Sirius shook his head, "No. I already know how."

"_What_? How? That's illegal!"

"My family doesn't think the law applies to them," Sirius whispered back, "My father taught me how a couple of years ago. It was awful."

_"This isn't working!" Sirius screamed in frustration._

_ "You aren't trying hard enough." Orion replied calmly._

_ "Yes I am!"_

_ "If you were, you would have done it by now." Orion responded, lighting a cigarette and bringing it to his lips. _

_ "Can't I just try again tomorrow?"_

_ "Tomorrow is no good to me, Sirius. You must do it today."_

_ "But why?"_

_ "Just do it."_

"_Maybe I can't 'just do it.'"_

"_You can and you will."_

"_I can't."_

"_Listen to yourself!" Orion snapped suddenly, "Do you think you're going to get anywhere in life with that attitude? 'I can't, I can't, I can't!' Watch this." Orion snapped his fingers and a Galleon appeared in thin air and dropped into his hand._

"_How did you do that?"_

"_Magic."_

"_But you didn't use your wand."_

_Orion grinned, "True wizards don't need a wand to do magic, son."_

"_Teach me how!"_

_Orion shook his head, "You are nowhere near ready."_

"_I am! I could do it!"_

"_No, you aren't. I'm going to let you in on the secret of my success. I'm going to tell you why I can do all these things that you can't. Do you want to know why?"_

_Sirius nodded eagerly._

"_I've never asked for a thing in my life. If I want something," Orion snapped his fingers again and another Galleon appeared, "I take it. For instance, I'm not _asking _you to apparate, I'm _telling _you to apparate. So do it. Once you stop _asking_ for things and _trying_ so hard, you'll can start _taking_ things and _doing_ whatever you want. Do you understand? The world is at your command. You just have to command it. Then I'll show you how to become a real wizard."_

_ Sirius stood, rooted to the spot, and tried with all of his might to make himself disappear and reappear a couple of feet away. He spun and sure enough…_

_ *CRACK*_

_ Sirius beamed, having apparated precisely where he'd wanted to. But he felt strangely off balance and fell over. It was only then he noticed his arm resting several feel away. He screamed at the realization that he now had only one arm attached._

_ "Oh, relax," Orion said casually, unmoved by the sight of his bleeding and panicking son, "I knew that would happen." Orion produced a small bottle and poured it onto the stump that was left of Sirius' arm. Sirius howled in agony. Orion reattached the arm to the body, pressing firmly and mumbling something and suddenly Sirius felt good as new. He tried moving his arm and it responded. He sat up and rubbed his shoulder, protecting his arm from further harm._

_ "I don't want to do this anymore." Sirius whimpered._

_ "That was much better," Orion said, "But you still doubt yourself. If you hadn't, you wouldn't have splinched. Next time, you must not _try _to apparate. You must do it."_

_ Sirius nodded silently, praying this lesson was over._

_ "Do it now. You're ready."_

_ Sirius realized that Orion wasn't going to let him go unless he apparated. He got to his fett, closed his eyes and spun._

_ *CRACK*_

_ Sirius reached for his right arm. It was still attached. He hadn't splinched. He looked at his father who was grinning and nodding._

_ "Good boy." Orion said and he dropped the two Galleons into Sirius' palm._

"POTTER! BLACK!"

"I was paying attention!" James cried defensively.

"Really? What was my last announcement?"

"Apparation." James answered proudly.

"Wrong, Potter, we stopped talking about apparation ten minutes ago! How about you, Black?"

Sirius shook his head.

"Kindly pay attention, boys! We are starting dueling lessons at the school for all who are interested. Given the current…situation, Professor Dumbledoe decided you all should learn how to duel, should you ever be in a situation where you must defend yourselves. Now, today we are starting non-verbal Vanishing charms…"

Dueling lessons? What did Dumbledore mean by that? Were they in danger? The headline of the _Daily Prophet _flashed through Sirius' mind and he felt a strange sense of foreboding. He knew the War that was going on had been devastating for both sides, but he had never had so strong a sense that they were about to become entangled with it.

He thought about what Regulus said about choosing sides. He had always felt that everything in his life could be divided into two categories. Good and evil. School and home. Family and friends. And, of course, he had always known without a doubt which side he belonged on. His family was evil and awful and terrible and cruel and he should just stay away from them forever…right? Everything had become more and more unclear. He didn't know who to believe or what to think. He knew they were awful. He knew that. So why did he feel a strange sense of loyalty to them? Why did he feel like everything he had always been so sure about was now shrouded in doubt. Which side did he really belong on?


	27. The Warning

**As always, many thanks to the reviewers. Sorry to keep you waiting!**

**R**

Remus was the only Marauder to have ever paid attention in History of Magic. Rather, Remus was one of the few students of all time to ever have paid attention in History of Magic. Peter almost always ended up asleep within the first twenty minutes. James and Sirius often passed notes back and forth for the entirety of the class. Remus , on the other hand, diligently took notes. It wasn't that he didn't find it painfully boring; he did. But he knew he needed notes to study for the exams and do well on the tests. He eyed Sirius testily. Sirius goofed off in every History of Magic class, but he always managed to ace the exams. How did he do that? Remus had asked him once. Sirius had explained that history was something he had been learning since he was born.

"_It's pretty important to the Blacks that everyone know every little thing they've ever done to impact magical history." Sirius had said with a grin._

"_What kinds of things?" Peter asked._

_Sirius gave him an odd look, "Ever heard of a little thing called Black Magic?"_

"_No…"_

"_Yes," Sirius smiled, "My great-great-great-great grandfather penned that term. He was an alchemist who specialized in deadly potions. He invented the Draught of the Living Death, you know."_

_James and Peter looked agape with surprise._

"_I knew that," Remus butted in, "And you two would too, if you _ever _paid attention in History of Magic—"_

"_Shut it, Moony." James dismissed him, "What else did he do?"_

"_According to the legend he sold his soul to the devil for beauty," Remus said, "so the devil gave him a potion that would keep him young and beautiful forever. That's why he was able to invent so many potions and that's why he lived so much longer than most wizards and witches of those days. It's said that he was so good looking, dozens of veela begged him to marry them. He refused, and one day they tore him to pieces out of anger and jealousy."_

"_Woah." Peter looked wide-eyed and afraid._

"_It's just an old story. We officially deny the 'sold his soul to the devil' part," Sirius grinned a little, "which means it's probably true."_

"_Sounds like a Black, hopelessly obsessed with his looks." James smirked and Sirius threw a pillow at him._

"_He doesn't seem quite the type for your family to brag about." Remus said reasonably._

_Sirius shrugged, "He did a lot for the magical community, so why wouldn't they? They don't deny Black Magic at all—they defend it. Even though it's awful and cruel and outlawed, it's still a huge, important branch of magic. My family likes their infamy; they capitalize on fear."_

Remus was temporarily distracted by the sounds of James and Sirius snickering over something they had created on a piece of parchment. It was a picture of Snape that had been transfigured to turn into a snake and back. Remus rolled his eyes and tried not to smile. They could be so immature sometimes. But Remus wouldn't change either of them for anything. They loosened him up; when he was with them he didn't worry about everything as was his nature.

The Marauders as a group had been through a lot together. Remus hoped that Sirius' family issues were just another bump in their friendship, but he had the feelings things were about to go very wrong. Sirius mood so far this year could only be described as unpredictable. He would switch from happy to sad to angry to despondent in the blink of an eye. Remus was still unclear on his friend's living situation. James had insisted that Sirius had left his family behind for good, but it sure didn't seem that way to Remus. Remus was worried; he didn't know what he could do for Sirius at this point. He also felt guilty; Sirius had always been there for Remus, and Remus had no idea how to be there for Sirius. He confided these worries to James, who was about as helpful as he usually was.

"Your hearts in the right place, Moony, but I think you just have to let him deal." James said authoritatively.

"How do you know that's the right thing to do?" Remus asked carefully, dissatisfied with this answer.

James shrugged, "How do any of us know, really? But what I do know is that he hates being babied and pitied. You know that too. Padfoot _hates _when people feel sorry for him."

"It's just…there has to be something we can do! At least about his parents…"

James gaze darkened, "I told you _never _to talk about that. Believe me, there's nothing we can do about it. He'll be out of there soon enough, anyway. He just has to ride it out."

"I don't think I can even _know _something like this and not do anything about it!"

"Well, you better!" James snapped, losing his temper, "Don't act like you know better than me, okay? You think you have to tell. I found out when I was _twelve. _You think I didn't want to tell? Every day I wanted to tell someone: my parents, Dumbledore, McGonnagel, _anyone. _But Sirius is my best friend and he asked, no, _begged, _me not to. And I reckon it's not my secret to tell. And if isn't mine, it sure as hell isn't yours, Remus. You need to respect his choice not to tell. He has a million reasons to keep quiet—"

"And a million more not to!" Remus fired back, "In the form of bruises and scars all over his body!"

"YOU DON'T KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT IT!" James shouted.

"I think you know you should have told a long time ago. You couldn't stand to betray Sirius' trust _even though _it would be in his best interest to do so, and you feel guilty about not being able to make that choice. So you told us so one of us could do it for you, and then you would get off scot-free."

"Don't you _dare _suggest that I—"

"What's going on in here?" Sirius entered the room and stared at his two friends. James and Remus both looked furious with one another. What had they been arguing about?

James and Remus said nothing.

Sirius turned to James, "What—"

"Nothing. I'm going to get something to eat. Do you want to come with me?"

Sirius looked at both of them again, but they showed no signs of wanting to explain their row, "Okay."

"Okay. I'll be out in just a second."

Sirius threw James a dirty look for dismissing him so curtly but he turned and walked away all the same.

James glared at Remus, "We are _not _discussing this anymore. I know I shouldn't have told you, but try to understand things from his perspective. How would you feel if I told the school your secret so that I could 'help' you?"

"That's not the same thing at all, and you know it." Remus said in a growl.

"It's exactly the same thing. Sirius trusted your decision about your secret; you should do the same for him."

Remus shook his head, "You think you know what you're doing, but you don't. You just don't."

James didn't respond; he turned on his heel and left the room. Sirius was waiting for him outside, looking bored and curious.

"What was that all about?" He demanded once his friend came into view.

"It was nothing." James responded.

"It didn't sound like nothing."

"Just leave it, Sirius."

"_Fine._" Sirius responded snappishly. They turned a corner and ran into the other Black.

"Sirius!" Regulus said in an unnaturally high voice, "I was looking for you!"

Sirius opened his mouth to ask if someone had died, but quickly closed it, as someone had. Regulus looked at him as though he knew exactly what Sirius had been about to say.

"Can I speak to you? _Alone_?" Regulus threw a distasteful look at James.

"Yeah, okay," Sirius turned to James, "just a minute, alright?"

James nodded slowly and Sirius and Regulus walked into an empty classroom.

"Have you heard about grand—"

"Of course I have," Sirius cut him off, "what of it?"

Regulus looked disarmed, "Something is happening. To _us._"

"What?"

"First Alphard, now—"

"Stop right there," Sirius interrupted again, "don't be so ridiculous. What, did Father tell you this?"

"Not in so many words, no, but—"

"In any words, you should know that he can't be trusted."

"WOULD YOU LET ME FINISH A GODDAMN SENTENCE?" Regulus yelled suddenly, "Someone is after the Blacks! This is _not _a coincidence. Listen, I was at home last weekend and I overheard Father talking in the Floo to someone. I don't know who it was, but he sounded frightened. _Our _Father. He sounded _frightened_. He was talking to someone about some owls he had gotten at the office. They were cursed; people are threatening us! And before I came back to school he told me to _make sure you were alright_. As if he was afraid something was going to happen to you!"

"How touching." Sirius said dryly.

"And after what happened to uncle Alphard and grandmother Ell—"

"What do you mean, 'what happened to uncle Alphard'? Do you know how he died?"

Regulus looked uncomfortable, "I'm not supposed to tell you…Father said you were emotionally unstable…"

"_Emotionally unstable_?!" Sirius spluttered with rage, "I'll show him unstable!"

"Give it a rest Sirius; obviously he's just worried about you. He's _trying _to protect you."

"He could protect me better by leaving me the hell alone." Sirius grumbled.

"Can't you cut him a break for once?"

"Tell me how uncle Alphard died, Regulus."

"Father was visiting him. When he got there, uncle Alphard's house was on fire! So Father ran inside to find him…and he did. Someone had _cut his heart out. _There was a huge hole in his chest. When Father saw it, he vomited on the spot."

It was difficult to imagine Orion having such a human reaction, but Sirius chose not to say so. He swallowed hard, not knowing how to respond to what he had just learned. Two houses burned to the ground? Was Regulus right? Was someone trying to knock off the Blacks? And why?

"Don't you understand why you have to stay with us now? We need to stick together! You won't be safe without us!"

Sirius' gaze hardened. Of course. Suddenly, it all became clear. "Nice try, Regulus," Sirius said, "you almost had me. I'm not moving back in. I suppose this is Father's brilliant plan to scare me back into submission, isn't it? I should have known."

"Everything I have just told you is true! Ask Father if you don't believe me."

"Because he is the picture of honesty and virtue."

" Stop pretending like you're thick. People don't _get their insides torn out _unless somebody is trying to send a message_. _Grandfather Pollux was hung outside his house for everyone to see! And Uncle Alphard! Who could possibly do something so awful to him?! He never hurt a fly!"

Sirius' stomach turned uneasily. "You may have a point. But you must already know that our family has a lot of enemies. There's nothing we can do about that. Hogwarts is supposed to be one of the safest places—"

"Hogwarts is," Regulus interrupted, "but not the Forbidden Forest."

Sirius felt cold. Was _Regulus _the one who had been in the trees? "I don't know what you're talking about."

"Are you sure? Father told me to tell you that." Regulus frowned, "What were you doing in the Forbidden Forest?"

Sirius swallowed. How much did Orion know? "I haven't been in the Forbidden Forest."

Regulus' eyes were wide with fear, "What if someone's after us?" he said in barely more than a whisper.

"Nobody's after us." Sirius reasoned to himself and his brother. He put an arm around Regulus' shoulders and for a minute, they were kids again. He felt like he was Regulus' big brother again, protecting him from the world outside.

"How can you be sure?"

"I can't. But I know we're safe here."

He hoped they were. If Hogwarts wasn't safe, where would he run?


	28. The Secret

Anyone who didn't know Sirius the way James did would be astounded by the way he could keep his composure after learning that he had lost yet another couple of relatives. He ignored people's condolences, looks of pity and even the Slytherins' jeers and veiled threats. He would always respond with a demure, what-can-you-do? smile when a girl said how very sorry she was that he had lost his grandparents. And when Snape mimed being hung by his tie, he just rolled his eyes and looked away. Now and again, he shot a hex at Snape, but nobody's perfect. James knew that Sirius was well versed in hiding his emotions, and he was almost always moody, but lately Sirius had reached near Jekyll-and-Hyde proportions with his mood swings. He would act wild and crazy and normal during the day surrounded by his classmates, but once he was on his own, or just around the Marauders, he would grow sullen and angry or sad and despondent. He would snap at them for the smallest things and storm off on his own.

And he was as elusive as ever. If James even began to mention that Sirius was acting oddly to his friend, Sirius would jump on the defensive and accuse James of being the one acting crazy.

"I never said you were crazy," James would respond calmly, "I was just wondering if there was anything bothering you."

"Obviously you think I'm crazy," Sirius snapped, "Otherwise you wouldn't keep asking me that. What do you want me to do? My grandparents are dead. They were cruel. I'm not going to cry, or scream, or freak out or even pretend like I knew them at all. Leave it alone."

James threw up his arms in defeat and walked away, not because he was angry, but because Sirius was clearly gearing up for a fight and he just didn't want to deal with it. Truth be told, things had never been worse between himself and Sirius. Not even after "the incident." Sure, things had been bad then but they had gotten over it rather quickly, and even in those days James had been able to understand what his friend was feeling. Lately, Sirius was much more enigmatic than usual and it was almost impossible to tell what he was thinking and what would get under his skin. This was understandably frustrating for James who was used to always being on the same page with his best friend.

Caught up in his thought, James turned a corner sharply and ran into Lily Evans.

"Oh…sorry Evans," James said distractedly, "Are you hurt?"

"No, I'm fine."

"Good." James walked past her.

"Potter!" She called him back.

"What?"

"Are you alright?"

"What do you mean?"

"You look…off. And you barely said five words to me."

"Oh…well, it's Sirius," James had the distinct impression that telling her any more than this would be a serious mistake, but he needed to talk to _someone _and he knew he could trust Lily, "He's been so unpredictable lately. More so than usual, I mean. I think something's bothering him and he won't tell me what."

"Is it…I mean, about his grandparents dying? Maybe he should go home and visit his family…"

"No, he would never do that. He's too afraid of—" James clamped his mouth shut, knowing instantly that he had said too much. He swallowed and was overcome with guilt. Why couldn't he just keep his mouth shut?

"Afraid of what?" Lily asked, her eyes narrowing, "Or…afraid of who?"

"I have to go." James practically ran from her and didn't stop when he heard her call his name. She was dangerously close to the truth and James knew that if he had stayed, his face would have given it all away. He wanted to scream in frustration. Why was this happening? What was wrong with him? He could only hope she would let it drop…

It was that very evening that James got annoyed enough with Sirius to corner him. Schoolwork. Sirius had never cared about schoolwork. Well, that wasn't exactly true. He had always been at the top of their class, seemingly without effort. He worked hard, but he was relaxed about it. He had never really _cared _that he was at the top; he did it because he could, and of course, so he could rub it in the faces of all his Slytherin cousins. This year was different. He was taking numerous difficult classes and took his school work very seriously. Lately, whenever he was working on homework, he would be short and irritable with anyone who tried to interrupt him. Once James had had the gall to suggest he took a break and had nearly gotten his head bitten off.

"Can any of you remember the name of the wizard who invented the Imperius curse?" He had demanded of the Marauders one night in the common room.

"No idea," James had responded, "What are you doing, talking about him in that essay? What's he have to do with the history of Azkaban?"

"The Imperius curse was the first spell that could land a witch or wizard a life sentence in Azkaban," Sirius had responded swiftly, sounding like a textbook, "_obviously._" He added under his breath.

"I still don't really see how that's relevant," James said casually, ignoring his friend's tone, "the essay is about the history of the prison, not about prison sentences. And even if you talk about sentences, why would you need the name of the creator of the Imperius curse? I think you're including more than you have to, Padfoot."

"Alright then, I guess I'll just do the minimum and hope for the best," Sirius replied sarcastically, "how am I supposed to stay on top if I forget crucial details like this?" he mumbled, more to himself than to the others.

"It wouldn't kill you to take a break, you know," James suggested, "the world might just keep on spinning, even if Sirius Black wasn't the very best at every little thing."

"Now more than ever, I _have_ to be the best," Sirius muttered, not hearing James, "I must not stop, not even for a moment."

"Why?"

Sirius leapt to his feet and slammed his book down on the table, "Because, if I falter now everyone will think that I was only the best because of my family! They'll think I need my family to succeed. I have to prove to everyone, _especially _my family, that I don't need them to be the best. I'm the best on my own. Everyone needs to see it."

"Would you relax?" James snapped at him, losing patience, "No one thinks like that."

"_Everyone _thinks like that!"

"Even if they did, why should you care? For Merlin's sake, the Sirius I know wouldn't give two fucks what everyone thought of him. _Especially _his family."

"This isn't the same thing," Sirius said through gritted teeth, "I don't want their approval. I want them to see that I don't need them to be the best. That I can do it on my own."

"If you want to prove that you don't need them: don't go home for Christmas, and stop obsessing about the things they trained you to obsess about."

Sirius threw James a filthy look but didn't respond until he burst out, "Phillips! That was his name! _Stupid!_"

Even though the Marauders were more than familiar with Sirius' tendency to call himself names when he made a mistake, it still irritated James immensely.

"Forgetting one thing for two minutes doesn't make you stupid," James mumbled before he could stop himself, "they sure did a number on you."

Sirius walked away and didn't look back.

James chased him outside in the hallway, more out of habit than anything else.

"Sirius, _what _is going on with you?!"

Sirius turned to look at him and James was shocked that his best friend's eyes were wide with fear.

"What if Regulus is right? What if someone's after us? After _me_?"

"Nobody is after you," James replied, hardly believing the words himself. He didn't exactly think it was a coincidence, the proximity of the all the Blacks' deaths, "I don't know what Regulus planted in your mind, but, honestly, who would come after you? You're sixteen, and you don't even get on with the Blacks. If someone's after your _family_, I think you'd be the least likely person they would attack. You're nothing like them."

Sirius nodded slowly, looking unconvinced, "Yes. Yes, I suppose you're right. I'm nothing like them. It's nothing to worry about. I shouldn't have bothered you."

James refrained from rolling his eyes, "It's okay to be afraid—"

"I'm _not _afraid." Sirius cut across him, angrily, "I'm not afraid of anything."

"—and I'm never _bothered _by you talking to me about stuff like this," James continued as though he hadn't been interrupted, "you don't have to pretend with me, you know."

Sirius sighed, and it appeared as though all of his energy had left him, "I know. I'm sorry. I _am _afraid. And I feel like I'm always putting on an act for everyone. Sometimes it can be tiring, you know…"

"You never have to put on an act with the Marauders. We're your friends."

A strange, closed look crossed Sirius' face. It passed so quickly, but James was sure he'd seen it, though he had no idea what it meant, "You do trust us, don't you?"

"I trust you." Sirius responded slowly.

"All of us?"

Sirius blinked and put on a smile so fake James was sure anyone could see through it, "Of course."

"Sirius, what is going on?" James asked, frustrated.

"You tell me." He responded so coolly, James felt with a thrill of terror that he knew James had betrayed his secret. But he changed the subject immediately, and James knew there was nothing behind his comment.

"As much as I hate to admit it, I want to write my father. He must know what is happening here."

"I'm not sure that's a great idea, Padfoot. How do you know he can be trusted?"

"He can't, but he's the best I've got if I want even a hint as to what's happened to the Blacks. At the very least, I'll know if anyone's taken a shot at him yet."

"Wouldn't that be in the paper?"

"Yes, but Regulus told me he was getting cursed owls. I'm hoping they aren't from the same person who killed my relatives." Sirius halted and shook his head vigoursly, as if he was trying to shake a thought away from his mind, "Listen to me! There's no proof that Alphard and my grandparents were even killed by the same person! I sound like Regulus."

"Maybe you just shouldn't think about it."

"I can't _not _think about it," Sirius rubbed his neck, "It's all I've been thinking about. I even dream about it."

"Dream about it?"

"I had a dream that I was locked in my house, and it was burning to the ground," Sirius said, swallowing, "Something is going to happen, isn't it?"

"Hogwarts is safe." James said authoritatively.

Sirius nodded, looking unconvinced, "I think I might go up to bed now. My head is starting to hurt."

"Okay." James watched Sirius walk away and sat down on the ground, lost in his thoughts.

It was late. Remus, Peter and Lily were talking in hushed voices in the common room which had emptied out hours ago. Sirius was the topic of conversation, as he often was nowadays.

"I think James is really worried about him," Lily said, "do you two know what's going on with him? James won't tell me."

"He's worried about going home." Peter said without thinking. "He…er…doesn't want to see his cousins." It was a good save.

Lily didn't seem to buy it, "I don't think it's just that…"

"Sirius doesn't get on with his family. Let's just leave it at that."

"James said it was much more than that…something about his parents…" Lily pressed and Remus fell right in the trap.

"What? James told you what Sirius' parents do—" he snapped his mouth shut.

"I knew it," Lily breathed, "What do they do? Are they violent?"

Peter let out a gasp, and Remus knew it was lost. She had tricked them into telling.

"We are _not _talking about this, and we never are again. Sirius would be livid if he knew. He doesn't even know _we _know!"

"If he's being hurt, we have to help him!" Lily exclaimed.

"NO." Remus said.

"He's your friend!" Lily said angrily.

"You don't know anything about it, Lily." Remus echoed James' own words to him, now fully understanding them.

"James is worried! James thinks Sirius is in danger!"

"Stop!" Remus cried.

"I'm going to go talk to James."

"Don't you dare!" Remus snapped, "Sirius doesn't want anyone to know! James should never have told…" Remus trailed off. Someone was standing in the hallway toward the bathroom. Someone who looked all too familiar.

It was Sirius.


	29. The Fallout

**Long chapter to make up for my absence. Sorry I'm so lame. R**

James really appreciated how quiet the castle was at night. He was walking leisurely down the hall that led away from Gryffindor Tower. He didn't much want to go wandering around the castle at night, he was just pacing. He had felt a little uneasy after his conversation with Sirius…what if his friend really was in danger? He made a mental note to not let Sirius out of his sight from now on. He heaved a deep sigh. It was nice to have one moment of peace.

"POTTER!" Sirius shouted at the top of his lungs when he saw his soon to be ex-best friend in the hallway.

Well, it had been nice. James caught sight of the pure rage on Sirius' face and felt his heart sink. There was only one explanation for this. He knew. It was inevitable; James had known that all along. Sirius was an unwise person to keep secrets around; he was practically trained in deception. And James had told himself he would come clean once they were at Hogwarts, but Sirius' moods had been so unpredictable, the last thing James had wanted to do was shake the boat. And now it was too late for James to explain, or at least beg forgiveness. Sirius didn't appear to be in a listening mood at the moment. His next action confirmed it.

Sirius cocked his arm back and punched James as hard as he could, hard enough to make James wonder if his nose had been broken as he fell to the floor. He put his hand up to it and it came away covered in blood. But Sirius didn't stop there. He leapt on top of James and proceeded to hit every inch of him he could grasp, yelling something indiscernible. Choosing to ignore the string of obscenities his best friend was shouting at him, James grabbed Sirius' waist with both hands and tried to push him off. Sirius fist flew out and caught him on the chin painfully but James had succeeded in getting Sirius off of him.

"Sirius!"

"YOU FUCKER!" Sirius howled, "YOU LYING BASTARD! I TRUSTED YOU!"

"Sirius, please," James said desperately, "please, let me explain."

"EXPLAIN WHAT, HOW YOU STUCK A KNIFE IN MY BACK?" Sirius yelled, a look of fury contorting his face to the point where he was nearly unrecognizable. He took another swing but James caught his wrist and held on tight.

"No, no, Sirius, I didn't mean to tell them. They guessed! I swear, they guessed!" James gasped and he felt as though the knife was in his back, twisting and gutting him, "Please, Sirius, I didn't, I was so worried about you, I didn't…"

"YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO BE MY BEST FRIEND! YOU BETRAYED ME! HOW COULD YOU?!" Sirius screamed, beside himself.

"I am your best friend! That's why I wanted to help you!" James grabbed Sirius and held on with both arms, and Sirius let out a strangled noise and struggled angrily to get away, "Please, Sirius, I just wanted you to be alright!"

Sirius' eyes were dark and his voice was as cold as ice, "I trusted you."

"Sirius…please…"

Sirius shook his head like he was trying to shake away James' apology, or maybe his own hurt feelings, "Who else did you tell?"

"No one, Sirius," James said in barely more than a whisper, "Just Moony and Wormtail and I didn't mean to, he guessed and my face gave it away. Padfoot, I'm so sorry—"

"Don't call me that, James." Sirius said icily.

"But, Sirius..."

"Never speak to me again. You're dead to me, James. Leave me alone, if you know what's good for you. We aren't friends."

"Sirius, no!" James cried, grabbing his friend's arm, "You musn't say that, Sirius."

Sirius yanked his arm away roughly, "Don't touch me. I hate you."

James winced at the harshness in those three words, "Sirius, please, just…"

"You betrayed me, James," Sirius said tonelessly, "I should have known you would. Everyone else has."

Sirius walked away and didn't look back. Where he was going, James had no idea. He resisted the urge to run after his friend, knowing nothing good could possibly come from it. Remus, Peter and Lily stood in silence. James wondered how long they had been there. He turned on them instantly.

"Why the fuck were you talking about it? Look what you've done!"

"We didn't mean to!" Peter cried.

"It was an accident!" Remus said defensively.

"It's my fault, James." Lily said quietly.

"James, I know we messed up, but you should have told Sirius that we knew. It would have been better than him finding out this way."

"Shut up, Lupin," was all James could get out, knowing his friend was right. "Just shut up."

"James…"

"He's never going to forgive me," James said, anguished, "Never."

"He'll forgive you," Remus reassured him, "Give him some time. He'll forgive you."

James shook his head slowly, saying nothing. Sirius' words rang in his head. _You betrayed me, James. I should have known you would. Everyone else has._

It certainly looked like the end of the Marauders. James, Remus and Peter had all approached Sirius on separate occasions to no avail. Whenever one of the boys tried to speak to Sirius, he'd turn on his heel and walk briskly in the opposite direction. Even in the classes the boys shared, Sirius ignored them completely, never dropping his stony expression. It was all rather impressive, Peter thought to himself. Sirius really had mastered the art of being angry, something Peter was sure he had learned from one of his fellow Blacks, likely his parents. He would look right through the Marauders, or around them, and when one of them forced his attention, he'd look at them with narrow eyes, as if he wished they'd just shrivel up and die. He didn't really wish this, Peter knew, he was just being angry Sirius and he would come around eventually. Wouldn't he?

James was no less than devastated at the loss of his partner in crime. He was a completely different person without Sirius, and the true extent of their friendship became painfully clear when they were apart. It was like someone had sucked the James out of James. He was quiet and despondent. He didn't pick on Snape or any Slytherin for that matter. He didn't even get excited about Quidditch practice anymore. Quidditch just wasn't as fun without Sirius. Nothing was as much fun without Sirius, James quickly realized. James wondered how long it had been that way without his notice. Perhaps Hogwarts had only ever been fun _because _of Sirius. James didn't know. Sure, Sirius could be arrogant, annoying and downright mean sometimes, but he was James' best mate, and always would be. James had known for a long time that he was closer to Sirius than with any of the other Marauders, but it had never registered how odd the Marauders would feel without him. The group didn't seem to function the same way. He liked Remus and Peter well enough, but they just weren't Sirius. They couldn't hope to replace what James had lost. It was true what they said about not knowing what you have until it's gone, James mused to himself. Now that he was without, he missed everything about Sirius, including all the things that used to annoy him, like his goofing off in Quidditch, or his wicked sense of humor. Most of all James missed their closeness, even though it often meant a lot of relentless teasing and borrowing of his things.

Snape and his Slytherin cronies, on the other hand were clearly walking on sunshine, having heard that the most powerful alliance in the school was broken. They gleefully goaded both James and Sirius at every opportunity, recognizing the fracture in the group. Though both formidable on their own, James and Sirius were never as strong as James-and-Sirius, and the Slytherins understood this well. James was sure the distance between them was hurting Sirius as much as it was him, but Sirius was stubborn and proud and James didn't see him giving in any time soon. He figured Sirius would cave and talk to him within the week, even if to just yell at him some more. In fact, James would have welcomed Sirius yelling or taking another swing at him. He felt so guilty about what he had done and he knew he deserved the punishment, but he would have preferred another beating then to have Sirius ignore him completely.

There were two others who seemed all too delighted with the Marauders' problems. Narcissa and Regulus were often glued to Sirius' side, talking his ear off, something James found no less than disturbing. He knew Sirius trusted them, but to James they were just two more Blacks who had never done anything to help his best friend. Until now, apparently. Whenever James saw one of them with Sirius, he felt hot jealousy boiling inside of him. James wondered if they were poisoning Sirius against him. He was sure they were; Regulus hated him and Narcissa would probably say anything to get Sirius back. James hated the Blacks, he really did. They all seemed to be so utterly self-absorbed that they never thought about anybody else, especially not Sirius. Never mind, Sirius was smart enough to know who his real friends were, and they were James Potter. Sirius knew that, didn't he? James remembered with a sinking feeling the times Sirius had expressed regret about his relationship with his father, or how he sometimes wondered aloud if things could be different with his family. What if Regulus and Narcissa convinced Sirius to go back to his family forever? That would never happen, would it?

After two weeks of stonewalling, it was beginning to feel like Sirius would never forgive them, and the (remaining) Marauders were getting anxious. Remus, for one, found this rather unreasonable. He had forgiven Sirius after the…incident last year. That had been a huge deal for Remus, but he had still gotten past it because his friendship with Sirius was worth it. What was Sirius saying about his friendship with the Marauders if he wasn't willing to forgive them? All they were guilty of was _knowing _his secret. Remus wasn't going to give up on his friend, but he was getting rather annoyed with Sirius' behavior. He wasn't even willing to let them explain. Remus just hoped he would relent. He didn't want this row to tear the Marauders apart. And, though he normally wouldn't have admitted it, he missed all of the James-Sirius shenanigans and pranks. He even missed getting in trouble with them. Not to mention, the new James was too mopey to try and pick up Evans, or to mess with any of the Slytherins or teachers.

James was having trouble sleeping, something that was quickly becoming common for him, and decided to sit in the common room for a little while. Sirius had often had trouble sleeping, and James found himself thinking about his missing friend for the ten millionth time since their row. He sat there staring at the fire for so long he didn't notice that someone had sat down next to him.

"I'm so mad at you, James."

James turned at the sad, familiar voice and felt a mixture of things when he saw who was sitting there. Guilt, pain, sadness, sorrow, nostalgia, regret and just a little bit of hope as well.

"Sirius, I am so sorry. I am so sorry and ashamed of what I did."

Despite everything, James had noticed how Sirius called him by his first name, something that rarely happened anymore. Sirius only called James by his first name if he was upset or angry. It was like he was being warned, or scolded, when Sirius said, "Stop it, _James" _instead of Prongs or any other ridiculous nickname Sirius could conceive for his friend. But it hadn't always been like that. Sirius used to call him James all the time when they were younger. And after a couple of months, when they became close, sometimes Sirius called him Jamie. Aside from his parents, James had never allowed anyone to use that name for him after he had turned ten. He felt it was a child's name. But when Sirius said it, it didn't sound mocking or condescending, it just sounded right in a way he couldn't explain, so James had never asked Sirius to stop calling him Jamie. Sirius, on the other hand, had always been Sirius. Even now, James had a tendency to skip over his nickname and call him Sirius. Maybe it was because Sirius was Sirius, and there was no other Sirius, and so he couldn't be defined in any other way. James tried to silence his thoughts about useless things like names, so he could listen to what Sirius was saying.

"Maybe I've been unreasonable toward you. But I don't think I have. I don't know. I don't think I understand anything anymore."

"You haven't. I deserved it, for betraying you. I can't stand that I hurt you like that when all I want to do is protect you. All I want is for you to be alright."

"I know you do. It's like you said; everyone needs someone to care about them. You only acted like an idiot because you care about me. I get it. It's just hard for me to accept."

James felt hope fill him like adrenaline.

"I just wish I could make you see what it's like being a Black. It's hard to trust someone when you've been taught that nobody can be trusted. It's hard to feel something when you've been taught that feelings are your weaknesses. It's hard to love someone when—"

His voice cracked a little and he put his face in his hands. James wished with all of his might that he could yank Sirius' life away from him and replace it with his own. He wanted Sirius to have a family that loved him unconditionally. He wanted for Sirius everything he'd ever had and more, because Sirius deserved it so much more than he did.

"Urghh," Sirius groaned into his hands, "I hate this! Every time I try to talk about something like this I start crying! I never used to cry! I _never _cry! Blacks don't cry. But lately, it's like I can't get myself to stop crying…it's awful. I just hear myself sounding so weak and pathetic!"

James swallowed before responding, "My dad used to say some people don't cry because they're week. He said some people cry because they've been strong for too long. You've been strong your entire life. It was bound to catch up to you eventually."

"I wish I was so many things. I wish I was stronger. I wish I was braver. I wish I was smarter. I wish I knew how to be good. I think I wish I was you."

James looked at his friend sadly. Sirius' face was still in his hands.

"Do you want to know what I wish?" James asked quietly.

Sirius half shrugged, half nodded.

"I wish you could see yourself exactly as you are."

Sirius shook his head.

"Because if you could, you would never say things like that. You would never even think like that, not even for a second. You see yourself the way the Blacks taught you to see yourself. You are so much better than them. You are so much better than me. I want you to remember what I'm about to say: you are not a bad person. You're a very good person…who bad things have happened to. You grew up in hell and still came out good. That's more than Moony or Wormtail or I have ever accomplished. You have overcome everything they've thrown at you, and you and I both know that any ordinary person would have given up a long time ago. But you don't give up. It's in your nature to be good, and I don't think you even know any other way."

"Believe me, I know about the other way," Sirius said in barely a whisper, "I know the other way well, better than most. Sometimes I think dark thoughts. Sometimes I want to be…like a Black. Everything would be easier. I keep running from all the dark things, but what if one day they catch up to me?"

"They won't," James responded, just as quietly as Sirius, "they won't because you would never let them. They won't because I'll always be there to keep them away from you."

Sirius sighed audibly, and James knew he wasn't lifting his head because he was crying, "You're the only one who's never given up on me."

James leaned into Sirius and hugged him, stupidly hoping he could squeeze all of Sirius' hurt and pain into himself. He wanted to feel it, for hurting Sirius, but for the most part he just didn't want Sirius to hurt anymore.

The next evening was unquestionably awkward. The four boys didn't really want to look at each other and especially not as Sirius. Sirius was fiddling with his robes, unsure of how to begin.

"Well…the short story is I'm not mad anymore."

The boys all laughed, albeit nervously, but it was better than nothing.

"I don't want any of you to think that the reason I didn't tell you about my…situation was because I didn't trust you," he began, "because that isn't true."

Again, James couldn't help but notice that Sirius' face formed a strange look when he talked about trusting them. He was sure nobody had noticed except him, but he was sure of what he'd seen, and he couldn't help but think there may have been another meaning beneath his friend's words.

"I've always been told that if I told I was going to be sorry. The beauty of broad threats is that you can use your imagination. Nobody ever had to tell me what they'd do to me if I told because they…he…knew I could come up with something worse in my own head. But, I think I didn't tell any of you because…well I didn't want you to try to help."

"But why wouldn't you have wanted us to help you?" Remus asked, "Why would you keep going back?"

"It's complicated. I didn't want any of you to bear my burden. And I didn't really think any of you were ready to hear…or understand what it's like. I still don't think you're ready."

"I…don't understand." Peter said.

"We weren't always like this. I think we were happy, once. But when you're a Black you're put through the motions. There were consequences for everything we did. And that means that there is little room for error."

"You didn't trust us," Remus said and James thought there might have been a slight edge to his voice, "why?"

"Moony, the last time I told someone about…things, I woke up in the hospital. The last time I tried to run away…well let's just say it didn't end well. Trust has nothing to do with it, and even if it did, do you think you'd trust anyone if the people you were _supposed _to trust were the one always stabbing you in the back?"

"So you admit you don't trust us." Remus said bluntly and this time James knew he heard it. There was a pronounced hard edge to Remus' voice.

"I didn't say that."

"You said you don't trust anyone. And that includes us. Do you know what I'm having trouble grasping? You mess around in school, get in trouble and when you're at home you're always disobeying your family's rules despite the consequences you must know are inevitable. Why did you follow this one rule? You weren't afraid of much when you put a frog on Bellatrix's chair when you were thirteen. You weren't afraid when you fought with Malfoy over and over again. You've said countless times that you aren't afraid of them. What kept you from telling people about who they really are? That would destroy them!"

"Yes. And then they would destroy me." Sirius said bluntly.

"You know exactly what I'm saying here. I don't understand why you didn't tell. I really don't. And I don't understand why you keep going back."

"I don't expect you to," Sirius replied bitterly, "you can't. You think you can, but you just can't."

"The _explain it to me_!" Remus almost raised his voice before catching himself.

There was silence for a minute.

"It's hard to watch you sometimes, Sirius," Remus said coolly, "you're like a tragedy in twelve acts that should have been over in three. We're always waiting for the last scene where you get up and walk away and essentially solve all your problems, but you keep going back."

"Moony, that was out of line." James intervened.

"It was not," Remus turned back to Sirius furiously, "You say we can't understand, but do you? If you really do then answer me this: why do you keep going back? You're talking about a man who put you in the hospital, probably multiple times, yet you say _we can't understand _as if you're defending him? You spend summers at James' house since you were eleven; you've seen how a real family treats one another and you still didn't say anything! You're smart enough to know that people who love and care about you don't hit you just because you mess up a spell. Why do you keep going back? Why do you keep taking it from him? Do you really hate yourself that much?"

Sirius was silent.

"One day…no, one _act _of bravery and you'd be free from your demons forever," Remus said, "you have no idea what I'd give for that."

"You can't possibly compare—" James began angrily, but Sirius cut him off.

"When would you have left, Remus?" he said quietly, "when you were ten? Eleven? Thirteen? When would you have decided that you were ready to leave your family behind and expose them for the monsters they were? Knowing that you'd never see your brother again. Knowing that people probably wouldn't believe you, and even if they did, they wouldn't help because they were as afraid of your family as you were. Knowing that anyone you dared help you was going to be in very real danger. That's what I mean by you can't understand. Yeah I lived in hell, but I had a bed and food and nobody was getting hurt."

"Except you."

"Yes. Except me. When I was a kid I was too afraid for myself to leave. Now I'm too afraid for everyone else."

They were all quiet. James wondered if Remus and Peter were picturing life at Sirius' house like he was. He wasn't sure if he would have made it. In fact, he was pretty sure he wouldn't have.

"I'm sorry," Remus said softly, "I shouldn't have said all of that."

Sirius shrugged, "I know why you did. It can be difficult to understand."

"But I shouldn't have to understand. If I were a real friend I would have just listened instead of jumping down your throat."

"I don't expect you to be perfect all the time, Moony," Sirius said with a small grin, "just most of the time."

They all laughed, and it seemed as though things were going to go back to normal and run smoothly. And they did, until the next day.


	30. The Reckoning

Sirius had a lot on his mind. There was Christmas break, closer every day, mocking him. James had been pestering him nearly every day about going to his house for the holidays. He was actually beginning to consider it. What was the point of honoring his promise to his father anyway? All that was waiting for him at house was the torture of the holidays, when all the Blacks got together to revel in their self-importance. Sirius hated family occasions, and he suspected he would hate this one even more now that Alphard wasn't around to back him up.

There were the attacks on muggles and muggle-borns, which seemed to be increasing all the time. Sirius couldn't help but notice how the murder of his relatives stood in such stark contrast to the waves of muggle-born murders, and still there was no evidence leading to authorities to those culpable in either of them. What was happening? The War was claiming more casualties every day.

There was Narcissa, as well. Sirius had been talking with her a lot (mostly thanks to his fight with James) and it seemed like her relationship with Malfoy was getting serious. Narcissa's parents were surely waiting with baited breath for the two to be married. Malfoy was a pureblood and rich, the only two prerequisites needed to be a good match, at least according to Narcissa's mother. Sirius felt sick even thinking about it. He hated the thought of being even more closely related to the Malfoys than he already was.

And lastly, there was the steadily growing number of people who now knew his most closely guarded secret. He kept trying to convince himself to calm down and trust his friends but he just couldn't. He had protected this secret for years. He was afraid. Afraid of how they'd look at him differently. Afraid of what would happen if more people found out. And he was sure some people knew without letting on. He had spent a lot of time in hospitals for his injuries that his parents couldn't heal; some of the Healers must have figured it out. His relatives certainly knew, not that they'd ever help. And Sirius suspected the Potters knew as well. After all, James couldn't hold a straight face to save his life, and the topic of Sirius had probably been breached numerous times in the Potter household. There was also Dumbledore, who seemed to know everything. Nothing escaped Dumbledore, so surely he knew as well. Sirius' stomach twisted in fear as he pictured what his father's face would look like if he knew how many people were privy to the Blacks' affairs.

_Don't think about that,_ Sirius ordered himself for the thousandth time that day. He heaved a deep sigh, and immediately regretted it. He had forgotten whom he was seated next to.

"What's the matter?" James demanded immediately. Sirius struggled not to roll his eyes. The last thing he felt like doing right now was fighting off James' questions.

"Nothing." Sirius smiled. His big fake smile. His big shit-eating smile. What was wrong with him? His whole façade was starting to crack, and he could not let that happen. Everyone would see that he was just a pathetic weakling beaten up by his father. He could not be that Sirius Black. He was going to be the Sirius Black everyone expected. The one everyone loved. He was going to be smart, handsome, cool, talented, perfect Sirius Black. He was going to be that Sirius Black, even if it killed him.

James frowned, seeing through the mask-like smile, but didn't press the matter. Things were finally running (relatively) smoothly for the Marauders, and he didn't want to mess is up. _Although, _said a little voice in his head, _wasn't it that attitude that got you into such trouble in the first place? _James shook his head, trying to disregard this thought. Nothing good could come from James jumping down Sirius' throat every time he sighed. Sometimes James wished he could read minds. Then he would always know what Sirius was thinking, and he'd always have the right thing to say to make his friend feel better. But deep down, James knew that many of Sirius' thoughts had no such cure, and that it was a childish wish at best. So he had no choice but to turn back to his lunch and say nothing.

"James," Sirius began, and James knew whatever his friend had to say was important, "I'm going to stay at your house for Christmas."

"That's fantastic!" James almost yelled, "What changed your mind?"

Sirius shrugged, "I don't know. I'm tired. I don't feel like dealing with any more rows. It's better for everyone this way. I just hope my father doesn't try to drag me back."

"Don't worry. You'll be safe with us. My house is protected and my dad won't let him get to you."

"Well I hope so. I wouldn't want to put your family in danger."

"You aren't, besides my family would gladly face danger for you. You're doing the right thing."

"Yeah," Sirius' face darkened a little, "I guess I decided Lupin was right. I should stop being such a tragedy in twelve acts." He spat the last sentence bitterly.

Remus was caught off guard by the remark and took almost a full minute to respond, "I _said _I was sorry for saying that."

"Don't be. You're right." Sirius responded coolly.

Remus frowned. This was one of those times in which there was literally nothing that could be done. If Remus agreed, Sirius would snap at him. If he disagreed, Sirius would snap at him. He was just in one of his Sirius-moods, and Remus was the target. So he said nothing. Thankfully, Sirius let it drop.

The Marauders began the long walk to class. Remus had to run back up to the dormitory to retrieve his book. He shouted at the others to explain to Binns why he would be late and James and Sirius just rolled their eyes at one another. As if Binns would even notice if Remus was on time or not. Sirius himself was wondering if he could get away with skiving by faking a stomachache. It wasn't like he ever learned anything in History of Magic anyway. He had just begun formulating his story when he was distracted by the sound of somebody whimpering helplessly. James, Sirius and Peter made a detour to find the source of the crying and were greeted by the sight of two Slytherin boys hulking over a small Hufflepuff girl.

"OY!" James shouted and the Slytherins turned around. It was Snape (of course) and Regulus Black. Regulus' face quickly changed from malice to guilt when he saw his brother. But it just as quickly adopted a defensive proud look that could only belong to a Black.

"What the fuck do you think you're doing?" Sirius began aggressively toward Regulus, ignoring Snape completely.

"Nothing that concerns you. So why don't you just move along?" Regulus responded snidely, but he couldn't hide the flicker of fear in his voice. The Hufflepuff girl, sensing her opportunity, fled immediately.

"We were just talking to this…_muggle born_." Snape smirked cruelly.

"Didn't look like she exactly wanted to be talking to you," James snarled, "such a surprise, you two being so pleasant and all."

"It's nothing a _blood traitor _would understand." Regulus sneered, looking rather Snape-like indeed.

"Bullying little girls?" Sirius interjected, "You're right; we wouldn't understand that. You piece of sh—"

"We weren't bullying her," Snape drawled, "that's yours and Potter's territory. We were simply—"

"Reminding her of her place." Regulus supplied smugly.

Sirius looked remarkably like a dog that had just raised its hackles. James half expected him to start growling.

"How about I remind you of _your _place?" Sirius snapped, his hands clenching into fists.

"Go ahead," Regulus challenged, "I'll just write to Father and then he'll remind you of _your _place."

Sirius said nothing, and Regulus grinned triumphantly. Snape was smirking in a horrible way and suddenly Sirius realized he wasn't the only one revealing Black family secrets. How many people had Regulus told about the source of Sirius mysterious injuries? Sirius was so angry he couldn't see straight. How could Regulus do that to him? It wasn't like he hadn't been beaten before; he knew the pain and humiliation of it? Why would he laugh about it with Snape?

Of course. He should have known. Regulus probably only told his friends about _Sirius _getting beaten. They would all believe that. Regulus was the perfect Slytherin son and Sirius was the blood traitor. It all made sense. He wondered how many times Regulus had laughed with his Slytherin friends about his own brother getting beaten up, and he couldn't contain his anger any longer. He leapt at Regulus and hit him as hard as he could. It all went downhill from there.

Snape and Regulus were completely outmatched by James and Sirius, particularly when they couldn't use their wands. Peter being there was just an added bonus. He and James both pounded Snape mercilessly. Sirius wasn't aware of much; he just wanted to make Regulus feel a semblance of the pain he felt every time he was "put in his place." Sirius had protected Regulus from their father numerous times, and this is how Regulus thanked him? He deserved every punch Sirius delivered, and more.

It took a good few minutes until the sounds of their fight reached a professor. It was McGonnagel who shot Impendimenta at each of them until they calmed down. Then she swiftly ordered them to follow her, and they were marching off the Dumbledore's office.

"You're in for it now!" Regulus gasped in pain, "You just wait until I tell Father you attacked me! He'll thrash you within an inch of your life! You'll never be able to sit down aga—"

This last comment was cut off by Sirius' fist connecting with Regulus' mouth.

"ENOUGH!" McGonnagel shrieked.

"At least I'll have gotten my money's worth." Sirius spat at his brother who was now missing a tooth.

Snape, Regulus, James, Sirius and Peter sat down in front of Dumbledore's desk.

"It is time to put an end to this feud," Dumbledore looked angrier than Sirius had ever seen him, "What have any of you to gain by fighting in the corridors?"

The boys were all silent.

"I do not tolerate any sort of violence in my school."

The boys were all silent.

"You two," Dumbledore said, pointing to Snape and Regulus, "have detentions for a month. I'm taking 200 points from Slytherin"

The boys were silent.

"As for you three," Dumbledore turned to the Marauders gravely, "given your previous records and the circumstances of the fight I have no choice but to call in your parents and discuss a more serious punishment."

The room erupted in chaos.

"That's not fair!" Peter cried.

"They started it!" James yelled.

"What 'circumstances' of the fight?" Sirius demanded.

"Perhaps the fact that there were three on two? Or that you started it?"

"We didn't _start _anything," Sirius snarled, "this all began because they were torturing a first year!"

"Mr. Black, we all know that both you and Mr. Potter have been disciplined for fighting in the corridors before. The four of you have had detentions and points taken more times than we care to think about. And we have a witness that tells me that you were provoking Mr. Snape and Mr. Black. Surely you could not have expected any other outcome."

"What witness?" Sirius demanded, "There was nobody there except us and the girl!"

Lucius Malfoy walked it, "I saw the whole thing." He smirked cruelly at Sirius.

"Are you kidding me?" Sirius yelled, "He'd say anything to get—" He snapped his mouth shut. There was no way he was going to say that. But the fact that Malfoy was going to testify against him meant there was no way they'd get out of it. The teachers were mysteriously blind to Malfoy's behavior while he was at school. Despite his near constant harassment of Sirius, he was never caught and never punished. He had even been made a prefect! How he had managed to fool the entire faculty was beyond Sirius.

"He's a liar." James spat.

"Unfortunately, Mr. Potter, his credibility is miles above your own."

There was nothing for it. Dumbledore sent away the Slytherins and began conjuring Patronuses for each parent. There had been only one other incident in which their parents had been called in and Sirius didn't like to remember that day at all. He had the same cold feeling in his bones of fear, knowing his father was coming. He was going to kill Sirius when he found out he had been fighting. Mr. and Mrs. Potter came in first, followed by Mrs. Pettigrew.

Sirius wiped the sweat off his forehead and tried to breathe evenly when the Potters asked him how he was. He smiled as best he could given the circumstances. Mrs. Potter gave him a hug and Sirius returned it, grateful for any comfort. James shot him a nervous look which he returned. He felt his breath catch in his throat when he heard the Floo roar to life and his father stepped out. Sirius felt the smile slide off his face as he adopted an impassive expression and sat up a little straighter, opting to stare straight ahead instead of looking over at his father.

Orion brushed the soot off his expensive robes and grumbled something inaudible Sirius was sure was about him. Sirius tried to assess how much trouble he'd be in by looking at his father. The prognosis didn't look good. Orion hair was messy and he had dark circles beneath his eyes, as though he hadn't slept. He was clearly fighting to keep his face neutral. It was a big deal when a Black did not have their appearance perfected. Sirius wondered if they had pulled him out of bed to come get him. Orion was wearing expensive dress robes, same as always, but looked disheveled and exhausted and was leaning heavily on the cane he didn't need. Unless, of course, he was hitting someone with it. He stood up straight and, ignoring everyone else in the room, walked over to where Sirius was sitting, stopping right in front of him. Their identical eyes met. Orion looked at him with anger and Sirius stuck his chin up defiantly.

"What the hell am I doing here in the middle of the night?" Orion demanded, none too subtlety, "And what the hell happened to your face?"

Sirius glanced around for something reflective before remembering his face was bruised from the fight. "Looks the same as always to me." Sirius said tonelessly, looking his father right in the eye. Orion glared back at him, daring him to say something else.

"What's he done?"

Dumbledore explained the situation and Sirius noted how his father looked less and less tired and more and more ready for a fight. Fine by him. This punishment was way out of proportion to anything they had done. If they were going to be suspended, the others should have been as well.

When Dumbledore had finished, Orion just looked at Sirius coldly and said, "Fighting your own brother? Do you have anything to say for yourself, boy?"

"I was acting under emotional distress. Me being so emotionally unstable and all."

"You little—"

Professor McGonnagel cut in suddenly, "Given the boys' records, we're suspending them each for a week."

Sirius froze. Now he was in for it.

"A week?" James said, outraged.

"You can't!" Peter cried.

"Do not tell us what we can and cannot do, Mr. Pettigrew." Professor McGonnagel said coldly, "It really should come as no surprise."

"Records?" Orion interrupted casually, as though he was inquiring about the weather, "What records?"

Sirius felt his blood run cold and thought _Oh please, God, no. Please don't let him see it. Please. No._

"Do you keep disciplinary records?" Orion asked, "Let me see his."

Both Dumbledore and McGonnagel looked sorry it had been mentioned; they knew what was about to happen as well as Sirius did.

"That's not necessary, is it, Orion?" McGonnagel asked crisply.

'Give it to me." Orion said harshly. They obeyed. Everyone always did.

Sirius' neutral expression slid of his face completely, replaced by a pale mask of pure horror and fear.

"That bad, huh?" Orion asked in a deadly whisper.

McGonnagel magicked the fat folder out of nowhere. Orion took it and started looking through it. The office was deathly quiet until Orion closed the file and placed it carefully on the desk. Sirius knew Orion had a scale of anger, and he was pretty sure he had surpassed the top. When Orion was so angry he couldn't even scream he got deathly calm and the worst usually followed soon after. He adjusted his robes and took a deep breath.

"Okay," he said, "okay…okay. What am I to do with this? You tell me, Sirius. What shall I do with this information?"

Sirius squeezed his eyes shut in horror and shook his head.

"That's not an answer." Orion said quietly.

Sirius whispered, "They were just a couple of pranks…"

"JUST A COUPLE OF PRANKS?!" Orion roared, and Sirius felt that same feeling he's felt a million times before; cold fear because he'd said the wrong thing again. "IS THAT WHAT YOU THINK? JUST A COUPLE OF PRANKS?!"

Sirius had no idea how he should respond, so he said nothing, and just waited. He felt a fleeting instinct to run and within the next minute, he'd wish he had.

"YOU'RE GOING TO RUIN EVERYTHING I'VE WORKED FOR WITH YOUR '_JUST A COUPLE OF PRANKS' _!" Orion raged, and amidst gasps grabbed Sirius by the front of his robes and pulled him so close their faces were less than an inch apart, "YOU STUPID CHILD! DO YOU REALLY HAVE NOTHING TO SAY? WHAT DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN WHEN I FOUND OUT ABOUT THIS? SAY SOMETHING, YOU WORTHLESS LITTLE BOY…!"

Orion had moved his grip to Sirius' shoulders and started shaking him with enough force to give him a throbbing pain in his head. Sirius tried to squirm away and cried, "I didn't mean to…"

*SMACK*

He had backhanded Sirius with enough force to make his son's head snap to the side. Sirius cried out and fell backward into James who caught him with little struggle. Mrs. Potter let out an audible cry, and Mrs. Pettigrew gasped. Orion turned away from him and found Dumbledore with his wand out pointing at his chest. Charles Potters' wand was out too, despite his wife's attempts to lower his arm.

"I will not allow that sort of behavior from _anyone_ in my school, Orion." Dumbledore said, his eyes finally flashing with anger.

"Your school? Right. Right." Orion looked momentarily distressed but recovered quickly with his mask of supreme unconcern. He turned to Sirius who was standing partially behind James (who had stepped in front of him after witnessing Sirius get hit) and scowled. Then he crooked his finger at Sirius, "You." Sirius moved until he stood in front of his father.

"_Go_."

Sirius went, blood and tears dripping down his face. James tried to take his arm but Sirius pulled it out of his reach. "It's okay." Sirius whispered to his friend, even though it wasn't. Orion made to follow him until someone grabbed his arm. It was Charles Potter.

"Take your hands off me, Potter." Orion spat.

"Don't hurt him." Charles warned.

"Or you'll what?" Orion growled.

"They were harmless pranks. Nobody was hurt over it."

"Someone is going to be hurt over it. To you, it might just be a couple of harmless pranks, but to me, it's everything. You deal with your son; let me deal with mine."

"If you lay a finger on him…"

"I'm going to lay a lot more than that on him." Orion replied cruelly.

"…I swear, Black."

"What are you going to do?" Orion was shouting again, "I'm Orion Black. None of you can do a thing to me. Mind your own goddamn business, blood traitor! You and your son poisoned mine against me!"

"You did that yourself!" Charles thundered, "And you'll keep doing it unless you stop right now!"

Orion said nothing.

"You're such a fool," Mr. Potter finished softly, "You don't deserve him."

Orion pulled his wand out and pointed it at Charles' face, "You go too far, Potter. If you know what's good for you, you'll stay the hell away from me and my property." He gripped his cane meaningfully and stepped through the Floo.

"Well?" James cried, "Do something! You have to stop him!"

"There's nothing we can do," Dumbledore said quietly, "unless Sirius—"

"Sirius will _never _report it; he thinks his family will kill him if he does!" James replied, his voice getting louder with each syllable, "You have to do something! He's going to hurt Sirius!"

"James," Charles sighed, "there is literally nothing that can be done. The Blacks are immensely powerful; no one would dare levying such an accusation against Orion, especially without proof."

"HE JUST BACKHANDED HIS OWN SON! WHAT MORE PROOF DO YOU NEED?"

"It isn't enough. I wish it was, but it wasn't." Charles said simply and sadly.

"So you condemn him to death!" James cried.

"Orion isn't going to kill him."

"You're all a bunch of cowards! You all knew about what Sirius' father does to him, and you just let him do it, because you were too afraid of him. Well, I won't. If you won't help him, I will." James turned toward the fireplace, but Charles' hand clamped down on his shoulder.

"No, you've been suspended, and you're coming with me." Charles said sternly, "Don't think you can use Sirius to distract me from your—"

"I'm not using Sirius for anything! You said he was family, Dad! You said you'd stand up for him!"

"I CAN'T!" Charles roared, "Sirius has to report it! Sirius has to get himself out of this situation!"

"HE TRIED! THEY GOT HIM BACK!"

Charles said nothing else, just pointed to the fireplace. James glared at him defiantly. Charles took his son's shoulder and led him back to Potter Manor.


	31. The Box

**Sorry if this is a little hard to follow. R.**

Regulus began the long walk back to the dungeons. As soon as he had learned that his older brother was being suspended, he regretted everything he had done that day. He felt sick to his stomach for the way he had treated Sirius, and that girl, too. That was often the way with Regulus. He would do something to Sirius and then suffer crushing guilt for it. But he didn't really learn from his mistakes. He would get Sirius in trouble again, or turn a blind eye to him and Sirius would be hurt and Regulus would feel like the world should swallow him up for being such a terrible brother. He hadn't _meant _to joke about what Orion did to Sirius. There was nothing less funny in the world! But Lucius and Rodolphous and Richard had been joking about it, and he certainly didn't want to be on their bad sides, so what was he supposed to do? _You should have stood up for him, _said a firm voice inside of him, _because Sirius has always stood up for you_. That was the essence of it, really. Part of the reason Regulus had always escaped the kind of abuse Sirius put up with was because of his older brother. Sirius was always willing to stand up to Orion in defense of Regulus. And then, often times Orion would forget about his anger toward Regulus and focus all his aggression on Sirius. And Sirius, Sirius had _taken _it because he cared more about Regulus than he did about himself.

What could he do for Sirius now? Could he write him a letter, trying to explain? But what would he say? He couldn't justify his actions and he was sure Sirius would just rip it up once he got it anyway. That was assuming it would even get past his father. Maybe he should write his father. But his father never paid him any mind; he was always too wrapped up in Sirius. Regulus felt the familiar burn of rejection in his stomach he felt every time he thought about his father. In his father's eyes, he was nothing, _nothing _compared to Sirius. Sirius would never believe it for a second, but Regulus saw things Sirius didn't. He saw how his father looked at him with disappointment every time he got his marks, which were nothing compared to Sirius'. He saw his father's annoyance when it took him longer to master a spell that Sirius had already perfected. Sirius always beat him at dueling, and at Quidditch, and even at wizard's chess! Sirius had the pride and stature of a Black, and even though he wasn't proud of _being _a Black (what was he proud of anyway?), he was still one of the proudest people Regulus knew. And of course, Sirius looked just like his father, whereas Regulus did not. Perfect Sirius. Damn him. Not that he was really perfect. He had been sorted into Gryffindor (something else he was inexplicably proud of), practically nobody in the family liked him and he was always looking for a fight.

But that was something else that bothered Regulus. Sometimes he felt like his father almost…approved of Sirius' behavior. No, Regulus corrected himself, he _tolerates _it. He tolerates it because Sirius is still at the top of his class, and a Quidditch star, _and _extremely popular _and _pretty much everything a Black should be. He tolerates it because even though nobody in the family likes Sirius, practically everybody else does. Regulus knew from the first day he stepped foot in Hogwarts that everyone was already enamored with his older brother, leaving no room for him. He had been branded "Sirius' little brother" from the first day! But the Slytherins, the Slytherins _respected _him. They approved of him. They made him feel important. They made him feel wanted.

Regulus knew why his father put up with himself and his brother. It wasn't like a family. Neither of them were loved for being the man's children; his own flesh and blood! No, Regulus was loved for his obedience, his docility and his loyalty to the Blacks. Sirius was loved because he was valuable: smart, good-looking and talented.

Sirius was a rebel. He was a Gryffindor. He was a blood-traitor. He was a thief. But Regulus didn't resent him for being any of those things. He resented Sirius because he knew that if he had been any of those things, he would have been tossed out without another glance. Regulus had to be obedient to be loved by his father. And Sirius, despite whatever he thought, did not.

* * *

Punishment in James Potter's household was, had always been and will always be a joke. His mother positively doted on him and could hardly even stand scolding her darling Jamie. His father had laid down the law when he had to, of course, but James had quite often gotten away with a lot more than any of the other Marauders (especially Sirius) could have ever dreamed of. So when James stepped into the foyer, his punishment was the last thing on his mind. His mother having retreated to the kitchen, James unleashed his fury on his father.

"I can't believe you, Dad! How could you just let him take Sirius like that?"

"James, there are a lot of things you don't understand…"

"What I _understand _is that you told Sirius he was family. You told Mum you weren't afraid of the Blacks. And now, you're telling me that 'Sirius has to get himself out of this situation.' Do you know how long it took for me to convince Sirius that if he asked for help, people would help him?"

"James…"

"And now, _right this second_, he needs help, and he had nobody. Nobody, Dad, except me! Except us! We—"

"JAMES!" Charles roared, finally getting his son's attention, "What would you have me do? Should I break into the house and drag Sirius back here? The curses protecting that mansion would cut me down in two minutes flat. Should I have dueled his father in the middle of Dumbledore's office? I probably would have been carted off to Azkaban. Or should I go around the Ministry and spread rumors about one of the most influential families in Britain? You said it yourself; Sirius will never report his family, fearing for his life, so where does that leave me? I'd tell people he was abused. Orion would deny it. Sirius would back him up. I'd be in deep trouble for spreading lies and slandering the Blacks. And of course, Orion would blame Sirius for my telling stories, and I'm sure I don't have to tell you what would happen next."

James opened his mouth and closed it again. There was nothing for him to say.

"Don't make the mistake of believing you're the only person here who cares about that boy. You think your mother's in the kitchen crying because you got into a fight at school? It kills us, not being about to help him. Seeing a great kid like him, going back to that hellhole to be treated like the dirt under their shoes. Hearing somebody talented and kind and good being called stupid and worthless by his own father. It tears at me. It keeps me up at nights, knowing how they treat him. But I'll be damned if I make it worse. So all I can do right now is make sure that, no matter what, he has somewhere to run and hide if he needs to."

James sank into a chair, still unsure of what to say. Orion's words echoed in his head, s_tupid, worthless…_ and had a new, almost sick respect for his friend. Sirius must have stared down insults like that his entire life. He always brushed them off, talking about them with James. James had never stopped to wonder how many times he must have heard them to be able to talk about them so lightly. But suddenly something else occurred to James. He looked at his father suspiciously and asked, "How long have you known?"

Charles snorted, "There are only so many hospital visits that can go unnoticed. But I've known Orion Black was a monster long before you did."

"Was he really awful in school?" James asked quietly.

Charles sighed. He looked older than James had ever seen him, "Not…always. Alphard used to say the world broke him."

"'_What's the matter Al?' Charles sat down next to his friend, attracting a few odd glances. Though the school had mostly gotten used to their friendship, some people were always going to be uncomfortable crossing house lines. Which was a shame, in Charles' opinion._

"_Oh, nothing. Just thinking, you know." Alphard sent him a half smile, "I have to go home for Christmas next week."_

"_Oh." Charles' parents had always liked the Blacks, in fact they were the reason Charles met Alphard. But Charles knew that the Blacks were a little more…_forceful_ in their discipline than the Potters had ever been. And his carefree friend Alphard just didn't seem to fit in with his family of aristocrats. He jumped through their hoops, same as all the others, but it was clear his heart wasn't in it. It never had been._

"_It's not so much that I'm worried for myself," Alphard continued absently, "it's my little brother. I hope he doesn't do anything…"_

"_Stupid?" Charles supplied._

"_Well, yes." Alphard sighed, "I don't know about him. He always seems to find a way to…attract my father's attention. Not the good kind of attention either."_

"_What a surprise." murmured Charles. He and the youngest Black didn't exactly get along._

_Alphard looked at his friend sadly, "Try not to judge him too harshly. He's had a difficult life, you know."_

"_Him and the rest of the world."_

"_It's different," Alphard looked off into the distance, "being a Black, I mean. You're never really accepted as you are. Never allowed to have your own personality, or even your own opinion. Every Black is always competing, always hoping to be better than the last. It's rather depressing."_

_Charles stomach turned guiltily for his words, "I didn't know…"_

"_Your family and mine are very different," Alphard continued, "we seem the same from outside, but from inside…I feel like we aren't really a family. Not the kind that cares about each other like yours. My father trains us like soldiers. We never really got to _be _children."_

"_Is it awful, living in your house?"_

_Alphard snorted, "I've been used to it for years. They'll never break me." His face fell a little, "But Orion…I don't know. I think he's letting them change him. They're turning him cold and angry. His bitterness toward them is misdirected toward the world. And I don't think I can fix him."_

_Charles said nothing. Alphard put his head in his hands, "I wish I could do something for him. I practically raised him myself, you know. My father never even noticed him."_

"_If you raised him, I'm sure he'll turn out fine. You aren't so bad, you know." Charles smiled at his friend, hardly believing the words himself. Alphard had hit the nail on the head when he had described Orion as cold and bitter. Charles had never met somebody so young who was already so bitter. Orion seemed to hold everyone accountable for his problems, everyone except himself._

"_I always told myself he'd be fine. But I'm not so sure anymore."_

Charles shut his eyes and willed the memory away. He heaved a deep sigh, "Anyone who comes out of that house alive after seventeen has got to be a little bit broken. I didn't know just how bad it was until I was grown. I knew that they were beaten, but back then it wasn't so out of the ordinary. But soon I realized that they suffered far worse than the occasional beating."

"But how?" James demanded, "Alphard didn't tell you, did he?"

Charles shuddered slightly, "Not in so many words, no."

_Charles was flipping through the back of his Defense Against the Dark Arts textbook. He and Alphard had been studying for NEWTS for hours and Charles felt like his brain was about to explode. He just wanted these stupid tests to be over. He glanced at Alphard with a frown; his friend was falling asleep. He threw the book at Alphard's head, but Alphard plucked it from the air and chucked it back. Caught off guard, the book bounced off Charles' chest painfully and fell to the floor, open near the end. _

"_Occlumency? What the hell is that?"_

"_Don't you know?" Alphard asked, "I had to learn it when I was about thirteen."_

"_Will it be on the test?!" Charles almost shouted in a panic._

"_No, you moron, it won't be on the test," Alphard said, laughing, "It's just something my family felt was…necessary to learn."_

"_Well, what is it then?"_

"_It keeps people from breaking into your mind."_

"_Um, what?"_

_Alphard gave him a dirty look, "People can use legilimency to break into your mind, and—"_

"_Read it?"_

_Alphard laughed, "Essentially. They can look in on your memories and fears. I don't know. I don't remember much about that branch of magic. It was much more important to be able to defend yourself against it than to actually learn how to do it."_

"_So how do you do it?"_

"_It's pretty hard. You have to try and be completely blank. Clear your mind of all thoughts, emotions…that way nobody can see them, you know?"_

"_Can you teach me?"_

_Alphard rolled his eyes, "I told you; it isn't going to be on the test."_

"_I know that! I just think it'd be fun to try it."_

_Alphard smirked, "If you insist." Without waiting more than two seconds he cried, "_Legilimens!"

_Charles mind flooded with a million memories, some of which he didn't even know he had. His Hogwarts letter, his first Christmas, his time at the hospital after his broom crashed, his family dinners…they all came at once, out of order and confusing. It was a hurricane of colors, sounds, feelings. It wasn't fun, either. It was giving him a pounding headache. Alphard lifted the spell._

"_Thanks for the warning." Charles grumbled._

"_It would have happened anyway. You can try on me if you want."_

_Eager for revenge, Charles pointed his wand at his friend, "_Legilimens!_"_

_BANG. It was like trying to get through a brick wall. Charles saw black nothingness, not even a hint of a memory. _

"_See? That's what Occlumency does." Aphard grinned triumphantly, "_Legilim-!"

"PROTEGO!" _Charles cried before Alphard could finish. Alphard's eyes widened as his own spell turned on him. His friend's memories were not as loud and colorful, rather they were dark and almost ominous. Charles caught a glimpse of him laughing with his brothers before the stream focused on one memory in particular._

Alphard was creeping slowly down a dark stairwell that led to the basement. His wand tip illuminated his face and nothing else. All was quiet, except for a long creak on the step Alphard had just descended upon. Wincing slightly at the noise, Alphard continued his journey into the dark depths. He was afraid of this basement, but he would continue on, knowing someone who was much more afraid and needed his help. The room was huge, cold and empty, except for a large muggle refrigerator, lying on its side. Why his pure-blood obsessed parents had a muggle kitchen appliance lying around was a mystery to Alphard. But then again, it wasn't like they used it for it's original purpose.

"Finite Incantatum." Alphard whispered, but the fridge made no movement, gave no indication that anything had changed. That was a bad sign. Wiping the sweat off his forehead, Alphard opened the door.

A terribly familiar figure was curled up motionless inside. The boy's face was white and his lips, blue. Alphard doused him with water from his wand. Orion jerked upward with a start and a shuddering breath, as if he was emerging from water. Alphard clapped a hand over his mouth and Orion regarded him with eyes that were sad but grateful.

"You okay?" Alphard knew it was a stupid question, but didn't know what else to say.

Orion nodded silently.

"I brought you some food."

Orion wiped his dripping face with his sleeve and tore into the bread Alphard gave him. He finished it in less than three bites and stood up.

"Only for a minute," Alphard whispered, "If Father catches us, he'll make it much worse."

Orion nodded knowingly, secretly wondering if it could get any worse than being locked into the box for an entire day. Night. He wasn't sure which.

A noise from upstairs made both boys jump.

"Get back inside!" Alphard hissed.

Orion shook his head no fearfully, begging to be allowed free.

"You have to!" Alphard pushed Orion, who would not budge, "If you don't, he'll go mad at both of us!"

Orion struggled for a few minutes, but Alphard clearly had the upper hand. He forcefully shoved Orion back into the fridge. He was about to close the door when he caught a glimpse of his brother's wide, gray eyes, looking at him, begging him. Alphard swallowed and slammed the door, whispering, "_Colluportus_." He blinked back the tears forming in his eyes, knowing he had done the right thing. If Cygnus had caught them, Orion would be in a hundred times more trouble. He turned his back to the fridge and walked away, trying to ignore the bangs against the door that were tearing him up inside.

* * *

Years later, Charles would wonder if Alphard had meant for him to see that memory. Had he been asking for help? He could certainly do Occlumency well enough to have kept him from seeing the entire memory. So why hadn't he?


	32. The Punishment

**Ugh. I really feel like I should apologize for this. Violence, cruelty, child abuse. Just evilness all around. Not for the faint of heart.**

**R**

Sirius was back in the Blacks' kitchen. He looked around briefly, recalling the black marble counter and the mahogany table. How unfamiliar it felt! Each time he stepped foot inside Grimmauld Place after having been at Hogwarts for a while, he felt more and more a stranger to his childhood home. But Grimmauld Place was constant—never changing. What's changed had always been Sirius. The older he got, the less he fit in. There was no way to go back now, and if he was being honest with himself, there never had been. Change is always inevitable and Sirius and Grimmauld Place were destined to be at odds forever.

He felt almost sick being back home. He was hoping he wouldn't have to step back into this kitchen until Christmas, but here he was. Sirius wondered what this meant; he had broken the agreement with his father…what would he do to him? Make him move back in permanently? Lock him in the cellar? Kill him? Sirius considered his options. He could run up to his room and lock the door. There was no use in that; Orion would just break the door open and drag him out. He could run out the door. But where would he go? He could just break down and beg for mercy. But that was a little too pathetic. His mind was working furiously; what should he do? Before he could decide, Orion had reappeared. He braced himself for what was coming, but Orion just gave him an appraising look and walked over to the liquor cabinet. Sirius didn't know what to do, so he just watched as his father poured some clear liquid into a glass and took a sizable gulp from it.

"Couldn't stay out of trouble, could you?" Orion said, back still turned.

"I didn't start anything."

"Of course you didn't."

"I didn't!"

Orion turned to look at him, bottle and glass still in hand. He took another large swing and said, "Do you know what it's called when you do the same thing over and over again, expecting different results?"

Sirius shook his head.

Orion walked over to Sirius and put down his glass. He poked Sirius in the forehead, "Insanity."

"I don't expect different results when I mess around in school," Sirius countered, "…but you do, when…"

Orion stared at him and smiled in a way that made Sirius nervous. Then he let out a mirthless laugh, "You're so clever, Sirius." He sighed and took a drink right from the bottle, "Well, I feel like we've made some progress. Do you want a drink?"

"No."

"Are you sure? You might need one for what's coming next."

"What are you going to do to me?" Sirius asked, trying to mask his fear.

"I'm going to…give you a history lesson." Orion walked toward the staircase and motioned for Sirius to follow him. Sirius didn't move.

"Come on, Gryffindors are supposed to be brave!" Orion mocked. He crooked his finger, "Are you a Gryffindor or aren't you? _Viens_."

Sirius went, slowly and cautiously. Orion took his wrist and climbed the stairs nonchalantly, never releasing his hold on Sirius. Orion led Sirius to a room he was all too familiar with; the room that held the tapestry that said _The Noble and Most Ancient House of Black_. Sirius heard Orion mumble a silencing charm and felt a flicker of fear.

"Look at it," Orion said calmly, "This tapestry is centuries old. Not that you'd care about that."

He didn't, but Sirius decided it might not be the best time to say so. What was happening? He was still waiting to hear what he was in for. Belt? Cane? Locked in the basement? He knew it was going to be bad; his fate had been sealed the moment Orion had opened that file.

Orion pointed to something on the tapestry, "You know what that means, don't you?"

"Always pure." Sirius said.

"I know you think that pure bloods have always been rich and revered in magical society and that your poor, innocent mudbloods have been raked over the coals. But it wasn't always like that. They hunted us first, never forget that. Muggles would burn us at the stake or have us drawn and quartered. In the medieval ages, wizards believed that the purer a wizard's blood was, the more magical properties it held. So what would happen is the pure bloods, including a good number of your relatives, would be hunted down and forced to participate in "experiments." And they usually didn't survive the experience. Do you know why I'm telling you this?"

Sirius shook his head.

Orion lifted Sirius' wrist and held it horizontal to them, palm side up. He sighed, "I'm sorry about this part." Before Sirius could even begin to process what that meant, Orion produced a switchblade from his pocket, flicked it open and forcefully sunk the jagged blade into Sirius' hand. Orion closed Sirius' hand around the blade with his own and squeezed it. Sirius yelled as he felt the knife cut through layers of flesh. He almost sunk to his knees but Orion moved behind him and held him up with his free arm.

"Stay on your feet. It's very important that you pay attention to this." Orion continued to squeeze his fist that held Sirius' and Sirius cried out against the pain, "I guess what I'm trying to tell you is…," he spoke slowly and deliberately as though he was talking to a child instead of the sixteen year old he was torturing, "it's very important to me that you remember how…how precious your blood is. You have to act a certain way to keep it. Do you know what I mean? Do you understand?" He lifted his fist which was dripping with blood and opened it in front of Sirius' eyes. Sirius felt like vomiting just looking out it. He could see glimpses of white bone, muscle, all bathed in his blood. It was as though looking at it made it hurt more. He felt tears run down his face and his lip was trembling. His hand was shaking uncontrollably and he could barely stay on his feet. A strangled sound escaped from his mouth and Orion forced Sirius' mutilated hand over his mouth with his own. Sirius shut his mouth, not wanting to swallow any of his own blood and tried not to vomit.

"Be quiet. I'm trying to talk to you," His father twirled the blade around in his hand casually, "What I'm saying is this; I'm going to take a little bit of your blood every time you do something that makes you unworthy of it. Does that sound fair to you?"

Sirius couldn't answer; even if he could have he was sure he would have just screamed. He threw his head back in pain, but it collided with Orion's shoulder, and the man tightened his hold on Sirius.

"No, no, we aren't finished yet. It was an awfully big file, wasn't it? I don't think that," he motioned to Sirius' hand, "will do. Do you have a preference?" He let go of Sirius hand and pressed the blade gently, but firmly against Sirius' stomach, "Here?"

Sirius shook his head.

"How about you just stop me where, alright?"

He moved the blade up Sirius' chest.

Sirius shook his head.

He moved it onto Sirius' shoulder.

Sirius shook his head.

He pressed the blade onto Sirius' cheek, "How about here?"

Sirius couldn't shake his head without getting cut. He felt more tears rolling down his face in fear.

"No objections? It'd be a shame to ruin such a pretty face." He dug the knife a little deeper into Sirius' cheek.

Sirius forced himself to speak through the pain, "Please…no…"

"Well, if you can't decide, I guess I will," Orion sighed, as if he was contemplating what color to paint the foyer and Sirius wondered if his father actually was insane.

Orion spun Sirius around and pushed him into a table. Sirius lost his footing for a minute and he fell face down onto the table so that his stomach was lying flat on top of it and his feet were still on the ground. Orion pulled his shirt up and Sirius felt the knife sink into his back. It was excruciating and seemed never ending. When Orion had finally finished, Sirius couldn't even summon the strength to pick himself up off the table. He just lay there, hoping his punishment was over.

"That makes us about even, don't you think?"

Sirius nodded his head very slightly. Nothing he ever had done could have deserved this treatment.

"You're embarrassing me, with all your antics," Orion pocketed that knife. And he casually raised his cane over Sirius' bloody back, "I'm putting an end to it, Sirius."

Sirius screamed as he was hit again and again. Was it ever going to end? Hadn't he been tortured enough?

"You're smart enough to know what will happen when I find out," It seemed that Orion was talking more to himself than to Sirius, "but you do it anyway. Are you trying to prove to me that you're not afraid? But you are afraid. I saw it in your face once I stepped foot in that office. You are so afraid. You're the same scared little boy you always were. You're just doing it to be a little bastard, aren't you?"

"N-no."

"Then why?"

"I-I don't know…"

"You don't know…stand up for a minute."

Sirius just looked at him. He couldn't move, not even if he had wanted to. It hurt too much.

Orion took out his wand, "_Imperio_!" Sirius stood up, "Much better. You should probably learn how to do these spells, you know. You never know when you might need them."

Sirius just shook his head. He just wanted it to be over.

"Come one, give it a try. I want you to learn."

Sirius shook his head no.

"Okay," Orion pulled out the knife again, "but unless you stop me I'm going to cut into your lovely face."

Sirius yanked his wand out of his pocket with his uninjured hand, and yelled, "_Imperio_!"

Orion kept walking toward him, shaking his head with a sinister smile.

"_Imperio! IMPERIO!"_

Orion was grinning at Sirius' rising panic and Sirius' only thought was to stop his father from hurting him anymore.

"_CRUCIO!"_

Orion laughed out loud, "That was pathetic!" He grabbed Sirius' wrist and twisted it hard enough to make Sirius drop the wand into his hand, "You have to mean it, you know. It's not as simple as yelling out a spell. You're feelings toward me are…what? Fear. Maybe rage from pain. You could never hurt me with that! You have to want me to feel pain. You have to revel in it. You have to enjoy the thought of me feeling exactly what you're feeling right now. Can you do that?"

Sirius shook his head. He could never be so cruel.

"Maybe you need a demonstration," Orion fingered Sirius' wand fondly, "Would that help?"

Sirius shook his head vigorously, "Please, no, Father…_please_…"

"_CRUCIO!"_

It was indescribable pain. Pain Sirius had never known before. It felt like he was being cut open a thousand times. It felt like he was burning over and over again. There was nothing he could do but wait for it to stop. He had never screamed so much in his life.

Orion lifted the spell, "You can't do it because you're weak. You sentiment is crippling you, and it always will. You have to let go of it to do what needs to be done. _CRUCIO!_"

And it began again. He couldn't see, he couldn't hear. There was nothing but pain. This time when the spell was lifted he vomited on the carpet, his body rebelling against the torture.

"One more?"

"No, please, Father, I've had enough!" Sirius cried hysterically, "I'll obey you! I'll do whatever you want. I am your loyal son. Please, I've learned my lesson!"

"I'm not so sure you have. I've heard that line from you many times. Am I to keep believing in the same line, expecting different results? What would that make me, Sirius?"

"It…it's different this time," Sirius choked out, blinded by tears and blood, "please…please…"

"Hmm…not much of a Gryffindor, are you?" He kicked Sirius slightly in the chest, "Are you?"

"No." He would have agreed to anything to keep Orion from cursing him again, "Please…no more."

"Get up."

Sirius struggled to get to his feet. Orion bent over and lifted him up, "There's one more curse, you know." He held Sirius' waist with one arm and pressed his wand to Sirius' neck.

Sirius whimpered in fear, squirming helplessly.

Orion whispered in his ear, "I could do it, you know. If I had to. If you made me. Do you think you can leave? There is nowhere for you to run. There is nowhere you could hide where I wouldn't find you. And I'd kill every last person who kept you away from me. Do you want that? Do you want everyone you care about to suffer and die, because of you?"

"No."

"You'll never disobey me again, will you?"

"No." He was broken. Orion let go of him, and Sirius dropped to his knees.

"You understand the consequences if you do?"

"Yes."

"You're going to stay here as long as I command your presence?"

"Yes."

"Alright then. I believe you."

He left the room. Sirius just lay there. He caught a glimpse of his back in the mirror behind him and saw what his father had carved into it.

_Toujours pur_.


	33. The Note

**A little short, I apologize. The next will be longer. Thanks for the patience. By the way, a reviewer mentioned that the title might not be approprite anymore. Thoughts on this? I'm open to suggestions :) Always, R.**

Peter had pretty much been let off the hook by his parents for the fight. His father was actually proud of him for standing up for his friends. Peter sat in his room, bored. He wished he was back at Hogwarts with them right now. He wanted to go on adventures, have fun…there had been far too little of that this year at Hogwarts. What was happening to the Marauders? They didn't seem to have much fun at all anymore. Sure, James still mooned over Evans every once in a while, and Sirius still cracked a joke or two but the dynamic of the group was off and Peter didn't understand why. Part of the reason they had done so well together was because their group had functioned effortlessly. James was the leader (though Peter knew Sirius would deny this to his grave) and he was the chief mischief maker. Confident and proud, James fearlessly led the Marauders through their never-ceasing pranks. He was decisive and commanding, yet still somehow affable and (sometimes!) a good listener. Sirius was his partner in crime; always by his side, always smiling, always laughing. Carelessly handsome and aristocratic, Sirius was always looking for the next fight, always ready to prove to his family that he was a Gryffindor and proud. Remus was the mediator. He weathered the many storms of the Marauders. He kept them honest (as honest as one could), he reined them in when a prank was too mean or too dangerous. He was the glue that held them together. He was scholarly and serious, but he had a wild side, same as the others.

And Peter was…Peter. Sometimes he felt like he was just along for the ride. Since he's joined the group he'd always wondered if he truly belonged. But this fight with the Slytherins had shown him another side to himself. He could stand and defend his friends. Perhaps he was a real Marauder as well. Perhaps he was an important member of the group. Peter was loyal. He was shy, but he was friendly too. And although he'd never have James' confidence, or Sirius' looks or even Remus' grades, perhaps he had a quiet softness they lacked.

* * *

It was late. James couldn't sleep. He tossed back and forth in his large bed, worrying about Sirius. He had tried to call his friend several times on the mirror, with no response. What worried James was that he had no way of knowing if Sirius was ignoring him of his own free will or if he was locked in the basement or something equally horrific. _One more try _James thought to himself and called Sirius' name quietly. Nothing. James got to his feet, unwilling to just lie there awake and walked downstairs. The Potter household was always silent late at night. Both of James' parents went to sleep early as they had both had work in the morning. He crept into the living room and sat down in an armchair, flipping on the lights. A house elf appeared in front of him almost instantaneously.

"Would Master James like anything to eat or drink?" It squeaked in a high pitched voice.

"Thanks, Marley. Maybe some tea."

The house elf beamed and vanished, reappearing what seemed only moments later with a tray with tea and some of James' favorite biscuits.

James sighed heavily and took a sip from his cup. Their punishment really was unfair. Dumbledore must have known what having to go home meant to Sirius. Sometimes he could not understand the old headmaster. The man had proven time and time again how he knew what he was doing, but at the same time he could seem indifferent and even uncaring about his students when they were not at school. But Dumbledore had always been an enigma, and probably always would be. James leaned back in the chair, closing his eyes and trying not to think about the state Sirius would be in when he got back to school. James couldn't even imagine what life was like for Sirius. Even when he had been younger and misbehaved his parents had never been physical with him. Other than a spanking here and there when he had done something particularly nasty, he had lived quite the charmed life. He remembered Sirius' fury at him over the summer and how he had raged about James' "perfect life." James supposed he was right. James had no cross to bear like his friends did. He had a loving supportive family, he wasn't a werewolf, he was rich and talented and popular. What was his great struggle? What was his pain? What kept him awake at night?

It was Sirius. Sirius kept him awake at night with worry, that much was clear. Sirius and his family. Sirius and his pain. Sirius and his low sense of self-worth. Maybe Remus had been right. Maybe he should have told a long time ago. What would be different if he had? James ran a hand through his hair. It was no use wondering "what if" now. He had respected Sirius' wishes (until accidentally telling Remus and Peter, of course) and that had to mean something. _Don't kid yourself_, said a little voice in the back of his mind, and James knew it was right. He was a failure as a best friend. He had promised Sirius that he would look out for him and James wasn't doing that at all. Sirius was getting knocked about and James was sipping tea in his favorite armchair. James felt sickened with himself. The whole situation was his fault, anyhow. He could have stopped Sirius from attacking Regulus. He could have broken up the fight instead of taking on Snape. He could have just walked away after the girl had escaped. He was selfish; he had really just wanted an excuse to punch Snivellus in the face, and he had put that desire above what had been best for Sirius. And that wasn't all of what gnawed at him. Remus had sent him a rather snippy owl he didn't appreciate much, essentially blaming him for the fight and for getting Sirius suspended. He had ranted on about rules and responsibilities and called James a horrible friend. Well, not in so many words. Still, James knew when he was being called a horrible friend. James couldn't decide if the letter was unfair or not. He thought it was a little harsh, but he couldn't argue that his fight with Snape was completely selfish and just plain stupid. And it had cost Sirius far more dearly than it had cost him.

James stood up and mounted the stairs back to his room, but he didn't lie down to try to go back to sleep. He walked over to the side of his room where Sirius usually slept. Since they were young, James parents had always just conjured extra furniture in James' room when Sirius came to stay and vanished it when he left, but this time James hadn't let them vanish it. He wanted to keep it there, as a subliminal message to Sirius to stay with them. This wasn't a completely logical tactic as Sirius wouldn't be around to notice if it was there or not, but it comforted James nonetheless. He surveyed the bare walls and empty bed. How depressing they were. He absently opened the drawer to a nightstand Sirius had claimed. A lighter, some broken quills, and a lone scrap of parchment. It wasn't the scrap of paper but the words written on it in Sirius' distinctive script that made James pull it from the drawer and study it closely.

_I just wish_

And that was all there was. The parchment was clean and smooth, except for one small crinkled circle. One solitary drop of water had affected the parchment, and James didn't have to be a genius to put it together. _I just wish_…what did it mean? Why hadn't he finished? Typical Sirius, on the brink of expressing a real feeling and then clamming up again, not wanting to upset the image of perfection he guarded so closely. James didn't know why he was so perturbed; it was a scrap of parchment, it meant nothing. He couldn't really convince himself of that. The parchment was more than a couple of words, it was Sirius; it was his pain locked deep inside, desperate to get out but not knowing how.

* * *

Though Remus never would've admitted it to his friends, Hogwarts was rather boring without them. He was lonely. He was spending a lot of time with Lily Evans, his last friend standing. But the two really only had prefect duty and schoolwork in common, and there were often painfully awkward silences between the two. He liked Lily well enough, but the fact remained that she wasn't a Marauder. Lily, on the other hand, was determined to know the secrets of the Marauders, and took every opportunity to squeeze as much information out of Remus as she could. She never missed a chance to insult James, but to Remus it all seemed rather forced and he wondered why she wouldn't just admit that he wasn't so bad. He brought this up rather casually, with disastrous results.

"You know, if you gave James a chance you might actually like him. He's a good guy."

"Potter?" she nearly spat out the water she was drinking, "I have no reason to ever give him a chance at anything. Ever."

There it was again. It was like she was trying to prove that she dislike him. She had never done that before, "Don't you think you're being unfair to him? I mean, if you weren't friends with Snape, you wouldn't mind him at all, would you?"

"He's an arrogant bully. And he doesn't care about anyone except himself."

"I think that's where you're wrong, Lily," Remus responded, staying calm in contrast to her growing anger, "I hate when people call James and Sirius bullies. That implies that they go after only those who can't protect themselves. Their quarrel with the Slytherins isn't completely their fault, you know. It isn't like they walked into the school and decided to torment all the Slytherins. There have been faults on both sides, and although I think we're all too old to keep fighting, neither side will back down. That's why it keeps going on."

"I just…I just wish they'd leave Severus alone," Lily responded, "He's never done anything to them."

Remus' eyes widened in surprise as he looked at her. Could she really be so blind? Memories flashed through his mind. Snape cruelly telling eleven year old Sirius how his mother would never love him now that he'd been sorted into Gryffindor. Snape tattling on Sirius' rule breaking to Lucius Malfoy. Snape hiding a boggart in James closet. Snape using a dark curse that almost cut through James' face. Snape jinxing Sirius at the top of a staircase that he'd almost tumbled down, had James not been there to grab him. Of course, James and Sirius were never the type to take things lying down, and had responded to each of the attacks with vigor (and perhaps a little harsher than was wholly necessary), but the bottom line was Snape was far from innocent. Couldn't she see that?

"Lily, Snape is no saint. You of all people must know that. And Sirius would never raise a hand against someone who had never hurt him, or someone who couldn't defend themselves. He knows all too well how that feels to inflict it on someone else." The last part had slipped out, but at any rate, she already knew his story, and there was no going back.

Lily bit her lip and nodded, looking rather ashamed of herself, and Remus felt a little guilty for playing that particular card on her.

"But sometimes, the things they do that are supposed to be funny actually hurt feelings."

Remus nodded. He couldn't argue with that. They both could be downright mean sometimes. But so could everybody. Remus felt he spent half his time defending his friends and the other half chastising them. They were capable of both terrific kindness and great cruelty. And perhaps they exerted the two a little too equally. But despite how they appeared to the rest of Hogwarts, they all knew right from wrong, at least for the most part, and deep down they all had good hearts, and Remus never had doubted them, not even for a minute.

* * *

_Grimmauld Place_

It was over. That was something to be grateful for. It was over, and he was still breathing. He couldn't think of much more to be grateful for. For a moment, he just lay there, letting the silence of the house comfort him. They were finished with him, alright. It was safe to leave. Sirius willed himself to get up and leave the room, but it was no easy feat. Every inch of him was shaking. He had never been hurt so badly in his life. He limped up the rest of the stairs and stumbled into his room. He didn't lock the door behind him. There was nothing left for Orion to do to him. He walked into his bathroom and looked in the mirror, face to face. There he was, the great Sirius Black, as he really was. He was certain he'd never looked worse in his life. His face was a mask of bruises. His eyes were bloodshot. He seemed to be coated from head to toe with blood, sweat and tears. And vomit. He went over the night's events in his mind. His hand had been cut open. His back had been mutilated. He had been beaten mercilessly. He had been tortured with an Unforgivable Curse. And his father! He own father had threatened to kill—

He ran over to the toilet and vomited. Well that was that, wasn't it? His own father was going to kill him if he tried to leave Grimmauld Place. He wiped his mouth on his sleeve, but didn't move. Why was he so shocked by this pronouncement? Hadn't he always secretly known? It was always quietly there; the ultimate consequence for disobedience. Maybe it was because he had never actually expected Orion to say it to him. Well, if he thought he didn't have options before…Sirius' heart sank. He was never going to leave this place. It had always been a prison, but now that Orion had actually showed him the bars he felt empty. There was no hope to be had.

Sirius struggled to his feet and wavered a little bit. He could barely walk. He was so tired. He was in so much pain. With the intention of washing the blood off his back he stepped in his shower, but instead of turning on the water he just sat down in the tub, fully clothed. He was too tired to try and clean himself up. He was too tired to even get to his bed. At least now he wouldn't get blood all over his sheets. _Stay awake_, he ordered himself, _you have to stay awake_. He tried to think about Narcissa, slowly backing away from the cruelty of the Blacks. He thought of uncle Alphard who used to smile at him for no reason at all, ruffled his hair, and sneaked him sweets and sickles. He thought of running free in the forest with Moony, Wormtail and Prongs. He thought of Mrs. Potter's warm smile and of Mr. Potter calling Sirius his own son. He thought of James' messy hair and his hazel eyes and how they seemed to glow near golden in the sunlight. But it was useless; the darkness was closing in. He just wanted the pain to stop. He had given up trying to keep his eyes open. He was tired of fighting his body, just as tired as he was fighting his father. There was no point in fighting anymore. He was beaten, in every sense of the word. And that was his last thought before darkness swallowed him and he knew no more.


	34. The Girl

**So very sorry about the wait. Don't give up on me!**

_It was warm and sunny; the perfect spring day. Sirius stood up from the soft grass he had been laying on and looked around. He heard familiar laughter and turned around, faced with his family. He walked over to them, feeling the wonderful feeling of the grass between his toes. He noticed he was wearing all white compared to his black-clad family, but it didn't bother him. He had always been different, after all. Regulus ran over and tackled him, laughing. They wrestled playfully, laughing boisterously until Walburga called out to her youngest son._

_ "Regulus, let him up now," she called in a light, musical voice, "Sirius must be going soon."_

_ "I don't want him to," Regulus pouted, the child Sirius always thought of him as, "don't leave me, Sirius!" Regulus hugged him tightly. Sirius hugged him back, saying nothing in return._

_ "Let him go now, dear," Walburga said gently, before walking over to Sirius herself, "Oh, my darling, I'm going to miss you every hour of every day." She kissed him gently on the cheek and he felt that hers was wet._

_ 'Don't cry, Mother," Sirius hugged her and she squeezed him tightly, "I love you."_

_ "I love you too, sweetheart," she whispered and Sirius heart ached with having to leave her. He turned to Orion, who placed a hand on his shoulder proudly._

_ "Don't be afraid. Gryffindors don't get afraid," he said with a teasing smile and he hugged Sirius as well, "I am so proud of you, son."_

_ "I'm not afraid, I'm ready." Sirius responded, hardly knowing what he was agreeing to. Orion led him over to a sparkling river with a raft made of white flowers floating on the shore. He stepped on to it gently, finding it much sturdier than it appeared. He lay down on the soft, velvety flowers and felt peace wash over him._

_ "Just close your eyes," Walburga said gently, her eyes still wet, "when you awaken, it will all be much better."_

_ He smiled and obliged, feeling himself gently drifting down the river, and into a deep sleep._

_ "Sirius, WAIT!" called and unfamiliar voice, disrupting Sirius' quiet. He lifted himself up onto his elbows and saw someone running alongside the river with him._

_ "Sirius, jump off the raft!" James called to him desperately._

_ "Why?" He was just about to drift under a rainbow. He wanted to know how it felt, to sail under a rainbow. He bet it was warm and comforting._

_ "Sirius, please, you have to jump! Trust me! None of this is as it seems!"_

_ Sirius frowned. He knew he could trust James, but what was he talking about. He was in a beautiful place, a place more beautiful than anywhere he had been in his life. Why did James want to ruin it for him?_

_ "Sirius, you have to trust me!" James was practically sobbing. What was wrong with him? "Jump, Sirius! JUMP!"_

_ Sirius jumped._

_ The water was cold as ice, penetrating every inch of him, down to his bones. _

Sirius woke with a gasp and felt cold water pouring on his head. Where was he? What was happening? Somebody had turned on the shower. He looked up, rubbing the sleep from his eyes. The dream faded away from him, leaving him cold and empty.

"What are you doing in there?" a familiar voice demanded. Orion looked down at him with annoyance.

"I don't know." His voice was scratchy and rough. How much had he screamed last night?

"You don't know? That's your answer for everything, isn't it? Well, get up out of there already. Stop acting crazy before I have you committed to St. Mungo's."

_I need to be committed after everything you just put me through_ Sirius thought to himself, but he chose not to respond. It just wasn't worth it. He didn't even try to turn the water off. The chill would help him wake up.

"You look terrible; you didn't even fix your face? What is the matter with you?" Orion said irritably, "Come here."

He knelt down and reached for Sirius and Sirius flinched so badly he hit his shoulder on the faucet. A strange look crossed Orion's face so quickly that Sirius almost didn't see it. He could barely begin to fathom what it meant when it was replaced by the signature hard expression Orion always wore. He took Sirius' chin in one hand and used the other to pull out a bottle of potion. He poured a little onto Sirius' face and it began to burn immediately.

"Argh!" Sirius cried out.

"Oh, stop it. It'll take down the swelling." And he continued to pour it on his son's face.

Sirius yelped again and struggled to get away, but it was difficult to maneuver in the enclosed space.

"I said, _stop_," Orion lightly cuffed the back of his head and Sirius stopped struggling, "Do you ever stop to think how much easier your life would be if you just shut up and did as you were told?"

"Yes. All the time." Sirius gasped.

"And?"

"Dumbledore says we have to make a choice between what is right and what is easy."

Orion stared at him for a minute before speaking, "Is that so? Does your hero Dumbledore always choose what is right over what is easy?"

Sirius' stomach dropped. The truth of the words cut him like knives. As much as he hated to admit it, his father was right. Dumbledore _had _chosen what was easy over what was right. He could have stepped in and helped Sirius. He could have stopped Orion from taking him. Mr. Potter certainly could have as well! So could have McGonnagal! And Uncle Alphard, who had known how he was treated for years! Why did nobody help him? Why did he have to take all the hits, standing up for what's 'right;' when the chips were down, nobody had stepped in to save him! Doubt rose inside of him like poison; was he just some pawn of Dumbledore's, used against the Blacks? Did Mr. Potter even care about him? Did he even mean it when he said Sirius was like a son to him? Had Uncle Alphard ever loved him, or had he just used Sirius as a way to get back at Orion?

Orion continued, "Tell me, Sirius, is all this worth it? What exactly are you fighting for son?"

"I thought I knew," Sirius responded quietly, "maybe I'm not so sure."

Orion turned off the shower and knelt down to look at him. He took his chin again, more gently this time, "You're fighting their battles alone, Sirius. Would they do the same for you? _Have _they done the same for you? You're smart enough to know that they're just using you. They don't care about you. They won't protect you. Not like your family will. Not like I will."

"You…you will?"

"Of course I will. You're my son. I would never let anyone touch you."

And for that moment, everything was forgotten. The curses, the screaming, the rebellion, the pain, the broken bones, the broken heart…everything. Like the last sixteen years of abuse had flown out the window. Because even though Sirius knew he was right and they were wrong, even though he was sure they were cruel, he knew he had to get away from them, there was always going to be that tiny little piece of him. The piece he thought died long ago, the piece he fought every day to smother and kill, that little piece of him that craved their love and acceptance. The piece that whispered to him that maybe, just maybe, one day they would be a family like James', a family that loved and cared about each other. A father who was proud of him, a mother that doted on him, a brother he was close with. As long as that piece lived within him, he would soak up any speck of affection thrown his way, despite the fact that it had followed crippling pain. And as long as that piece existed, Sirius knew he would never be free of them. Orion had been right about him; his sentiment was crippling him. Until he could destroy any semblance of love toward them, he would never escape their grasp. He knew all of this. But he was tired, and in pain, and just felt betrayed by everyone. So he didn't think about it and decided to just lie there instead, deluding himself, for the thousandth time, into thinking his father cared about him.

Orion swept out the room and Sirius just sat in the bathtub alone. He turned the shower back on, letting the cold water rouse him. Pulling off his clothes, he scrubbed viciously at the cut on his back. The last thing he needed was for it to get infected and him having to explain to Madame Pomfrey where it had come from. After a couple minutes he reached up to turn the water off and noticed that his hand has been wrapped up. Who had done that? He didn't want to think about it. He went into his room to put some clean clothing and heard a voice calling him softly. James. Where had he put that mirror? Was it still in his pocket? Sirius briefly wondered how many time James had tried to talk to him since he had been sent home. Probably about a hundred. He pulled out the mirror without looking into it and shoved it deep inside a drawer of his closet. James didn't need to see him right now. He pulled on some clean school robes, but just as he was tying his tie he yanked it off. It was no use. He didn't know what would set off his parents and at this point it was much better to be safe rather than sorry. He felt a little sick with himself as he put the tie away. He really was a coward. He didn't deserve to wear Gryffindor colors.

He trudged down the stairs, but when he got to the bottom he stood up straight and held his head high. He had barely stepped foot in the kitchen before his mother started.

"Sirius, I'm going to have tea with your aunt today so you'd just better stay in the house and behave yourself."

_Which aunt? _Sirius wondered silently to himself, but he just nodded in agreement to his mother.

"He'll behave." Orion said knowingly; he knew he had won.

"Before I go," Walburga looked at Sirius with disapproval, "I can't stand you with long hair; you look ridiculous. Don't you have any dignity? Sit down."

Sirius opened his mouth to argue, but closed it quickly. _Who cares? _He thought, _it isn't worth what I'll get for arguing. _He sat down and didn't protest when his hair was cut. He felt his heart sink a little when he saw her take a pair of scissors but he sat quietly without betraying any emotion. He watched the ebony chunks fall to the floor and found himself not caring whether it was uneven, or even if she shaved his head. What did it really matter?

He found himself remembering how, as a child, he had sat in the same place while his mother cut his hair. How different everything had been in those days! She had been a woman who lived for the happiness of her sons. She had been a doting mother; they had been precious to her. And motherhood had suited her as well. Sirius remembered how, as a child, he had thought his mother was the most beautiful woman in the world. It was because of her smile. She had a smile that could light up an entire room, a smile that was warm with love for her family. Sirius had adored her, and had always looked to his parents as an example of the purest and most true love, because that had been back when Sirius believed in love. Was it the simple naiveté of a child that had given him this impression? Or had something happened to kill their love, for each other and their children? Something that had embittered her so much he could barely remember what her smile looked like when it wasn't cruel?

"That's much better," Walburga stated, patting his shoulder, "you look very handsome. You look like your father now."

Sirius resisted the urge to smash his head on the table and just nodded, reaching up to touch his hair. He felt oddly upset over the loss of it. Maybe because it seemed to represent the loss of the last shred of his rebellion. He glimpsed himself in the mirror and almost sighed. He didn't look bad; he just didn't really look like himself anymore. But perhaps that was appropriate. He didn't really feel like himself anymore either.

And so he was alone. It was actually kind of refreshing. It was almost a relief. It was like a vacation from being himself. He wasn't Sirius Black. He wasn't rebellious, he wasn't a Gryffindor, he wasn't clever, charming or mysterious. He wasn't anything. And although it was nice to not be anything for once, Sirius wasn't sure he'd be able to reclaim himself ever again. He was so tired, tired of fighting everyone and everything. Tired of always fighting the losing battle.. He knew now, for certain, that nobody could help him.

He felt a strange urge to enter his father's office after passing it up the stairs. Sirius was not permitted in his father's office, because when he was five he had been playing in there and had accidentally dropped some important papers into the fire. Orion had spanked him mercilessly with his belt and told Sirius if he was ever caught in his office again he was going to lock him in the basement. The threat had always been enough to keep the near claustrophobic Sirius away, but today he felt oddly drawn to the forbidden room. He stepped inside and closed the door. The room was dark, but very warm. Sirius wandered over to the desk and sat down behind it. He glanced at the papers on the desk, but he didn't know what any of them meant, and it wasn't worth the effort of trying to understand. He opened one of the drawers and mindlessly groped in the drawer for something of interest. He let out a small gasp as he felt one of his fingers get cut by some broken glass. What was his father doing with broken glass in his drawer? He reached in and pulled out a photograph. It was of him and his father. He looked very young, and so did Orion. Sirius felt a strange tug looking at the picture. Orion looked just like him. Sirius deduced that he was around two years old, which put Orion at a mere nineteen years old. Sirius let out a little sigh, and turned to leave before something else caught his eye. Hidden in the corner was a Pensieve. Sirius couldn't help but wonder what memories Orion had to protect so dearly…Sirius turned to look behind him to make sure nobody was watching. He quickly dunked his head into his father's memories.

_He recognized where he was standing. The Forbidden Forest. A familiar, black-haired boy was sitting in front of a lake, his back to Sirius. Was that his father? The boy was wearing a black tank top and had an enormous tattoo of black wings on his back. Impossible, his father didn't have a tattoo! Let alone such a large and ostentatious one. But sure enough, as Sirius walked around to look at his face, there he was, as familiar as the sun. He looked sad, as he dipped a bare foot into the lake. A girl appeared, seemingly out of nowhere, next to him_

_ "I thought you'd be here." she said gently, running a hand down his back. She had dark hair and bright eyes. She looked vaguely familiar to Sirius; he was sure he'd seen her before._

_ Orion just looked at her with his wide, gray eyes, and said nothing._

_ She hugged him tightly, but he didn't respond. She looked as though she hadn't expected him to, and she began talking animatedly to him, "So, today in Charms, you just wouldn't believe what Charlus said to me! He asked me to the dance on Friday! Can you believe it? Should I go with him?"_

_ Orion said nothing, but a small smirk was creeping on to his face as he played with the grass._

_ "I told him I was already going; with it a tall, dark, mysterious, incredibly handsome Slytherin boy. So, I was wondering…is your brother free?"_

_ Orion laughed, loudly and joyously, and Sirius knew that even though he had lived with Orion for his entire life, he had never heard his father laugh like that before. Orion enveloped the girl in his arms, and said murmured, "I'm very fond of you."_

_ She laughed and pressed her nose against his, "Kiss me, my fool."_

_ He kissed her on the forehead and made like he was about to walk away, but she pulled him back none too gently and jumped into his arms, forcing her lips on to his._

_ "MMMMMWAH!" She cried dramatically, jumping down from his arms, "Come on, let's go back to the castle."_

_ Orion nodded, smiling and stretched, reaching his hands out to the sky. The girl placed a hand gently on one of the big black wings on his back._

_ "What is it?" he asked her and she looked at him with a half smile._

_ "It's just…I don't know. It's funny that you have this tattoo. When I first saw you, I told my friend you looked like an angel."_

_ He laughed again, "And what did she say?"_

_ "She said you were a devil."_

_ "And?" He demanded, grinning broadly at her._

_ "And…I'm still not sure which one you are. Maybe you're something in between. Like a fallen angel."_

_ His looked at her and shrugged a little, "Or a demon. That's a devil set loose on Earth. Wait five minutes before following, okay?"_

_ He walked away without looking back._

Sirius yanked his head free of the Pensieve, trying to understand what he had just seen. Orion had looked around sixteen in the memory; hadn't he been hitched up with Walburga at that point? He did some quick mental math. Yes, he had been born just after Orion had turned seventeen, hadn't he? And Orion and Walburga had been together for over a year at that point? Something didn't add up. Who was the girl? Sirius was sure he had seen her before…although if he had she must be much older now. He left the room, intrigued. What was the significance of that memory? What was Orion trying to hide?


	35. The Fourth Marauder

**Rumors of me abandoning this story have been greatly exaggerated**

**R**

The rest of the week passed without consequence. Sirius spoke when spoken to. He didn't argue, complain, yell…he didn't do much of anything, really. He spent a lot of time in his room, lost in his thoughts and ignoring James' never ceasing calls from the mirror. He wasn't quite sure why. He knew James would demand to know how he was and he didn't feel prepared to answer that question. He spent most of his time deep in his own thoughts. Wondering how things could have been different. What if he hadn't gone to Gryffindor? What if he hadn't argued at every step? What if he had listened to Regulus and kept his head down and just been silent when he didn't agree? It was one of the strategies Sirius had adopted during this long week in which he was forced to converse with his parents. It had come in handy the night before when Orion had returned from work in a rage about "Mudblood-loving scum". Sirius had wisely stayed in his room, remembering the many times Orion's rage had quickly changed tack to target him. Fortunately for him, Orion had been too distracted to notice that he had missed dinner. And therein lied the solution that could have solved all of his problems? Could his entire life have been this easy if he had just kept his mouth shut?

It was too late to look back. But the thought continued to gnaw at Sirius. Perhaps he _had _been a fool for standing up for such things. If Dumbledore wasn't willing to stand up to a bully, why should Sirius?

* * *

"Finally."

James stepped out of Dumbledore's fireplace and followed his parents to greet the old headmaster, but not before scanning the room for his best friend. Sirius had ignored all of his calls, whether willingly or unwillingly so he did not know. He was desperate for some sign that Sirius was alright. His father and Dumbledore were speaking in hushed tones and James strained his ears to hear while at the same trying to appear uninterested. He had only caught a couple of words when he caught his father's eye and turned away. Suddenly, the Floo roared to life. James spun around so quickly he almost lost balance.

"Sirius!" James called unnecessarily loudly and ran over to his friend, grabbing him in a bone-crushing hug.

Sirius stood stiffly, not throwing James off but not responding either. Realizing that his friend might be injured, James let go of Sirius reluctantly and moved his grip to his friend's shoulders, looking him square in the eye and trying to ask without using words what had happened. Sirius' face held a closed expression that was all too familiar to the crowd. His eyes were empty; he had once again retreated far back into his mind and it was going to take a lot more than a few probing questions to pull him back out.

"Sirius," James said in barely over a whisper, "what happened?"

"Nothing." Sirius responded in a monotone.

"Are you alright, Mr. Black?" Dumbledore asked gently.

Sirius nodded silently, as means of a response, but James saw his hand clench into a fist.

"Padfoot," James almost pleaded, "Sirius, what's goin—"

"I'm tired. I think I'll go back to my common room now." And he turned and walked out, not looking back at the adults gaping at him.

James quickly chased after him, "Sirius, wait up!"

Sirius obliged, still saying nothing.

"I've been worried about you. Why didn't you pick up the mirror? Didn't you hear me calling you?"

"I guess I forgot about it." Sirius replied dully, knowing James wouldn't believe him but not having the energy to come up with a reasonable excuse.

"Come on, Sirius, that's not true. Can you please tell me what happened?"

Sirius halted and looked James in the eye. James was again put off by how dull and lifeless his friend's stare was, "You know what happened, James. Just like Dumbledore and McGonagall do. Just like I'm sure the whole school does by now."

"Sirius, I—"

"You don't need to know more than you do. I don't want to talk about it. I don't want to think about it. Not now. Not ever. I just want to forget."

"You can't bottle up your emotions forever, you know. It's going to catch up to you...it already has!"

"Leave it alone, James." Sirius warned

"But—"

"PLEASE," Sirius looked at him with pleading eyes, "Please. Just let me forget."

James bit his lip. He didn't want to drop the issue. He needed to break Sirius out of the habit of burying all his emotions out of sight. James knew that since first year Sirius had laughed off the insults, shrugged off the cruelty, and ignored the pain. And this year, more than ever before, James was seeing the aftermath of this choice Sirius had made long ago, to shut off his emotions. This year Sirius had cried more than James had ever seen him do in all their years of friendship. He yelled and fought, and his aggression seemed endless. He was harsher on himself than he ever had been before. The most disturbing part was that James still couldn't figure out who Sirius' anger was directed toward. Was it his father? His brother? Himself? James was just worried that all of Sirius' pent up emotions would one day explode and that his friend would tear himself apart.

"Are you hurt?"

"Not so much anymore. Just tired. I just want to be alone. And to sleep. I want to sleep and never wake up."

"What do you mean by that?" James asked cautiously.

Sirius snorted humorlessly, "Not like that. Merlin, if I was going to do that I would have done it a long time ago. Although I suppose there's always time…"

"Sirius, that's not funny. Don't joke about that, okay? That worries me."

Sirius just shrugged, "I wouldn't do that. That would be too easy. I wouldn't give you all the satisfaction."

James stopped, "What's that supposed to mean?"

"It means what it means."

"I don't know how many times I have to say it before you believe me," James growled, "people do care about you, damn it!"

"Oh, please. I get it, okay? Nobody wants to take on my father. But I'm sixteen years old and he is my fucking _father_. If I can stand up to him, why can't Dumbledore?"

James said nothing. He had no answer for that.

"So that's that. I see things for how they really are now, that's all."

"I was furious when he let him take you," James said softly, "I wanted to go after you—"

"I know you did, James. I know that. You don't have to convince me. But it's time you realized something. You're just one person. And you can't save me on your own." He walked away briskly, and James resisted the urge to follow him. He knew when Sirius wanted to be left alone.

He sighed, and kicked at nothing. They had been making progress! Things had been getting better! _Sirius _had been getting better! Now it seemed as though they were back where they started. He regarded a suit of armor with narrow eyes and pretended it was Sirius' father.

"_REDUCTO_!" The suit of armor burst into a million tiny pieces. James watched with grim satisfaction. It had made him feel a little better.

"Potter!" called a familiar voice.

James turned around and sighed when he saw her, "I'm sorry, okay?" He fixed the armor with a simple flick of his wand. He proceeded to walk away when she called him back.

"Potter? What are you doing?"

Lily walked toward him, eyeing him with suspicion.

"I just lost my temper for a second," James said, already putting his hands up in surrender, "I'm not causing trouble or anything."

"No…I mean…I just meant, are you alright?" Lily asked him, "You look really upset. Is something wrong?"

Other than the fact that his best friend was walking around like he'd just undergone the Dementor's Kiss? Not really.

"Not really," James replied lamely, "just…just…you know, Sirius is..." _Being Sirius_, he silently finished.

"Oh," she bit her lip nervously, "I heard about you lot being sent home…that must have been rough for him."

James just nodded, knowing if he even opened his mouth he'd probably blurt out his and Sirius' entire life history. Something about Lily always made him want to share more than he should. He wanted to trust her.

"I should go find him." James said, more to himself but to her, but she responded anyway.

"Listen, James, I know you and me…I mean, you and us…_we _haven't always been on the best of terms," Lily stammered uncharacteristically, "I just mean to say if you—or Sirius—ever need anything, I'm here for you."

James nodded and almost smiled at her. It wasn't until he'd climbed three flights of stairs that he realized; she had called him James.

* * *

Sirius had been in his bed with the curtains drawn by the time James had returned to the dormitory. Remus shot a significant look at him and the two walked downstairs to the common room.

"What happened?" Remus asked immediately.

"I don't know, he won't tell me." James shrugged in defeat, "Did he say anything to you?"

"No, he came in, went to take a shower and got into bed," Remus sighed, "Oh, well. Maybe it'll be better tomorrow."

James refrained from rolling his eyes. He doubted this very much. He glanced up in time to notice that Peter had joined them.

"How's Padfoot?" he asked. James grunted and said nothing.

"How was your suspension, Peter?" Remus asked.

"I'm pretty sure nobody even noticed I was there," Peter responded with a small smile, "but I'm used to that."

"I still can't believe we got suspended," James growled, "over a stupid fight!"

"It wasn't just over a fight, Prongs." Peter said quietly.

James shot a glare at Peter that normally would have silenced him. But not this time.

"You could have stopped him, you know," Peter continued, "but you didn't. You were happy just to have an excuse to hit Snape."

"You were an equal part in that fight, if I recall," James replied through gritted teeth, "you could have stopped him too."

Peter shook his head, "No, I couldn't have. I wish I could have, but he would never have listened to me. He would have listened to you, though. You know he would have."

James leapt to his feet, "So this is all my fault then!"

"I'm not saying that." Peter was quiet, but firm, "You're always saying you're responsible for him. So take responsibility. You know you could have stopped that fight if you wanted to. Sometimes you only think about yourself, James."

"Maybe we should talk about this later…" Remus tried to interject, glancing at the people starting to stare.

James agreed as he normally would, by stomping upstairs and slamming the door.

Remus heaved a sigh and exchanged a worried look with Peter. What had happened to the Marauders?

* * *

The following days were unquestionably uncomfortable for the four friends. Sirius was uncharacteristically subdued, which was always cause for concern. He ignored near constant needling from James about everything from his family to the impending Christmas holiday. James was still angry at Peter for pointing the finger at him. Remus was trying to stay neutral, but a part of him felt like Peter had made a very valid point. The four friends were on decidedly shaky terms with the full moon only two nights away. They gathered in the dormitory to discuss plans. Remus sat down on his bed and looked over at him friends. James was looking out the window with a chilly look on his face. Sirius was sitting next to him, silently picking at his fingers. And Peter was sitting attentively, shooting nervous looks at James.

Remus cleared his throat, "So, is everyone okay with the full moon on Thursday?"

James snorted, "Why wouldn't we be?"

"Well, I just thought that maybe—"

"Nothing's changed, Lupin."

The very fact that James had just called him Lupin instead of Moony betrayed the fact that things had, in fact, changed.

"We can just put aside the arguments when the full moon comes." Peter interjected quietly.

"That's fucking inspired." James said sarcastically.

"Prongs…" Sirius began wearily.

"No. This has nothing to do with you." James snapped, and Sirius fell silent and went back to staring at his hands.

"It has everything to do with him!" Remus said angrily, "Can't we just talk about—"

"Talk about what?" James leapt off the bed defensively, "Talk about how it's my fault that Sirius got in trouble? I get it! It's all my fault!"

"That's not the point at all." Peter responded, looking remarkably unaffected by James' anger.

"James doesn't have to—" Sirius began but was silenced again by James waving him off.

"For Merlin's sake, James! It isn't about who got into trouble!" Remus exclaimed, "It's about not picking fights just to pick fights! It's time to grow up!"

"I WAS NOT JUST PICKING A FIGHT!"

"Please stop yelling." Sirius requested quietly, knowing it was futile because once James started yelling nobody could stop him. James ignored him.

"You're never going to listen to reason," Remus said, "you can't be wrong about anything."

Sirius got up with a sigh and walked toward the door. He wasn't going to stick around to hear more screaming. He'd had enough of that at home.

"Don't you dare walk away from this, Sirius Black," James practically spat, "you're the reason we're even having this conversation at all."

Sirius did as he was told. It was not beyond notice that under normal circumstances Sirius would have likely told James where to shove it; or perhaps just flipped him the finger and walked out anyway. But he just turned around and proceeded to look at the floor, like a child who was being punished by their parents.

"What is the matter with you, anyway? You've been walking around like a zombie ever since you've been back!"

"James, will you just lay off?" Remus asked with a sigh. But James' anger had already shifted and he was walking toward Sirius with determination.

"He can speak for himself!" James snapped. He poked Sirius, "Can't you?"

Sirius said nothing; he just stared at James without really seeing him.

"Damn it, Sirius, snap out of it! I'm not your fucking fath—oof"

Like a spark igniting a fire, Sirius sunk his fist powerfully into James stomach and hissed, "Shut the fuck up!"

James clutched his stomach in pain, but looked up into the blazing fire in Sirius' eyes and knew it'd been worth it to see him come back to life.


	36. The Full Moon

The full moon was upon them. The entire day had been painfully awkward, Peter thought as the three Animagi trudged toward the Whomping Willow. For their classmates, it would have been impossible not to notice the tension between the four friends. But here they were, and they were forced to make the best of it. They entered the Shrieking Shack in silence until Remus let out a tell-tale moan and James said, simply:

"Let's do this."

The four transformed into their animal counterparts and quickly moved outside.

Something must have been in the air, or perhaps it was simply the release of all the tension he had been feeling, but Moony was more aggressive than he had been in a long time. Padfoot and Prongs were quickly exhausted, trying to keep him at bay. The animals had moved to the Forbidden Forest, wrestling ceaselessly. Wormtail loitered around the edges, intervening every once in a while to nip at Moony's feet, hoping to distract him for a split second so Padfoot and Prongs could regain their energy. But it was useless; nothing would deter Moony.

The werewolf swiped angrily at Prongs, knocking the stag to the ground. Padfoot growled and bit Moony's flank a little more roughly than he normally would have. Moony howled in pain and slashed deep into Padfoot's back without mercy, causing the black dog to whine in agony. Prongs was back on his feet and tried to enter the fray, but Moony only had eyes for the smaller dog he was attacking. He bit Padfoot's collar and Prongs thrust his small antlers into the wolf, tipping him over. Padfoot whined pitifully and limped away from the two to rest by a tree, but Moony wasn't so willing to give him up. He leapt on top of Padfoot, and the two rolled around on the ground. It was clear the injured dog was outmatched. Prongs attempted to intervene, achieving nothing but an angry slash along his face. Padfoot howled and tried to bite Moony, but Moony tossed him with bone breaking force into a huge tree. Padfoot fell painfully and whimpered again, before barking angrily at his approaching attacker. He raised his hackles and growled menacingly, but Moony was undeterred by this threat and went for him again. Prongs jumped in between the two, standing over Padfoot like a strange guardian. Moony's claws went for the stag's face again but Prongs' pushed his antlers forcefully into Moony's stomach and the wolf fell over. Wormtail ran over and nibbled the wolf's paws, enraging it further. It tried to trap the rat, but Wormtail was too fast. He dodged Moony's claws with surprising dexterity, buying the other two a little time to recover.

Prongs gently nudged the black dog, receiving a little whimper in return. The dog's strange gray eyes were filled with pain. Prongs nudged him again; Padfoot needed to get up. Padfoot whined and tried to nip at the stag's leg, but Prongs just pushed the dog away with his antlers. The dog struggled to its padded feet and went to find Moony again for another round of wrestling. The stag stepped over him gracefully, and the two returned to the angry wolf. Seeing its opponents had returned, Moony disregarded Wormtail and lunged toward the two once more.

The three Anamagi left their recovering friend in the Shrieking Shack and began the long journey back to the castle. Once they were clear of the Whomping Willow, they changed back into human form. They certainly were worse for the wear. Peter was covered in scratches from when he hadn't dodged Moony quickly enough. James face was dripping with blood, a long slash that began from just under his eye to his chin was smarting painfully, and he had deep welts on his left shoulder. He gripped his bleeding shoulder under his robes and glanced toward Sirius, who had crashed onto the grass, panting heavily. The back of Sirius' shirt was soaked in blood from the slash Moony had delivered last night, his ear was bleeding freely, and he looked like he was struggling to walk.

"Padfoot, we should get you to the hospital wing." James stated, wiping the blood off his glasses.

"Says the one with the bleeding face," Sirius grumbled from his perch on the ground, "I'm fine, but you look awful."

"You both should go." Peter added rationally.

"Too suspicious," James declared, "But Sirius can't walk, so it'll have to be him."

"I can walk!" Sirius snarled and got to his feet before letting out a yelp and tumbling over.

"Yeah, I can see that." James responded, rolling his eyes.

"Oh, alright, I'll go," Sirius gave in, "But let me rinse off all this blood, yeah? Then I can just say I fell down a staircase or something."

James nodded in agreement and bent down to lift Sirius to his feet, "We need to hurry. Pomfrey'll be along soon to collect Moony."

Sirius just grunted in response before falling sideways into James, who caught him with relative ease. James lifted Sirius and, ignoring his friend's protests, proceeding to carry him toward the castle.

"I feel like a girl." Sirius grumbled discontentedly.

"Well, you sure weigh more than one." James responded with a sly smile.

Sirius then lifted one of his arms suddenly, cuffing James' head with his elbow and then promptly declaring that it had been an accident. When they had gotten back to the common room (thank Merlin for secret passages) James deposited Sirius on his bed, none too gently. Sirius got up quickly and winced noticeably, putting his hand on his back.

"That looks pretty bad. Let me see it." James reached for the back of Sirius' shirt and pulled on it.

"NO!" Sirius cried and jumped away, nearly falling over again, "I mean, it's fine, I just want to clean it out." He hurriedly went to the showers, still fully clothed.

James frowned a little. When Sirius was a first year, he refused to change in the dormitory, and instead would bring all of his clothes into bathroom with him, undressing and dressing in the shower. The other boys had just thought him extremely modest and ignored it. He loosened up eventually and became less and less bothered displaying the marks on his back , never too noticeable unless he'd just come back from summer or Christmas break. Of course, nobody had mentioned them, thinking that a troublemaker like Sirius was sure to have his share of scars from endless fights and adventures. But of course the Marauders had eventually discovered the origin of the marks, and Sirius had never gone into the shower to change again. Now that he was regressing into the old habit, James couldn't help but wonder what kind of treatment Sirius had endured over the course of his suspension.

Sirius returned from the shower more quickly than usual, his hair already styled perfectly. He'd already fixed his ear and his clean white shirt appeared free from blood. But he was still limping.

"Come on, let's go to the hospital wing." James said authoritatively and motioned for his friends to follow.

Sirius sat down on his bed and lay back, stretching out and looking at the ceiling, "Let's just wait for Moony to get back and he can fix me. I feel fine."

"Or we could just go now." James argued with a frown.

"Seriously, Prongs, I'm fine. It doesn't even hurt anymore and I don't want to answer a bunch of question or come up with a ridiculous story. Let's just wait. I'm exhausted anyway." And he flipped over on his stomach and didn't say another word. James knew he wasn't sleeping, but he also knew that there was no point in arguing with Sirius once he had made up his mind about something. And they all were exhausted. He heaved a sigh and lay down to catch some sleep before class.

Sirius opened his eyes very slightly and glanced at his watch. 8:00. They were going to be late. He groaned audibly, but couldn't make himself move, "Prongs," he moaned into his pillow, "Wormtail! We have to get up."

Neither boy showed any sign of moving. Sirius grabbed his wand off the nightstand and wordlessly twirled it in the air.

James crashed onto the floor and made a dangerous noise. He got to his feet and stomped toward the bathroom grumbling. Sirius could only pick up his own name a couple of choice words he would not repeat in front of any adults.

Sirius forced himself to sit up and stretched considerably, releasing a loud half moan/half yawn, and causing Peter to stir.

"Are we late?" Peter asked tiredly.

"We will be in ten minutes or so."

James emerged from the bathroom, and catching sight of his hair, made a valiant attempt to comb it before throwing in the towel as he had many times before. Sirius ran a hand through his own hair, and it all fell perfectly into place, causing James to sigh in slight envy.

"Can we still make breakfast?" Peter asked.

"If we run, maybe." James answered with a yawn.

"Forget about it," Sirius said, "you can go on, but I'm not hungry. I'll just see you in class."

James nodded and he and Peter raced out the door.

Sirius took advantage of his alone time by spraying on a bit of his cologne and investigating the wounds on his back. The marks from the wolf still looked angry and red, but his new "tattoo" courtesy of his father was fading rather quickly into a scar. Suspiciously quickly, Sirius thought. He counted the days in his head since he'd sustained the injury, and decided that it was, in fact, too early for the cut to be closed up. This ought to have worried him more, but he glanced at his watch again and hurried out the door.

He walked through the halls with purpose, trying not to think how he'd just gotten back to school but Christmas break was still closing in on him. He rounded a corner and almost ran into the last person he wanted to see: Regulus.

"Sirius!" Regulus exclaimed.

"Nope." And Sirius kept walking. Predictably, Regulus chased him.

"Wait, Sirius, let me explain."

Sirius kept walking and did not respond.

"Please, Sirius, just listen to me!"

Sirius continued to say nothing.

"I'm sorry!"

Sirius halted and turned so quickly Regulus nearly tripped over him, "I don't believe you."

And just like that, he was gone. Regulus was left standing alone. Sirius had finally given up on him.

* * *

Sirius wasn't contemplating if he had been too harsh or not as he rounded another corner. He was out of patience with Regulus. His brother had to grow up sometime, and Sirius couldn't defend him if he kept acting more and more like their parents. Instead, he skidded to a halt outside the Transfiguration classroom just in time. Professor McGonnagel threw him a look like she was trying to decide whether or not to scold him. Sirius quickly took his seat next to James and feigned attention.

"Today we will begin to learn about human transfiguration. This is a serious and dangerous art. If I catch any of you making light of it, you will be dismissed from class. Is that clear?" She looked directly at Sirius and James. They nodded in unison.

Once they had finished listening to McGonnagel's discussion, James turned to Sirius with a grin.

"You should transform into Padfoot, and we can pretend that I did it on my first try!"

Sirius rolled his eyes, "That is an unbelievably stupid plan."

"Why?"

Sirius decided not to dignify that with an answer and pointed his wand at James, waving it in the same way McGonnagel had.

James looked down at himself and snorted, "That didn't do anything."

"Oh yes it did. I was transfiguring you into a big oaf. Looks like it worked to me."

James kicked him under the table, "I wish I could transfigure you into somebody who was nicer to me."

"The only person nice to you is your mother, and that's because she's your mother."

James responded by trying to transfigure Sirius into a puppy. He waved his wand and tried with all his might, but nothing appeared to happen.

_*POP*_

A familiar black tail emerged from under Sirius' robes, wagging ferociously.

"Look! I did it!" James cried triumphantly.

"Change me back!" Sirius demanded, but McGonnagel had already descended on them.

"Very good, Potter! That is an excellent start!" She was practically beaming at him.

James grinned smugly at Sirius and Sirius glared back at him. James waved his wand again and a pair of perky black ears popped out of Sirius' head.

"Hey!"

"Well done, indeed, Potter. Twenty points to Gryffindor!" McGonnagel walked away to critique another student's work.

Strangely, Sirius could almost feel his dog-senses taking over. He suddenly contemplated scratching his ear with his foot. He opened his mouth to ask again to be changed back to normal, but all he managed to get out was:

"BARK BARK!" Sirius clapped a hand over his mouth in shock and James roared with laughter.

McGonnagel hurried back over, "See if you can complete the transformation, Potter. Class, pay attention to this!"

Sirius felt his face heat up a little as everyone turned to watch him. But another, growing part of him was excited for all the attention and wanted more.

"BARK!" Why couldn't he stop himself from doing that? "GRRRR…" He growled as James pointed his wand at him again.

He dropped down on all fours. Walking this way was much more comfortable. Why hadn't he realized that before?

"Who's a good boy?" James asked and in spite of himself, Sirius felt his tail wag and his tongue left his mouth as he started panting in excitement.

James couldn't help but laugh at his half-dog best friend walking around on all fours and panting for the entire class to see. Sirius would surely kill him for this later, but suddenly Sirius was no more and a small black puppy with gray eyes was looking cheerfully back at him.

The class applauded and James gathered the puppy in his arms and began to pet him; perhaps he'd keep Sirius like this forever. The puppy yipped for freedom and James released him. The puppy ran to the other side of the room and began licking the girls now fawning over him. James rolled his eyes and leaned back in his chair, wondering if Sirius was conscious and in control of his actions or if he was just the same way as both human and puppy. The girls squealed and giggled as they let puppy-Sirius sniff them with his damp nose.

"That was very impressive for a first try, Potter!" McGonnagel had never praised him so much. The puppy returned to James and James picked him up and looked into his curious gray eyes, trying to determine if Sirius was in there. He briefly wondered how long the effects would last until a sixteen year old with identical gray eyes was straddling his lap. He shouted in surprise and they both toppled to the ground.

"I hate you." Sirius said simply, getting up and brushing off his robes. He didn't offer James a hand up, he just sat back in his seat and stuck his tongue out at his best friend.

"You're just jealous you couldn't do it first." James replied smugly, pulling himself back into his chair.

"Whatever. I'm going to turn you into a bug and squish you."

"Please. You love me too much. Who knows what you'd do without me?"

"Get a full night's sleep for once. Your loud snoring keeps me up all night."

They continued to bicker, not noticing that the class had been dismissed, and that Peter was standing at the door, tapping his foot impatiently.


	37. The Curse

**Thanks for reading. R.**

James, Sirius and Peter headed toward the Great Hall for lunch, hoping to meet Remus there. Sirius had done his best to heal his own leg, not wanting Remus to feel guilty about hurting him. Having had years of experience healing injuries, he thought he'd done a good enough job, but his leg still felt a little wobbly.

"I'm _starving._" James proclaimed dramatically.

"I'm not. I'm exhausted. Maybe I'll skive off Potions today and take a nap." Sirius replied with a yawn.

"You can't do that!" James cried. Sirius looked at him doubtfully. Since when had James cared about skipping classes?

"I'm not making a potion on my own." James declared and Sirius snorted with laughter.

"Maybe I should leave you on your own; you made me bark in front of the entire class!"

"All you did was run around and lick some girls. Not too different from your usual behavior…"

Peter laughed heartily at James' jibe and Sirius rolled his eyes and smiled.

When they got to the Great Hall, James immediately spotted Remus sitting with Lily and made a beeline for them. He slid in the seat across from them and shot Lily a winning smile that made her roll her eyes before asking Remus:

"Alright, Moony?" James asked with an easy grin as Sirius waved cheerily at Lily.

Remus smiled weakly at them, scanning their faces the same way he did after every full moon to make sure they were all intact.

"Hey, Evans, this is official Marauder business?" James said to Lily, never dropping his charming smile.

Lily huffed in annoyance and stormed off. James' grin slid off his face.

"Subtle, Prongs." Remus said, failing to repress a small smile. Sirius snorted in agreement.

"What? What'd I say?" James demanded, oblivious as ever.

His eyes were wide with surprise and he appeared genuinely confused. Sirius felt a rush of affection for the always predictable James. That was one of his favorite things about James. James wore his emotions on his sleeve, and whether he liked to admit it or not, most people could read him like a book. Although it had gotten them in a fair bit of trouble several times (he was absolutely _transparent _to the teachers), Sirius would never have changed that about his friend. Growing up with a family that led him to believe that showing emotion was weakness, it was always refreshing to be around someone who simply didn't care enough to be manipulative of his emotions.

"I think she's warming up to you." Sirius said with a smirk.

"Please." Remus scoffed.

"No, really! She hardly ever yells at him anymore. Sometimes they hold a full conversation."

Remus gave him a pointed look.

"Er…half a conversation" Sirius amended fairly, "Still, progress is progress!"

James considered this and grinned again, "Think I should ask her out again?"

Remus and Peter sighed, but Sirius just laughed.

"I wanted to ask you lot something," Remus began, hoping to distract James from Lily before he humiliated himself again, "you seem alright, but I'm mysteriously injury-free, which makes me think I really tore into you."

"Nah, you were pretty tame." Sirius replied nonchalantly.

"Then where did that huge scar on James' face come from?"

"Sirius scratched me when I woke him up this morning," James said blandly, still looking at Lily, "he can be such a girl sometimes, honestly."

Sirius responded by elbowing him in the ribs painfully. James finally tore his eyes away from Lily to elbow his friend back.

"I'm being serious." Remus said with a frown.

"Well you're not doing a very good job of it," Sirius grinned maniacally at the opening, "try to look less constipated."

James and Peter roared with laughter and Remus struggled to maintain his frown. He heaved a sigh, but it came out more like a chuckle.

James and Sirius slapped five and for a couple minutes, the Marauders didn't have a care in the world.

After they had finished lunch, the Marauders made a beeline for the dungeons. James and Remus had teamed up to alternately bully and shame Sirius into attending class. Sirius was glaring at James who grinned triumphantly back at him.

"Some friend you are, forcing me to go to Potions!"

"Hey, would a real friend let you abandon your education for something as ridiculous as sleep?" James replied smugly, clapping Sirius on the back.

"You both skive too much anyway," Remus said bossily, "the professors _do _notice these things."

"Doubtful." Sirius replied shortly.

The Marauders rounded a corner quickly and ran straight into Lily Evans and Snape, knocking them to the ground. James couldn't stop himself from letting out a laugh, but silenced himself when he caught a glare from Lily. Sirius, not wanting another confrontation, offered his hand to her. After throwing another annoyed look at James, she took his hand gratefully. But before he could even pull her up he yanked back his hand with force and let out a gasp of pain.

"Padfoot?" Peter inquired curiously.

Sirius' hand jumped to his back and he hissed in pain and fell to his knees. It felt like someone was stabbing him. He looked at his hand and let out a yelp, seeing how it was damp with blood.

James dropped next to him, "What's going on, Sirius? What's wrong?"

Sirius forced himself back on his feet, grunting against the pain. What was happening to him?

"I'll get Madame Pomfrey," Lily said, rushing down the hall.

"Fuck, Sirius, what happened to your back?" James demanded, finally discovering where the blood was coming from.

Sirius paled visibly. His back. He knew what was going on. He suddenly broke free of James and ran as fast as he could to the nearest bathroom. Slamming the door behind him, he pulled off his robes and yanked his shirt over his head. And there it was, clear as day. _Toujours pur. _The grotesque wound had reopened and was dripping much more blood than it should have been. Why had it started bleeding so painfully out of nowhere? He winced as it stung, blood running down his back, and contemplated what to do about it. Suddenly, Sirius was struck with an awful thought. He'd touched Lily's hand right before it had started bleeding. Sirius went cold as he remembered Orion's whispered threat of spilling his blood if he did something unworthy of it. That was truly sickening. His wound was enchanted; was it going to reopen every time he touched a muggle born? _Toujours pur_. It was an evil reminder of the consequences of his behavior "unbecoming of a Black".

"Sirius?" James was at the door. Sirius ran over to the entrance and slammed the door just as James was opening it.

"Sirius, what the fuck is going on in there? Are you alright?"

"Please just get out of here, James!" Sirius called from the other side. He didn't really want to have to explain any of this to anyone.

"Open this fucking door, Sirius Black! Let me in!"

"Go away!" Sirius yelled, pushing all of his weight into keeping the door closed. How could he have forgotten to lock the door? His wand was in his robes, which were too far away to reach.

Struggling mightily, Sirius turned the lock and heard James swear with frustration. Sirius let out a sigh of relief and returned to the sink to run some hot water on his wound. But he had underestimated his friend.

BAM. James had kicked the door open and was stomping inside when he saw the blood on the floor, and Sirius, white-faced, at the sinks. He turned immediately and shooed Peter and Lily away, both of whom were trying to peek into the bathroom. Fixing the door handily with his wand, he walked slowly toward Sirius.

"Sirius, what in the…" he trailed off when he saw what was etched into Sirius back in the mirror behind him. "What the fuck is that? Sirius, who did that to you?"

Sirius shot James an irritated look.

"Oh."

Sirius just sighed and sat down on the damp floor. The cool wall felt good against his smarting back. James sat next to him.

"That's sick. That's really sick."

Sirius nodded.

"Why didn't you—"

"Why didn't I what, James?" Sirius snapped, looking at him.

"I…nothing, sorry." James finished quietly, looking back at Sirius' defiant, emotionless face. He willed the façade to crack, and for Sirius to let on that he was feeling something, but predictably, it did not. He wanted to hug Sirius, but had a feeling that if he tried Sirius would either start crying or punch him in the face.

"Well," Sirius said shortly, "it doesn't hurt anymore." He got up and looked in the mirror; indeed the cut had closed up once more. He wordlessly cleaned the bathroom with his wand and put his shirt and his robes back on.

"That's pretty…macabre. Even for him."

"Sirius," James began.

"We should go."

"We need to talk about—"

"Oh, James, just leave it alone," Sirius said irritably, "I really don't want to talk about it, and I can pretty much guarantee that you don't want to hear about it. Let's just go."

James, unwilling to let Sirius brush him off again, got up and stood in front of the door, crossing his arms, "Sirius, I think it's time you told me what happened when you went home."

Sirius let out a loud, humorless laugh, "You want to hear about it? You want to hear all about how I was beaten with the cane like a child? How I was cut up like an animal? How he threated to mutilate my face? Or how about when he, _my own father_, tortured me with an unforgivable curse, even though I knelt at his feet, like a coward, like a _dog_, begging him to stop? Is that what you want to hear about?"

James' mouth dropped open and his eyes were wide with horror, "He used _that_…on you?"

Sirius nodded with a shaky smile and in spite of himself, laughed again, "And I'm going back."

"What? No! Sirius, you can't even go back there!" James grabbed his shoulders, willing himself not to shake his friend in frustration.

"Yes I can. I can and I will. For this Christmas, and probably every single one after. Because if I don't, he'll come get me. And he told me if I left, he'd kill me. And he'll kill everyone who tries to help me, and that means you too, James. So I'll go back. Again and again. I'll not have you or your family hurt. Not on my account."

"Sirius, be reasonable! I won't let you go back there! I'm not afraid of your father!"

"That's the beauty of it," Sirius said with a tight smile, "you don't have to be."

"Sirius, I'm going to figure out a way to get you out of there. I swear. Even if I have to knock you out and kidnap you, I'm not going to let you go back and get tortured to death! For Merlin's sake, let the rest of us worry about ourselves and save yourself for once!"

"Sorry. I can't." And he swept past James without looking back.

"DAMN IT!" James kicked the door he had just repaired, once, twice, three times and screamed in frustration. He sank to the floor, gripping his hair and felt tears coming to his eyes. He couldn't stop himself from imagining Sirius screaming in pain, Sirius getting cut open; the images came quickly and vividly and he covered his eyes, almost as if it was happening in front of him and he could hide from it. But they were inside his head and he couldn't escape. Hate like he had never known boiled in the pit of his stomach, and suddenly he saw himself calmly walking to Number 12 Grimmauld Place and placing his hands around Orion Black's neck and squeezing it tighter and tighter until—

"James?"

James slowly moved his fingers from his eyes and saw Lily kneeling in front of him. Under any other circumstances, he would have felt embarrassment, but he was spent.

"What happened to Sirius?"

James just shook his head slowly.

"I understand." She said gently. And she wrapped her arms around his neck and hugged him tight.

James felt the first tears escape his eyes as he hugged her back. His heart swelled with love for the girl he knew would never feel the same way. She was the kindest girl he'd ever met and though he knew he didn't deserve a minute of her time, he was so grateful she was there for him.

"Everything's going to be alright, you know." She whispered to him.

James wished with all his being that he could believe her, "No, I don't think so. Not this time."

* * *

Sirius was just hoping to reach Gryffindor tower without any trouble. But, predictably, trouble found him.

"Where're you running off to, little Gryffindor?" called an awful, familiar voice.

Sirius spun around, wand at the ready. Lucius Malfoy was ambling down the halls like he owned the castle. Sirius could hardly think of anyone he'd like to see less right now. Sirius didn't truly hate many people, but Lucius Malfoy surely was one of them. Malfoy was worse than mean, he was downright cruel, and unfortunately, almost nobody seemed to notice. He had been a prefect and Head Boy when he had attended Hogwarts, and he had the ability to be so charming that all the teachers loved and trusted him. Nobody seemed to notice that Malfoy would torture the younger students mercilessly, especially Sirius. Sirius had spent the better part of four years at Hogwarts fearing and dodging him. Now that he was older, Sirius knew that Malfoy was nothing more than an oversized bully and he had little patience with him. But a small part of him still shivered when he thought about how afraid he was of Malfoy as a child. How Malfoy had almost tricked him into drowning when he was six, and the countless times Malfoy had terrorized him at school.

"What are you doing here, Malfoy? Looking for something else to tattle to my father about, are you?"

Lucius shook his head in mock pity, "Oh, Sirius, I was only looking out for you. It isn't my fault that you get yourself into trouble so often."

Lucius was only slightly taller than Sirius, but he'd always have a way of making Sirius feel very small. The same way his father did, "Well, I'm not looking for any trouble. So will you please leave me alone and find someone else to annoy?"

"I'm not up to anything either," Lucius said smoothly, "just came by to visit your cousin."

"Great. Then get out of my way." Sirius snarled, and he made to push past the older boy.

"Not so fast, boy," Malfoy caught Sirius' arm and spun him against his will, "I know a little something I think may interest you."

"Not interested." Sirius started walking away.

"Pity to hear about your grandparents," Lucius said casually and Sirius stopped and turned around to glare at him, "and your dear uncle Alphard, of course. You're just losing family members left and right, aren't you?"

Sirius looked at Lucius and tried to gauge what he knew.

"Hope you're not next," Lucius continued with a smirk, "that'd be a pity."

Sirius couldn't think of a response, so he decided not to say anything.

"The Noble and Most Ancient House of Black may be coming to an end." Lucius said in mock sympathy.

"You'd love that, wouldn't you?" Sirius snarled, "Then the Malfoy's would go up in stock instead of always playing second fiddle to the Blacks."

"Oh I'm not too worried about that," Lucius replied smugly, "A good marriage or two can solve that problem easily."

Narcissa. "You leave her alone, you snake," Sirius threatened, "she deserves better than the likes of you."

"Does that mean I don't have your permission to ask for her hand?" Lucius asking mockingly.

"You filthy bastard! You don't give a shit about her! You're just trying to boost your family!"

"But I do care about Narcissa. I care about her pretty face, and her good lineage, and her big—"

"You shut up about her." Sirius spat.

"You're awfully defensive; she's only your cousin." Lucius said, looking supremely unconcerned with the threat, "Unless you're like the other Blacks, and her being your cousin gets you going? Personally, I always thought you had different…inclinations. Probably because every time I see you, you're riding on James Potter's-"

Sirius drew his wand again.

"Go on," Lucius narrowed his eyes and smiled, "Really. I want you to. I will drop you so fast; it'll wake up your dead relatives."

Sirius lowered his wand reluctantly and just shook his head. He wasn't going to let Malfoy provoke him over something stupid. He wasn't going to get sent home again. He wouldn't survive it.

Lucius sighed, clearly disappointed, "Pity. I had such a spanking ready for you."

His fist reacted fasted than his brain, but as usual, Malfoy was ready for him. He grabbed Sirius' wrist and twisted it so hard that Sirius let out a cry of pain in spite of himself. Sirius tried to pull himself free but Lucius slammed him against the wall hard enough to make him see stars. His free hand closed around Sirius' throat. Sirius glared at Malfoy, hating him.

"You're so predictable." Malfoy laughed, his hand tightening around Sirius' throat.

Sirius glanced around at the empty hall, but no one was there. He looked back at Malfoy and wished he hadn't. Malfoy's chilly gray eyes and wide grin held cruelty all too familiar to him. Sirius could almost feel himself shrinking in fear. Malfoy's pupils were dilated and huge and a disturbing thought crept into Sirius' mind about the way his enemy was looking at him…

"If you really want to know why I'm here, I'll tell you," Lucius said silkily, "I'm…recruiting."

"For…what?" Sirius responded, still struggling to breathe.

"Oh you'll find out soon enough. I daresay you'll be one of us before you know it." He let go of Sirius and Sirius retreated quickly, rubbing his throat.

"Anything you're a part of I'd want nothing to do with." Sirius grumbled.

"Don't be so sure about that, boy. It's all a matter of…leverage."

Sirius just rolled his eyes. He had no idea what Malfoy was talking about, and he didn't care to find out, "If we're through with pleasantries, would you please fuck off out of here? You need to go lick my aunt's feet if you want her permission to marry Narcissa."

"Run along, then, off to your blood traitors and Mudbloods. While you can."

Sirius made a noise of disgust in the back of his throat and rolled his eyes, "You are an insane person, Malfoy. And I've outgrown you."

* * *

Sirius did want to find James (though not for the reasons Malfoy had alluded to) and tell him about what was about to happen to Narcissa. But when Sirius had finally managed to track him down it was in their dormitory at the end of the day. Remus and Peter weren't back yet. It was just the two of them. Sirius opened his mouth to say something about Malfoy, but stopped when he saw the look on James' face. James was sitting silently on his bed, holding his face in his hand. Sirius realized he hadn't given James adequate time to recover from what Sirius had told him earlier about what had happened over his suspension. Sirius sighed softly, wishing he had just kept his mouth shut about it. He hated that James had to share in his pain. He hated that James would sit there and feel guilty when he couldn't have done anything to stop what had happened from happening. It must have been tearing him up inside, knowing the full extent of the torture Sirius had endured and feeling helpless to have stopped it. Sirius knew this because if their roles were reversed he would have felt precisely the same way.

He couldn't bother James tonight. He'd done enough. So he just sat down next to his closest, most trusted friend in the world and leaned his head on James' shoulder, hoping that he could say, without words, that he was sorry that James would feel even a fraction of the pain he had felt after that night. James' arm came up around him, and James hugged him tightly, as if he never wanted to let him go. Sirius just sat there, letting James hold on to him because he knew it'd make James feel like he had enough power to keep him safe, even though, when it came to the Blacks, his friend was just as powerless as Sirius.


	38. The Dream

**I haven't forgotten you. I just forgot myself for a while.**

**r**

Sirius slept restlessly that night. He'd been disturbed by a particularly vivid dream, one so real he could remember every detail. He wondered to himself whether it could have even been a memory, buried deep inside. In the dream, he was a small child, hardly older than six, and he'd been playing outside with a few other boys his age, when a dark cloud had passed overhead.

_Suddenly, a young man with short black hair and a familiar face appeared in front of Sirius. Sirius immediately recognized his father. Without so much as a word, Orion lifted Sirius and slung him over his shoulder like a sack of potatoes. The other children stared with wide eyes, as Sirius was carried off, protesting loudly._

_ "What are you doing? Put me down!" Sirius cried out._

_ "We're going home." Orion said shortly._

_ "I was playing with my friends!" Sirius whined, hitting his father's shoulder uselessly._

_ "Your friends?!" Orion practically spat with disgust. He mounted the steps to Grimmauld Place and slammed the door behind them. Sirius squirmed, eager to be let down, but Orion didn't loosen his hold, and proceeded to carry his son up the stairs. It was then that Sirius realized what was about to happen._

_ "No!" He cried out, and he already felt the tears coming, "No! Let me down! I didn't do anything! Please! Let me down!"_

_ Orion closed his bedroom door behind them and finally placed Sirius on his feet to look directly in his eyes, "Those boys are not your friends."_

_ "Yes they are!" Sirius stomped his foot to punctuate his point between sobs._

_ "No, they are not!" Orion yelled, "They're mudbloods, and their parents are mudbloods, and you'd better stay away from them!"_

_ Sirius stuck out his bottom lip, "No."_

_ Orion's face darkened and he grabbed the boy and pulled him over his knee. The smacking noises of his hand against his son's bottom were nothing compared to the tantrum Sirius was throwing, kicking his feet and screaming his dissent._

_ Orion had to shout to be heard over him, "You stay away from them! They'll hurt you and they'll take you away! They're dangerous!"_

_ Walburga flew into the room at the sounds of her son's wailing, "What in the world is going on in here!"_

_ "He was with the mudblood kids!" Orion snapped, as Sirius cried out for his mother, reaching his arms out to his ally for comfort._

_ "He didn't know they were mudbloods," Walburga said, gently taking Sirius in her arms. He sobbed on her shoulder and she held him close, stroking his hair, "did you, sweetheart?"_

_ "Yes, he did," Orion spat, "and when I told him to stay away from them, he said no!"_

_ "Don't be so hard on him, he's just a child," Walburga admonished, kissing her son on the cheek._

_ "He put himself in danger," Orion said, sounding defeated, "I won't have him around them."_

_ "He's alright," she said softly, "we all are. Right?" _

_She rubbed his shoulder and Sirius noticed for the first time that there were strange markings there, like old wounds that had never healed over a strange black shape._

_ Orion just nodded, took her hand in his and squeezed it tightly, like she might disappear._

_ Walburga released Sirius, and he began to stomp his way out of the room to sulk. Before he left, he looked back at his parents to make sure they were paying attention. _

_But they weren't. His mother was cradling his father's head in her arms. His shoulders were shaking and he looked sadder than Sirius had ever seen him._

_Seeing how sad he'd made his father made Sirius forget his anger instantly with a desire to be forgiven. His eyes filled with tears again. He ran back in the room and launched himself at his father. Orion picked him up and held him close._

"_I'm sorry." Sirius whispered._

_Orion said nothing, just shushed him gently, and Sirius clung to his neck, hardly noticing that his father's cheek felt damp._

Sirius and James had reached a bit of a stalemate. James wanted to keep pestering Sirius about not going home, and was increasingly nervous as the holidays were almost upon them. On the other hand, he knew Sirius had made his decision, and was becoming increasingly snappish every time James brought it up. Part of him felt like all the Marauders had done this semester was fight and he didn't want another. So they reached a compromise in which Sirius won (as he always did, James thought resentfully) and would go home but he had promised to talk to James on the mirror if he got hurt, no matter how bad it was. Sirius promised he would leave if things were getting too rough.

James had explained the plan sheepishly to Remus and Peter, who had exchanged a dubious look but said nothing. James was grateful; he hated it as much as they did but the fact of the matter was that Sirius was going to do whatever he wanted to do, and nobody could stop him.

The Maraudes had congregated by their favorite willow tree facing the Black Lake. The chill in the air betrayed how fast winter was coming, and all that was coming with it was enough to make James bury his face in his scarf. He already missed fall; he missed the fresh scent in the air and the leaves changing colors and how thoughts of Grimmauld Place had seemed light years away. Though he supposed that wasn't entirely true. Sirius' unpredictable mood swings and the fight that had almost torn them apart had been enough to keep James mind constantly on Grimmauld Place and all it represents.

"Why are we out here? It's so cold!" Peter had said it in a reasonable tone of voice, but James still heard the whine behind it.

"It's not so bad," Remus said, rubbing his gloved hands together, "I've missed being outdoors. It's good for people watching."

"Snake watching." Sirius grinned, nodding to the group of Slytherins walking proudly across the lawn.

In spite of himself, James' eyes were drawn to his enemy. Snape looked pathetic, stumbling after Macnair and the others, laughing as they closed in on a couple Hufflepuffs.

"Look at him; following them around like that!" Sirius said gleefully, "Like they'd ever really accept him! He's nothing to them! He looks like a dog running back to the master that beats him."

"Like you, then." James mumbled before he could stop himself.

He winced, realized how cruel the words leaving his mouth had been. He didn't have to look up to know that Sirius had heard him. When he did he saw that Sirius' smile had faltered and that his cheeks were tinged pink. James knew it had nothing to do with the cold. Sirius betrayed little when he was upset most of the time, but James had learned to notice even the smallest details that might hint toward what his friend was feeling. He opened his mouth to apologize, but the damage had been done. Sirius seemed to sink into himself a little, like a child being put in his place. He wrapped his arms around his knees like he was protecting himself, and James was sure it was the same pose he adopted when he family was yelling at him. The thought that Sirius could be acting around James the same way he acted around his family made James want to rip his own hair out. He settled instead for squeezing Sirius' shoulder gently and rubbing his back, trying to silently convey that he hadn't meant what he said.

Sirius smiled at him in a way that made clear that he was forgiven, but James' stomach lurched all the same thinking about how it resembled all too well exactly what Sirius had been mocking Snape about.

"What's wrong?" Remus asked them, noticing James' hand kneading the back of Sirius' shoulder.

"Just…" James considered how to proceed, "this whole going home thing…"

"Relax, Prongs," Sirius flashed his careless smile, "everything is going to be fine."

But as they looked toward each other in silence, Sirius himself was having trouble believing these words. The fact of the matter was that Sirius had never felt less prepared for the horrors ahead. Going home for the holidays meant that the Blacks would have a traditional "family" dinner in which pretty much everyone who didn't like Sirius would be around the same table, forced to speak civilly with one another. To make things worse, his only two allies at these functions would not be attendance. Sirius' Uncle Alphard was dead and Andromeda, Sirius' favorite cousin, had been disowned last year after she had shockingly announced that she was pregnant and marrying a muggle-born. That had been one of the least merry holidays ever in the Black house.

_The Blacks had gathered in celebration of Sirius' cousin Bellatrix's engagement to Rodolphus Lestrange. The family was thrilled—the Lestranges were a pureblood family nearly as rich as the Blacks themselves. It was a good match. Sirius was already bored; he hated these dreadful affairs. All the women would gush over flowers and dresses and the _ring_, and all the men would act all mate-y, like they didn't hate each other, and the younger Blacks like Sirius, Narcissa and Regulus were left without much to do other than wish they were somewhere else._

_ Sirius sighed, poured himself a hefty glass of red wine, drank it quickly, and poured himself another. He felt someone yank the bottle away from him._

_ Orion glared at him wordlessly, and he took the bottle away. Sirius sighed. So much for his entertainment._

_ Narcissa giggled at him and Sirius shot a smile at her. She quickly regained her composure after a sharp look from her mother._

_ "Having fun, my boy?" Alphard sat down next to him with a genial smile. _

_ "Not really."_

_ "Hate these things, myself. Such pointless ceremony, don't you think? Not unlike weddings themselves I suppose!"_

_ "Is that why you haven't married?" Sirius asked._

_ "Oh, I could never get married," Alphard grinned, producing a bottle of wine out of nowhere and, winking at Sirius, poured some in Sirius' glass, "I am too much in love. Oscar Wilde said that, you know!"_

_ "That doesn't make any sense." Sirius replied, taking a hearty swig, and almost smiling as it warmed him._

_ "Oh, yes it does. Just look at your parents!"_

_ Sirius laughed louder than he meant to and reddened a bit when his mother gave him a harsh look. Sirius had a feeling she had overheard what Alphard had said._

_ "I'm only joking, Sirius. Marriage is great, for some people. I just…relish solitude." Alphard took a deep gulp of a brown liquid and smiled in a sad way._

_ "What's that?" Sirius demanded._

_ "This? Muggle Scotch. Twenty year vintage. Cost me an arm and a leg. Say what you will about muggles, but they produce much better scotch than we do! Would you like to try some?"_

_ Sirius glanced around to make sure his father's back was turned and nodded eagerly._

_ Alphard let out a short laugh and he proceeded to pour a generous into his glass and pass it to Sirius. Sirius took a large sip and spat it everywhere._

_ "Well, don't throw it back like a butterbeer!" Alphard chortled, "Sip it slowly."_

_ A couple of sips later and Sirius almost liked the scotch. Almost. And when he had finished the glass, he had to admit, the whole affair was beginning to seem like much more fun._

_ "Uncle Alphard," he asked suddenly, surprised by his own daring, "how come you haven't been disowned?"_

_ "Whatever do you mean, my dear boy?" Alphard had somehow produced another drink, clear like water with a lime on the side._

_ "Well…" Sirius slurred, "I mean, you don't believe in all this…this pureblood stuff. But you still come to these parties and things…"_

_ "Ah, yes. Well…they put up with my…oddities as long as I don't broadcast them. Besides, I like being part of this family. Isn't it nice to be the odd one out?"_

_ "No…" Sirius replied, "Not for me…they all just hate me!"_

_ "Well, sanity skips a couple of generations in our family, as you know."_

_ Sirius cackled loudly and boisterously, and this time he had definitely caught some attention. His face was very warm and he covered his mouth with his hand, but couldn't stop giggling. Orion walked over to them, arms crossed._

_ "Oh, now you've gotten us in trouble," Alphard said with a smirk, "not to worry. I'll just say you're overtired."_

_ Sirius continued to snicker, and as Alphard diverted Orion, he took a gulp of the clear liquid. He liked this much better than the scotch, and drained the glass easily._

_ "What's going on over here?" Orion asked suspiciously._

_ "Just spending some quality time with young Sirius." Alphard said smoothly, shooting a wink at Sirius, who stifled another laugh._

_ Sirius got up to defend himself, but the room was spinning. He swayed dangerously and fell backward over his chair, hitting his head painfully on the hard floor. Sirius just laughed again, unable to stop himself. _

_ "Oh, for Merlin's sake, Alphard!" Orion hissed angrily, and he hoisted Sirius to his feet. Sirius stumbled again and Orion held him upright in place._

_ "He's fine, just a little overtired." Alphard waved a hand dismissively._

_ "Do I look like an idiot to you?" Orion snarled. Sirius giggled in spite of himself._

_ "May I have everyone's attention, please?" Came a soft, familiar voice from the center of the room. It was Andromeda. She looked extremely nervous about something._

_ "I wish there was an easy way to say this. I'm pregnant." The room fell dead silent. "I'm going to marry the father." She took a deep breath and looked square at her mother, "He's a muggle-born."_

_ And all hell broke loose._

_ "He's a MUDBLOOD?" shrieked Bellatrix._

_ "Muggle-born." Andromeda corrected in barely a whisper._

_ "How could you?!" screeched her mother._

_ "You muggle-loving whore!" Cygnus roared, and he raised a hand to strike her._

_ Sirius broke free of Orion to stop him, but could barely keep his balance._

_ "Sirius, STAY OUT OF IT!" Alphard yelled at him, but Sirius ignored him and pushed through his relatives to defend Andromeda. He stumbled before he reached her and didn't make it in time to stop her father from hitting her in the face. _

_ Andromeda cried out in pain and tried to defend herself, but her family was relentless._

_ Sirius got in between them, barely keeping his balance. He just yelled, "Don't touch her! Don't you fffffucking touch her!"_

_ Cygnus hardly glanced at him, just pushing him out of the way forcefully, "You stay out of this, boy!"_

_ Sirius tried to push back, but his uncle had lost patience, easily sending him to the floor with a blow to his face. Sirius yelled, "Leave her alone!"_

_ But nobody was listening. Orion had already appeared; he pulled Sirius to his feet again and yanked him away from Andromeda forcefully. Andromeda's own mother was slapping her in the face repeatedly. Andromeda was screaming and crying. Sirius struggled valiantly against Orion, who was grunting with the effort of keeping him still._

_ "Stop it! Stop! Get off of her!" Sirius yelled._

_ "Sirius, enough!" Alphard said angrily._

_ "You…you could stop this!" Sirius cried, "Either of you could!"_

_ But they did nothing._

_ And whether it was from the excessive alcohol or the fury and pain in seeing Andromeda being beaten, Sirius could not do the same. He elbowed Orion in the stomach with all of his strength and broke free. Orion doubled over with a grunt of pain, but Sirius didn't get far. Alphard swore loudly, pulled out his wand and pointed it at his nephew. Sirius fell to the floor in an instant, his legs refusing to move. Alphard removed the jinx and quickly helped Sirius to his feet. He'd wasted his time as Orion had recovered from the blow to his stomach and retaliated with a backhand even more vicious than Cygnus' that sent Sirius sprawling to the floor again, crying out in pain._

_ "Orion!" Alphard roared, grabbed his brother's wrist, "For Merlin's sake! That was too hard! He can't even stand up straight!"_

_ Sirius put a hand to his throbbing face and felt tears coming. He didn't try to get back on his feet. Orion shook his brother off and yanked his son up forcefully, grabbed his chin with one hand and clamped the other down on his shoulder._

_ "If you ever try something like that again, it'll be the last thing you ever do. Do you understand me?"_

_ Sirius nodded as best as he could in his father's grip and tried to turn his head to see what was happening to Andromeda. He saw his own mother spit on her, and Narcissa with her face in her hands. Orion forced his chin back to face him painfully and snapped, "I said, DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?"_

_ "Yes!" Sirius cried, and, to his horror, felt tears rolling down his cheeks. Emotions were hitting him like tidal waves; he was devastated, but furious. And there was still a bit of him that wanted to laugh. He was momentarily distracted by the spells viciously flying toward Andromeda and the sound of his aunt screaming._

_ "GET OUT! GET OUT!"_

_` Andromeda got to her feet shakily. Her face was bloody and Sirius could see bruises forming. _

"_I'll miss all of you," she said quietly, "And I still love you. Even if no one will have me stay."_

_ Sirius opened his mouth to say something, anything, to make her stay but Orion clamped a hand over his mouth and all he could do was let out weak, muffled sounds of protest._

_ But she walked out the door. The only sound left was Narcissa's quiet weeping. _

_ Sirius made an attempt to follow her, but he was yanked back once more by his father, "No. You can go upstairs, and be grateful for it."_

_ "But she's…she's my cousin." Sirius' eyes wandered to his uncle Alphard, who had gone uncharacteristically quiet. The man avoided his gaze and took a hearty sip of his drink._

_ "Not anymore."_

_ "But…_

_ "Shut up and go upstairs, before I give you something to cry about."_

_ "But, I want…I want to…"_

_ Orion took him by the shoulders and shook him forcefully, hissing, "Are you deaf? Get your miserable arse upstairs!"_

_ Sirius felt only a small bit of satisfaction when he felt revenge rise in his throat in the form of hot bile, and he vomited all over his father's nice robes and shoes._

He felt sick to his stomach just thinking about it. He knew he'd woken up the next day with a splitting headache. He hadn't been able to remember what had happened the night before until he tried to get out of bed and felt the familiar weight of a bruised face, and the powerful ache of a recent beating.

At the time, he was fifteen years old and he was the only one who intervened when he saw a middle age man attempt to assault his pregnant teenage daughter. But it was nothing new, he supposed. Noble House of Black indeed.

"Sirius?" called James, "Where'd you go, just now, anyway?"

"Oh, nothing," Sirius heaved a sigh, "just remembering all the holiday cheer at Grimmauld Place."

All three of his friends looked at him nervously, like they were each bursting to say something.

Sirius rolled his eyes and tried to adopt a haughty expression, "I've always made it through before, haven't I?"

Everything was going to be alright. It had to be.


End file.
